Let talk about Freaks!

Hi all! This post shall be all about kinky freaky sex. Enjoy, and please let me know if I'm the only one!

So... Who has normal sex?

Let's start by defining normal. Most people in monogamous relationships think that normal sex is 15-20 minutes (sometimes even including foreplay!) a few times a week. That is the conclusion we surmise as marriage, long term relationships, etc.... I guess that's not sad. Most would be happy to get that!

BUT... let us delve deeper. What about positions?? NORMAL: missionary (good for the boy), girl on top (good for the Denise), doggy style (pound pound pound...) and BLAH BLAH BLAH. These are all COOKIE CUTTER.

And you know, I was once gifted a very interesting book: Position of the Day: Sex Everyday in Every Way (Available at Kitson boutique for you LA kids, and at fine book stores everywhere. Thanks Amanda!) Well, this book is hot, BUT I CAN'T FUCKING STRETCH LIKE THAT. owwy.

Then there was the lime fucking green vibe that Creagan got me. THANKS. :) I personally don't get into that, but it is broken nonetheless. As is the Lady bug back massager that my mom gave me for Christmas one year. lol.

So you see... these are the tools that I believe myself and the rest of the "normal" crowd would use to be "kin-kayyyyy!"

Aside from new toys, I've had the "let's switch it up" boys before. The first guy to get me off through sex, who was a complete jack ass but tought me a new trick nonetheless, and then there was the guy who I will refer to as "Houdini"--he was so smooth while switching through his three positions, you can tell that's ALL he used with his ex... same way, every time. New to me though--for the first two times. NEW TRICKS PLEASE.

But still, over the few years and few people I've enjoyed the act with, normal was still normal! I'm still fun but NORMAL Denise! Nope, that cannottt go there, NOPE, THAT WON'T FIT THERE! WHATTT are you doing to THAT? hellz no.

Well, sometimes you meet people who do not try to get you to do new things... they just emmit this energy that's like, "Hey! this is FUN and EASY!"

And so folks, enter Denise the Freak. O M G.

I've delved into new territory here folks. Wowza. You know, without giving out too many MORE details about little ole me... I just want to say that TALKING, NIBBLING, SMACKING, ETC... can make all the difference. Geez!

And right when you thought you knew yourself... BOOM! I'm ready to go spend a grand at Dr. John's.

I heart the MPT.

Much love,
D

OF COURSE!

So, my life is so ironic.

First of all, this is my first day off from BOTH jobs in like 10 days. For those of you living in St. Louis, you know that the last 10 days have been like the best days of spring! 70 degrees, no clouds, absolutely beatiful! SO TODAYYYY: its fucking sleeting and cold! AH! I saw it coming 5 days ago... but I was hoping it wouldn't be today :(

Well anywho, I'm having a great day in with the pups, and had a great time last night!

Tom and I went to see the new (remake) Bond flick "Casino Royale."

OMG people.

This movie is absolutely AMAZINGGGG! First of all, someone said that Daniel Craig was the best Bond ever (YES!) and they also said this was the best Bond film ever (YES! YES!). YES TO ALL OF THE AFOREMENTIONED!

Daniel Craig is not only gorgeous (I will soon find out if his blues were in fact contacts) but he had SUCH A CONNECTION with Eva Green, the refreshingly SMART, not-just-for-sex, ruler of his money, Bond girl. It was so wonderful. The movie was all action, all WONDERFULLY casted. Jeez. The best part by far was the implosion of a 4 story Italian town house in the rivers of Venice. As a result of much automatic gunfire, Bond and his enemies blew up the massive air bags that supported the home, and with such amazing special effects the house slowly went down... taking down Bond's girlfriend as well in a very well produced, very dramatic scene.

The movie had one slower point, which seemed to be a blissful ending, and then BAM! More twists and more drama. Kudosssssss!

After the movie, we went to a Belleville, IL "gem" the Hy-Ho. It's actually a very cute and quaint little diner. My turkey sammmich was great. But more so than that is the continuously better conversations I have when Tom and I actually get a few hours of time together! And right when I thought he couldn't get any better, he says, "Would you want to go down the street and grab a drink?" AH! Now that's the way to woo the love of a good woman.

Well, that and playing exotic HUNKS photohunt! Sheesh he's good to me! It's the little things that count boys...

SO, on the the next OF COURSE topic.

It happened on Thanksgiving. A phone call at 12:30. "Brenda??" It was my LA based friend Kristen's mom. She was just calling to say hi, and ALSO just wondering when I was moving back to LA. She said it had came up in conversation that day. Well, you know... I was thinking I would be back in 6 months. (March, aka when the house market goes up and I can unload this beast and move where ever I wanted).

Well, for some reason, I guess I forgot about the whole thing. Now I'm like, well I do miss my Ogden gang. I definitely miss Kristen and the GOOD WEATHER UNLIKE TODAY... but, and here it is...

I HAVE A GREAT NEW GUY IN MY LIFE. Is it required for it to happen this way? LOL

I told Tom about my thoughts the day I received my random phone call, and he politely said, "Well don't let me hold you back, do you what is good for you." So sweet. But of course things could get wonderfully complicated even if I don't go; Tom's job could take him anywhere in the state. So, we have decided in our short 6 week relationship to just take things one day at a time and just have fun! We will cross those bridges when we come to them, etc. It's working quite nicely.

WELL, I'm going to find something to do in my little house, maybe *EEK* clean!

Much love,
D

Hombre Nuevo

Hi all. It is time. Time to introduce Tom O'Neill.

He's the "guy at work," the "forbidden guy to date," blah blah. This is the only pic I have of him (behind the set on the right.) The pic is from the River Front Times Nov. 22nd edition, and accompanied the interview of Mike Benker, Tom's lead singer and long time BFF. The article was in salute to the conformists 10th birthday, which was consumated with a 10th birthday show with their fav bands at The Ground Floor in Belleville, Illinois. Cool punk show, crazy punk kids. Lots of vodka and Paps Blue Ribbon 2 x 4s, and for some weird reason, lots of balls. Go figure. So to close this little intro, I leave you with a quote from Benker's interview:

RFT: While recording Three Hundred [The Conformists third album], did you get the feeling that Steve Albini liked you? Like, you know, like-liked you?

Benker: "He wore sunglasses the whole time, because the music we recorded was bursting with radiant light that resembled angels fucking. We were not four guys in a room, we became one omnipresent force that only a master cocksmith could harness to tape."

Yeah, they are funny fuckers.

SOOOOOOO... onto the beef of this blog.

I met Tom at Porter's Steak House in Illinois. He was unimpressed with the fact that he had to train, and said a blunt, "hey" and walked by. He was like anyone else that had been a trainer for years: he knew his tutorials to me would fuck up his night and slow him down, yet smiled that fake-ass smile that read "You'll LOVE this place! Porter's is the place to be!! WHOO!"

He was a nice trainer, and we had about five minutes to interview each other a little. I found out he was a drummer. I told him I was too, and then NOTHING! Finally like 2 hours later, he was like, "So... tell me about..." I was like CUTE! He actually cares!

Minutes later, someone mentions MySpace. The world comes to a screetching halt--Porter's is MySpace savvy! Oh nooooo.

So I gave it a few days... waiting, waiting for Tom or some of the girls included in that conversation to "find me" on MySpace (I'm a nerd I know, but I didn't want to seem eager, THEY had to find me!)

So, five days later, there it was: "New friend request." Hmm. Who could it be? W-O-W, TomO wanted to be my friend. His page was minimal yet funny, charming and real. So, the chatting began. I began learning. Began making a "friend."

So, long story short, we connected, became chummy (and apparently everyone noticed!) and made a date for a drink thing. We had gone for drinks with the crew before, but THIS particular night, he was coming up there just for me. So we went to the Horseshoe in Collinsville, IL (a c-ville gem) for a drink, and ended up having a nice conversation. Definitely a spark there. And you know, that was kind of it! We have a nice compatible report going on, and share the same social-political views, same religious views, and actually have quite alot of things and PEOPLE in common. It's a wonder we hadn't met before.

So, to play catch up, the other day was very interesting! Tom and I went to Denny's for a late lunch, came back to my house to chill before I had to go to work at 3:30, and lo-and-behold, there's my dad outside raking my leaves! I was like, "What are you doing here??" and he said, "Well, you said you needed help with your yard work..." So daddy met Tom. Maybe that wasn't awkward enough, but my dad starts off this conversation with, "So, Tom, are you the one that just got back from Iraq?" NO NO NO DAD!! That was the OTHER guy I accidentally thought I could date for five minnutes! AHHHH. Tom was like, "well no sir, uh... uh, I'm the firefighter." LOL It was priceless.

So, later that hour, daddy was gone, we were inside chatting, and Dave calls. "Hi Dave! What's up?" Lets preface this next quote by saying that Tom and Dave are aware of each other, just as I am aware of Dave's new girlfriend thing. "So what's up?" I say.... and there it was: "Well, Denise, I was hoping to come by and get this blah blah blah I left at the house..." COME BY?

So I say, "sure" and then let Tom in on the good news: "So,... now you get to meet the ex! LOL GEEEZ that day couldn't get better for him. They were nice and cordial, shook hands, and then Dave was gone in a flash.

I look at it like this: now there's no pressure to "meet the parent" AND now Dave and Tom can be adult about the whole situation (as they had been) and call each other by their first names and not "that one guy" :)

So, since that magic day, we have just been squeezing in a few hours here and there during both of our busy schedules. Mine you know (Porter's and the clothing store) but he has a plateful! He's an arson investigation tech by day, and then splits his nights with a volunteer fire department and managing/serving at Porter's. AND, remember, he's in a band that's been touring for ten years!! Since I've known him though, their guitarist ran off to Chicago and got married. So... less practice, less concerts.

HOWEVER, I was treated to being "on the list" at last nights show. The Ground Floor is a veryyy cool place, full of not-so-knowing-that-they-are-hipsters punk kids and all different types of people. I enjoyed the people watching as much as the music. Tom's band is "experimental punk"--this being "music that doesn't always make sense or follow a beat." I think I can love it, I just have to hear it a few more times. Nonetheless, each of the four gentlemen in The Conformists are WONDERFUL musicians.

Kudos on ten years guys!!

FINALLY--I wanna give a shout out to my boys LOJIC (STL grown, now LA based) who recently flew all the way to Hong Kong to be honored with the "World Battle of the Bands" top honor!! OMG guys! Congrats!

Talk to you soon everyone!

Much love,
D

Ow, my brain hurts...

Hi bitches!!

So last night was CRA-ZYYYYYYY!

Me, Ann, Amber, Kristen, Becki, Angela, to mention a few all went out to 1014 on Locust street. They gave me a private section and a bottle of bubbly for my birthday. I was "not supposed to get trashed." OHHHHH BOY. I was drunk when I got there. Much love to Chris!! Chris was this magic man that hooked us up SO WELL! Rounds of SoCo lime on the house. Kudos to the staff, it was excellent.

Oh yeah, and when I got home, went to sleep by myself. Okay... sucks, but it's cool. BUT I WOKE UP WITH MY BEST FRIEND NEXT TO ME!! I was like, "uh... when did you get here?" LOL

You gotta love that.

Don't get excited guys, no fondling between friends here. We aren't that cool.

So, I woke up still drunk. I did not become sober till about noon. Way to go Denise.

I had to work at 2pm. May sound late to some, but considering I woke up at 4:30pm the day before after yet another night of drunk justified by my birthday... 2pm was not looking good for me :(

OH WELL, everyone's good today. I'm supposed to meet up with my girls tonight, and who knows. Atleast work isn't til 4pm tomorrow ;)

MUCH LOVE,
D

Attack of the Pod People

Without trying to sound too "Sex and the City", I have been having some major date/men problems lately. Its sad that it is almost all I can think about, but I've had an unusal amount of bullshit the last few weeks and since Denise has revived the blog, I feel like I can share it with unmaterialgirls and the millions of readers we have everyday.

Now, if you know me, you know that I have been labeled as the "Samantha" more times than I would like to admit. Granted, I have had only a few real relationships and tend to love em and leave em, I would like to spout a disclaimer:

Although I tend to go through men faster than a loaf of bread, it doesn't make me a slut. I use protection and hardly ever have real gay sex. I am the king of the make out and the mutal enjoyment, whether oral or hand related. I am not a whore and don't appreciate being called one.

With that out there, let me break down a few of the recent additions to the sitcom that is my life. Names have NOT been changed because this all happened...if you have a problem with it then stop acting like a big pile of dog shit and you'll have glowing reviews on my fucking blog...

(breathe...)

Ok, here it goes:

First off, we have "Dhino". (yep just like that cartoon..."Dino the last Dinosaur"). This guy is around my age, likes comic books and other dumb shit that I do and has an exotic phillipino look to him. All in all, a seemingly nice guy. We hung out at Universal Studios City Walk the day they announced the new LA "Wicked" cast. His friend, James, joined us and seemed put off that some stupid boy (me, of course) was around to ruin his time alone with Dhino. Maybe thats just me being paranoid, but we didn't seem to hit it off right away. Although this (James) was a crick in my neck, Dhino and I had a good time. He laughed at my stupid jokes, he told me I had a wonderful smile and even invited me to go to Disney the next day with his friends. I had to work and therefore, turn him down, but we had a good time. We ended up messing around and he fell asleep completly wrapped around me and told me I was an "awesome" kisser. Needless to say, I didnt save his phone number and had a bit of a Myspace debacle to find him later. We have played a hit and miss game and it seems like he wants to hang out, but it never happens. We went as far as to SCHELDULE a date on Monday....but because his phone is not working and he can't for some reason, leave me a message on myspace...it never happened. I thought that at the least we could of been friends, but, I dont see anything developing...Ive basically given up on this one.

Next up is Jonathon. He looks like a cross between Macully Culkin and Jeremey Hearn. I met him through Lisa, my friend from Puppies and Babies. We were hanging out with her friends at Cantina, having a good time. Jon seemed geniunly interested and we found out that both of us had lived in chicago and went to Columbia. GREAT! He asked if I was single not once, but TWICE. His friend, Brandon, got wasted and asked me my name 3 times. By the end of the night, he was trying to make out with me and slurring to Lisa that he "Wanted to kiss her friend". As things go, I wasnt wasted and did not want to kiss him. But, right as "King of Wishful Thinking" came on the bar's sound system, it was determined that Brandon had had enough of 2 of 1 drinks. Lisa was trying to carry him out..which is rediculous. Jon is a little guy...much smaller than Brandon, so I took over and carried Bran to his car. He thanked me a bunch of times and I just smiled and walked away. I told Jon..."Sorry man...I just didnt want Lisa to have to carry him" He was like "Dont be sorry, that was nice" and kept staring at me...so I kissed him. He kissed me back and offered me and Lisa a ride home. After we dropped off Lisa he pulled into the alley behind my apartment and we made out pretty heavily for 20 minutes or so with Brandon passed out in the back seat. At one point, he asked me if I had a condom. I said, yes I do, but I dont wanna have sex with you in a car, in an alley, with your BFF passed out in the back seat. He laughed and agreed, we made out a bit more and I excused myself to go inside. He asked me when he could see me again and I reminded him that we were all supposed to go out the next night....he smiled and said that it would be great...
The next day we text messaged back and forth and we ended up meeting up again (including Lisa) at Cantina...this story is crazy and will follow after I get done talking about boys...but basically, he ignored me completely and his friends were complete ass holes. Like, totally some of the worst people I've ever met. Usually, I want people to like me so bad I dont care if they are douches, but...yea...
Needless to say, after I had enough, I headed to the usual Sunday spot, RAGE. Lisa's friends said that they thought Rage was gross and so I didnt expect them to show. Imagine my surprise when Jon, Jules and Jules stupid friend all waltz in. Pissed me off. Not only did they continue to not talk to me...they just wanted drama with Lisa. Ive not communicated with Jon since...but I did meet...

Chris. I met him at Rage that night and we danced and kissed and had a good time. By the time he wanted to actually talk, I was too drunk and just told him so. We exchanged information and have messaged back and forth on myspace. He seems really cool and I hope that it doesnt turn to shit like the rest of this had.

This is just a sample of the on goings lately. I also met a guy, David, who kept repeating he worked at Hollister and wrote his number on my arm. I think he may have been like 18 or something...so I just rinsed that off and pledged to be more selective

The rest are not even worth mentioning, but they have added to my disapointment in West Hollywood's gay men. Is it just that there are so many of us here that everyone is waiting for something better? I dont know. I long for the days of St Louis where I saw the same people and everyone was over making the rounds. Hmmm..

To tell you about the "Friends" at Cantina. They are all industry people or in some closely related field. One guy was a stylist for Jonathon (BLOW OUT) in Bev. Hills. He introduced himself by saying just that. I was like...ok...cool

Then another guy said, Oh...Im on trust fund I have so much time I dont know what to do with it!! I said, If youre a Trust Fund brat, what are you doing at 2 for 1 happy hour? No one who has to work for a living wants to hear you brag about your trust. He was ugly anyway and on something stronger than Vodka.

The immediate group that I had met before were so self involved with their rediculous dramas, that nothing else could be talked about. This was the second night in a row I had to hear about stupid, childish bull. The first night wasnt as bad and I let it slide more because sometimes, thats how it is ...but ...come on

If you want to sit around and bitch about your friends, do it at home. Dont invite others along who dont know the drama and are bored with listening to it. Brandon (The drunk one I carried to the Car) didnt remember my name AGAIN and seemed surprised when I asked how he was feeling. I was surprised that he already had 2 long islands in front of him and was slurring his words already at 7:30 pm.

So, I'm still on the look out for some cool people to hang out with. Please, apply if you arent a scum sucking bitatch, dont work in the "industry" and have something to talk about other than yourself!

XO!!!

I'm back bitches!!

Wow... How long it's been. How much has changed??

Lets categorize to keep things simple and clear :)

Jobs: I'm still working at Porter's steakhouse and Soul & Blues clothing boutique. They are both way fun. Both way not in my field, but fun nonetheless. I make half of what I used to make working 25% more... but it's what I have to do. Wait a minute?!! Or I could NOT spend a house payment at my store and NOT go out drinking?! But what is the fun in that. I really need a personal assistant. Someone to tell me Shut the Fuck Up. You are NOT going out, you are staying in with your bottle of Svedka and then we are going to go distribute resumes along Melrose. I mean Market Street. WHERE IS MY CREAGAN?? I miss you :(

Men: OH MEN. How I love the?? Well, my Ex-main man is starting to get to meeeee! I have known for some time that a lady friend via-myspace was liking him. Kudos. Kudos to their "thing." BUT PLEASE. Let's not splash your loveliness across pages I can see. It's call private email or phone calls. I feel like freaking Shannon and Travis Barker here. Let's play nice :)

Other man drama has made its way into my normallllly calm life (who are we kidding?) A dear little friend of mine and I tried to date-hang-talk whatev. I emphasize the word try. Why is it though that men must lie? Is this in their DNA? When you find a woman that will literally say, "Tell me the absolute truth" and almost SAY what you want to say.... TELL THEM. The 6th sense of theirs can save an even worse convo later and make your lives easier!

ALSO, I have a friend I work with that I have alot in common with. I've taken the polls. They're in. It's completely half and half. Thanks bitches! SO... I ask you: Do you date in the work place? icky poo. booey boo.

Friends: Ahhhh friends. Where art my friends? My dear curly haired friend: You have beaten my world record of hiding with thine boyfriend by weeks. Come out and play! This week is a definite, but I'll need some quality Coffee Cartel time soon :) Boys are not allowed, for we will be talking about them :)

...and then there are my WeHo HOs.... all you girls and gays. How I miss you all. My life would be much easier if you all just came home. So come one come all... stay at my flop house for the low price of menial chores! YAY!

Money: Well, some is coming in. But alot is still going out!! WTF? Well, imagine going from Lerner NY and Hooters to going to high-class boutiques and extravigant wine and steaks. Hmm... it's amazing how the money spends within the industries of which we work.

Aside from my two current jobs, I'm also STILL toying with the idea of freelance. Still trying to get something started. I have two jobs on the line, so who knows!!

Action: What is action? I do not know :( I've yet to see it. But you know what, with all the drama that comes with it, I think my life is already overflowing with drama. So boo to that.

Well, that about sums up the last 6 weeks I've been away. My 24th birthday is around the corner (the 21st!!) and as all the friends know, it's a weekend extravaganza. SOOOO... here's to a week of staying in to save up money and energy because my main ho is coming in town this weekend!!! WOOT WOOT!

Can the other hos hide in your suitcases?

Miss you guys in CA :) I wanna be out there soon.

For all the 5 readers out there, I am going to start writing again. My life finally has enough drama back in it to where it makes for an interesting read. This whole entry is to get you reaquainted!!

Much love,
D

D is for Drinky

So, it's been a little longer than I like. But, I have been busy quittin jobs. Here's the update:

THE WRAPPER: 10 bucks an hour. Glitter, Bows, Christmas. Whats not to like? Well, the thing is, I can't make a bow to save my life. I shake too much and forget halfway through what I am supposed to be doing. Not my cup of tea. Employed: 1 day.

SUSHI HELL: You tip out 65% of what you make. Meaning, if I make 100 dollars, I get to keep 35 dollars. WHAT? Also, you have to do all the paperwork (like book keeping) and there is no manager. Whatever. Peace out Sushi.

So, next stop is Hard Rock Cafe in Beverly Hills. Keep your fingers crossed. Meanwhile, at Whos on Third, I want to kill the stupid bitches who insist on ruining my life on a daily basis. But, whatever. It's a job. I just have to be sure to bring the kleenex for when the customers make me cry.

James and I made a friend with a bartender at Rage. Actually, we bought him with tips. Hes straight and very pretty and we like to bitch about serving tables together. We have made Sundays there a ritual, with 3 dollar drinks til 11 and top 40 all night long, Im in heaven.

Also, Ive adapted a bit of a new style. I bought some new, LA jeans. And...ive been wearing Bananna Republic oxfords a lot with no undershirt and showing a little chest. Ive lost a coupole pounds, got a haircut and a new hair product. Ive started wearing Very Sexy cologne. Also, the uptightness I felt at the gay bars here is almost gone. Im more confident. It really makes a difference. I also shave everyday so my face is totally smooth now. And...I have a bronzer. LOL
People still keep asking me what show I'm on. Loves it.

Halloween is coming up and I still dont have a costume. I want to be Fred Flintstone. But, also, the event here is so crazy that I feel like I need a great costume. Fred Flintstone is not too creative. So, Im still debating.

I ran into a DJ from Atttiudes at Rage. I had him on myspace because he worked at Tudes when I was underage and trying to scam drimnks. He hosts Sundays there, but I hadnt seen him before. I was kinda drunk when he said hi, but I sent him a myspace message and we're gonna have a drink this week. Drinks DRinks Drinks. Hopefully, he can educate me in the weho scene. I had STL down. So, west hollywood is a top priority in getting to know whats hot and whats not. Its important to be in the know. Its like, picking a bad lunch table in highschool. Social Suicide.

I have a couple dates lined up this week too, time to get out the teeth bleach.

Speaking of, last week James and I went to TigerHeat. Wow. It was an awesome bar. The only thing that sucked is that we had to drink upstairs as to not encourage the underagers in the sins of consumption. I danced my ass off and poured too many wayyyy too strong Vodkas down my throat at 2 dollars a pop. James got hungry and bitchy so we had to leave. Needless to say, I had a hangover when I had to be up at 7 the next morning. But hey...I can hang...

I met some friends of Kate's (Shannons Friend) this weekend too. They were....nice....
We went to St Nicks Pub (again) and proceeded to watch the straight people try to mate. Its a sad dance really, but a dance neccessary for pro-creation. We had fun and Kate made a "Friend". Aside from the leaky pipe above my head, it was a classic night out.

Wow, I go out a lot...

So Britney and K fed are rumored to be appearing at a show here for Halloween. Im anxious to see her since shes lost some of the baby weight. Come on I need a comeback. NOW.

Well, time for some food. Nothing with dairy because I think im lactose intolerent. That would explain the explosions in the bathroom that occur daily.

Peace out bitches.

Welcome Kaelin Patricia!

Hey, guess what ya all? One of my BEST bitches, Brandi J and her boyfriend, Kevin gave birth to a healthy, beautiful baby girl this week! WOOT. Congrats guys! Although a complication with the placenta and her amniotic fluid were an issue for the new parents, both Brandi and Baby Kaelin Patricia (keeper of keys, pure) are now healthy and happy at home!

I went to that super gay boutique next to door to "Who's" (Puppies and Babies) and picked up a couple things for the little bundle of joy! Baby shopping is so fetch!

Also, at work today, I had the honor of serving none other than Sarah Chalke! You may remember her from a little show called Roseanne playing the beloved second "Becky"! WOo! She also was on Scrubs. What'd the deal with me running into the cast of that show? I mean, why won't Brit just come out of hiding already and have a drink with me damnit? She's the whole reason I moved to this crazy, sunny hell hole.

I've had a few new things published in Broowaha !

Click on the link above and then on contributors to see my stuff. I've completed 7 articles so far and have remained in the top 5 even though new stuff is being added on a daily basis. The latest one is about all the jobs I've had over the years. Hey, they say "write about what you know".

I think it's crazy that almost 300 people read the article I wrote about lonelygirl15. Freaks me out. Hopefully, one day, way more than 300 folks will be devouring my every word, hanging on my every syllable, licking my nipples...wait...

I've discovered the best thrift store, Out of the Closet.

They have a fucking awesome collection of books and CDs. Plus I got a pair of sweet light brown shoes for like 10 bucks. All the money they make goes to AIDS research, so I feel even better about buying the Beauty and the Beast soundtrack for $3.

If any of you get a chance, check out the movie Quincanera. It's been out for a while, but I just got a chance to see it the other day in the Beverly Center. It was one of the only movies I have ever seen that portrays characters that seem real. The way that the family interacts with one another, the way they speak and tease, I guess it just reminds me of those I grew up with. Plus, it didn't feel like the people were acting as much as we were just flies on the wall of their lives.
Plus, it's set in Echo Park, this part of L.A. that interests me. It was an area fully concentrated with latinos and their culture. The last few years, gays and trendy young people have started to migrate there from North Hollywood and Silverlake, pushing up rental/housing costs and changing the culture of the community. That phenom was a sub-story of Quincanera that was subtle, but obvious at the same time. Damn gays. Always coming in and making everything Starbucks and Lolipops. I think it may only be playing in L.A. and New York now, but I hope it gets a national distribution.

There are so many movies I want to see out this fall. My next Broo article is going to be a list of those movies that I recommend to all my loyal fans. All six of them!

If you don't have the time to read, you don't have the time or the tools to write.

Stephen King (1947 - )

Gray Space and MySpace

Hi all... Wow its been awhile! I have had an interesting week!

First, starting on Wednesday, I have been out like every single second I could possibly be out. It was Ann's birthday weekend extravaganza. I say WEEKEND, because that's what I get for my birthday. That's right bitches.

It was a lot of drinking after I had not drank for a while (being a week:) So, this means my tolerance was low, so this means the fun level was HIGH! Wowza. I'm done for a while for sure.

This weekend I also had yet ANOTHER talk about the ole gray space with the ex....

Def: Gray Space (N) -- The "What the fuck is going on" time after a long relationship.

I asked what was going on: did he or did he not want to get back together?? Did he or did he not see things going anywhere in the NEAR future?? I say near because it is not fair for either party to be like this!! SO many questions, so little intimacy!

Speaking of questions, LET US DISCUSS MYSPACE!

You know, for anyone that has or had a long term relationship in the last two years, MySpace may have been the bane of your relationship's existence. For an online program that has changed the way a generation communicates, it is also killing friendships and relationships! Yes it is popular, hence:

T-shirts saying, "You looked better on MySpace."

Drunken moments where someone says something ridiculous, and their drunk friend says, "OHHHHH! That's SO your new MySpace quote!!"

HOWEVER....

My thoughts are that Satan spawned MySpace... seriously. If you are in a relationship it can be KILLER. The problem is that you can see enough to ignite jealousy, yet NOT ENOUGH when it comes to the personal messages! Fuck this shit!

Then there is the "PRIVATE" and "YOUR COMMENT MUST BE APPROVED" statuses.... ICK! There is way too much emphasis on friends, friend counts, Top 8 (dumbest phenomenon ever) and PLEASE random man whores.... PLEASE stop sending me friend requests at 4am!

So,... can we all just cancel MySpace, get partial labotomies, and go back to using AIM and Yahoo messenger????? AH!

ON A FUN NOTE:

I got TWO jobs today. Hmm. No jobs for two months, now two jobs in one day. ODD! I start tomorrow at my retail job, and then start Thursday at my server job. I have to go from Hootersgirl to classy high-priced steak house server... how how how?

Much love kids!
D

Jesus Wants to Help Max Out Your Amex!

Today I realized that I may be spending too much time focusing on entertainment and celebrities. If I'm not watching a movie or TV, I'm reading or writing about them. If I'm not doing that, I'm thinking about it. Or clothes. Or booze. Or working-out and not eating bad food like the Pizza Pocket I just consumed...

IM FINALLY BECOMING ONE WITH THE WEST HOLLYWOOD/LA ATTITUDE!

Next step: Get a new gym membership, an eating disorder, and an addiction to a stimulant drug.

Final step: PERFECTION! (Just like Nicole Ritchie!!!)

Stay tuned for the transformation....

Last night was the long awaited second to last episode of Project Runway. I totally had a feeling that all four of the designers were going to stay for Fashion Week. I thought that maybe I had predicted incorrectly about halfway through the show, but at the end I let out a squeal of glee when Heidi said both Micheal and Jeffery were "IN".

This twist came with mixed reactions for me. I am excited to see ALL the collections because ALL the designers have such different styles. But, seriously, the show has always been 3 finalists. So, it just seemed like an easy way out. Clay and Rueben BOTH couldn't win Americnan Idol. But look who's making news now, years later. Gayken thats who. It just goes to show that even if one didn't get to advance, they still would've had a chance to "make it". I was surprised to see Uli finally do something different. I did like her dress. I actually liked Jeffrey's too! I guess I could see where the judges were coming from with the milkmaid comment though. Micheal totally dropped the ball. I am most excited to see if Laura can take the judges' advice and change up her designs. The thing that sucks about this show is that constant demand for the designers to do something different. When I think of well known designers, it's clear that each of them have a definate voice and style to their garments. I suppose that's a perk that comes with long-term commercial success. I really like Laura the best out of the four. I hated Jeffrey and his neck tats until last night when he got the little video on his phone of his kid. It kind of humanized the jackass and let him show some emotion. As long as he doesn't stick zippers on any more crotches, everything should be just fine!

Click the designer's name to see the collection each presented at the 2007 New York Fashion Week. I just couldn't wait 3 weeks to see their stuff. Do you have self-control?
Laura
Jeffrey
Uli
Micheal

The other show I had to see was "America's Next Top Model". Episode Two aired last night and I have to say, this season is so much better than the last! Even though the girls are all ungrateful BITCHES, at least they are interesting. I hate Monique so very much that I want to slap her ugly face on a hot griddle and let the other girls fight about who gets the biggest piece. I love the twins! Gingers usually scare me but these girls are sassy and look so hot in every picture!



Seriously, like Jay said, the girls are blank canvas. If Tyra wants to shave your head, put on a happy face and shut the hell up.

Back in the real world, I read an article today in "The LA Times" about a new trend in the south. An inventive pastor, Marty Baker, is marketing these(for a profit) on site ATMs as "Giving Kiosks". I'm sure Jesus is happy that now we can earn frequent flyer miles by giving to the church! Who carries cash anymore anyway? The flames that are constantly flickering around down here make it tough to carry anything paper on your person anyway! Read all about the easiest way to buy your way into the pearly gates HERE!

Well, I'm going to continue watching Ugly Betty on ABC. It sures does remind me of a certain book/film with the words Devil and Prada. Oh well, at least I get to see my boyfriend after finishing watching the chick from The Traveling Pants look ackward and wear terrible clothes. When I say boyfriend I mean George on Grey's Anatomy. Please, I know I'm sad so don't judge.
XO

Miss Bliss Would Be So Proud!

It started out as a normal "Hump Day". I went to work. I turned on KISS FM (LA's hottest hit music!) and listened to Ryan Seacrest as I brewed coffee and read some mind-numbing articles about Skid Row. Then, the nightmare began. It came gently at first, in the form of a teaser by Seacrest himself around 9:45 am. By 10:00, the world as we knew it changed....for the worse.

3 Words will sum up this fateful day: Screech. Sex. & Tape. The NY Daily News reported today that a 40-minute "sex-tape" will star Dustin Diamond, AKA Screech Powers and 2 un-named females. The trio are said to engage in a "Dirty Sanchez" scene that will be sure to make waves with The Christian Coalition. David Hans Schmidt who is apparenlty well versed in the world of celebrity "skin tapes" confirmed that he will be handling the mass distribution of the video. Scre...Er..Dustin is trying to distance himself from his "Saved by the Bell" character with this new endeavor and hopes to be able to pay his cell phone bill with the expected dozens of dollars in royalties.
CLICK FOR A SNEAK PEEK OF HELL FREEZING OVER!

Here's Wikipedia's definition of what a "Dirty Sanchez" exactly is...

"Dirty Sanchez is a noun phrase describing the result of one partner having a "moustache" made primarily of fecal matter, applied by the finger or penis of the other sexual partner.
It is performed by sticking one's finger (or other object) in one partner's rectum and then swiping a line of feces under the nose, making a "moustache." While there is nothing inherently latin or Hispanic about the gesture or resulting moustache, it carries the name of "Sanchez," which is likely the result of the following take on its origin.
Named after a web comics fictional character of the early 90's called 'The Dirty Sanchez Adventures', the story of a Mexican superhero in Texas, who is also an illegal immigrant. In the comic the main character, Dirty Sanchez, seduces white married women in order to have anal intercourse with them and sometimes with their husbands. His personal signature being the "moustache" he leaves on the faces of his sexual partners after they perform oral sex on him. The comic website was hosted for a short period of time by Geocities.
The Dirty Sanchez is a popular turn of phrase, appearing in a variety of pop culture references including the name of a bar in the movie Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story. The bar's mascot was an apparently hispanic woman with a moustache. Another popular reference is in The Aristocrats joke. Former Saved by the Bell star Dustin Diamond is rumored to demonstrate a Dirty Sanchez in his sex tape, titled "Saved by the Smell."

Nuff Said.

In other "Saved by the Bell" news, Mario Lopez is biting his hot little fingernails tonight as the country decides his fate on "Dancing with the Stars". Mario told the gossiplicous EXTRA:

"I feel like I'm being sent to the principle's office all the time," Mario admitted. "Carrie Ann(one of the judges) gave me a look like I killed her dog, and I felt bad."

Lopez is the runaway favorite this year but is in hotwater for pushing the rules laid down this season. Last night, he and his partner, Karina Smirnoff, were scolded for, as Mario put it on Seacrest this morning in a telephone interview, "staying apart for 14 seconds". Apparently, the alloted time apart for their tango was 1o seconds. He sounded genuinly distraught about it. I'm genuinly sorry he's not giving someone a dirty sanchez in a new sex video instead of Screech. It would be even hotter if he wore the singlet from SBTB. Maybe Zach would be there too. For now, we will have to settle for this homoerotic venture:





Usually, I am not a big follower of the news that Larry King gererates. I do watch his program once in a while but I've never quite became hooked. Last night, the big L talked with Howard K. Stern, Anna Nicole Smith's lawyer and newly revealed proud baby daddy! During the interview the babies' name, Dannie Lynn Hope (Dannie for her late son Daniel, Lynn as a ku to Anna's real name: Vicky Lynn Hogan or "Mama Lynn" as Daniel referred to his mother) was unveiled. Stern also seemed adament at disspelling rumors the media has been running wild with regarding Daniel's sudden death in Anna's hospital room. Meanwhile, today, reports were released that verified that Daniel's death was due to a drug overdose.

"Pathologist Cyril Wecht has revealed to People magazine that Daniel died of a lethal combination of methadone, Zoloft and Lexapro." (www.perezhilton.com)



Of course, there is dispute over who can really claim Dannie as his own. Anna's ex, photographer Larry Birkhead told "Entertainment Tonight" a while ago he was the father of the child. In response to Stern's announcement of "King", Birkhead posted this statement on his website:

"I will just say the situation has gotten out of hand. The Larry King interview is laughable. In case there is any confusion, I am not laughing at myself. I firmly believe the truth will come out soon and people will understand where I am coming from. I maintain that I am THE PROUD FATHER, and look forward to a paternity test. I would like to say that I too am grieving the loss of Daniel Smith. He was a great kid, and I will miss him. I think this whole thing is unfortunate and look forward to a positive resolution."

OH SNAP! I will be sure to keep tracking this story. I thought Stern sounded, well, unbeliavable in the interview last night. Only time will tell.

Stay tuned to "Larry King Live" tonight to see him drill Clay Aiken. I'm sure the "gay" question will be brought up yet again and undoubltly "Gayken" will declare in a high-pitched southern drawl that "It just ain't nobody's business." What the hell is the big deal Clay? Face it, the public gets to see Lohan's vagina on a weekly basis then we get to know if it's true that you're a big homo. Grrrrr....

More news at the "Hollywood HighSchool" A-list stumble fuck! Reported by "Page Six", Lindsay Lohan lured Paris Hiton's Ex-Fling, Starvos Niarchos, who recenlty inheired $275 million, into an all-out soap opera for the paparrazzi after she was brutally "dumped" by Harry Morton. Temptation came easy for Linds, a mere whisper of "making Paris (Hilton) jealous and make you look like a stud" sent the Greek Shipping Heir tounge deep with the starlet at a late-night LA hotspot. News spread fast but details are all over the board. Apparently, it was all a plublicity stunt. Apparently, she and Harry are just "taking a breather". Apperently, Lindsay isn't so sick of "Rumors" starting anymore.

Tonight's the night I'm gonna make it Happen....

Hey, bitches! So, it's only 2 pm on Monday and I have managed to get a shitload of stuff done today! I woke up at 9:00 to go get some writing done at the Coffee Bean with Shannon, who had studying to do. I had only been to the the Sunset location once before and didn't have any celeb encoutners that time. A different story today!

Our second favorite blogger, Perez Hilton was at "the office" in the corner, pounding away on his Ibook. Enter a familiar looking blonde that I couldn't quite place. She grabs the table next to ours. Perez gets lonely in his corner and decides to join the blonde next to us. He glances over a couple times at us but proceeds to talk ever so loudly about his blog and how great he's doing with it right now. Props brother! He also loudly mentions all the magazines he and his blog will be appearing in this month and goes on to chat to the unknown blonde about the possibility of selling his blog. (Not unless they offered him a shit load of money, he says). I was tempted to chime in a couple times, but Shannon was giving me the evil eye, so I contained myself.

(At Right is a little screenshot I got of the blogger's profile at Adam4Adam.com, a gay dating site courtsey of :http://www.gawker.com/news/perez%20hilton/ ....they aren't quite the fans of his that we are....)

A few minutes later, after my eyes keep darting from the laptop to my surroundings in hopes of spying one of my top 3 (Britney, Nicole or Paris), a familiar voice rings out across the Bean. Who is it? None other than Donald Faison, aka Murray Duvall from Clueless! Holler. Here's a list of Faison's other acting creds:
Something New (29-Jan-2006) King's Ransom (22-Apr-2005) Good Boy! (10-Oct-2003) [VOICE] Uptown Girls (15-Aug-2003) Big Fat Liar (2-Feb-2002) Double Whammy (20-Jan-2001) Remember the Titans (23-Sep-2000) Trippin' (12-May-1999) Supreme Sanction (9-Apr-1999) Can't Hardly Wait (12-Jun-1998) Butter (1998) Waiting to Exhale (22-Dec-1995) Clueless (19-Jul-1995) New Jersey Drive (24-Mar-1995) Sugar Hill (25-Feb-1994) Juice (17-Jan-1992)

Of course, he is also well known as Dr. Christopher Turk on "Scrubs". He chatted up the blonde and headed out. Upon arrival, he sent Perez scurrying back to his corner. Hmmm...Interesting, no?

Well, I must say, I thought it was cool to see him in person. I'm a big fan of "Clueless" and can give you about a dozen one-liners from the movie on que. It made my day!

Two large iced coffees later ( I SWEAR that the Bean's coffees have more caffeine than a gram of meth) I took it upon myself to clean the apartment. Denise and I would call this "Crackhead" cleaning, because I got on my hands and knees and scrubbed the kitchen floor with bleach and "Awesome" cleaner from the 99 cent store. Needless to say, I am still buzzing and now have a headache from the fumes, but the floor is clean as hell.

I'm knee deep in the "homeless" article and I'm trying to stay focused, I plan on working on it later today. I also applied to write for a new blog that focuses on LA. It's up and coming, but would be cool to add to portfolio.

Of course, while I was cleaning, I had to have some music in the background! Leave it to www.Youtube.com to keep me up to my ear lobes in dumb shit to entertain you with. The first piece I have for you is a vintage classic, reworked with by someone who I would really like to meet. I thought I was the only one who went around quoting this but, apperently not. Take a look:


Also, in preparation for Kirsten Dunst's new role as Marie Antoinette (can't wait), here's a clip from a long forgotten movie she did called "Get Over It", co-starring Cisqo of "Thong Song" fame! I love this song and think she has a lovely voice! Although, we all know I have a thing for the high-picked "mermaid" like vocals!


I do hope everyone got to see "Grey's Anatomy" on Thursday. It is seriously one of the best shows on television right now. I have always been a fan, but at the end of last season I really fell in love. I also picked up The Fray's new album featuring "How to Save a Life" from the show. I highly recommend! To the left here is T.R. Knight or Dr. George O'Malley. I love him. That bitch who's in love with him on the show better back off. I will work on a better pic! Don't you love my custom artwork??

Some slutty conversation...

Hi all... This blog is going to be graphic, but there is a good NEW message behind it. Men are sluts. And girls are hos. Beware for both. p.s. I got this pic by searching sluts on Google. HA!

So, lets get to the point. This blog is to discuss a currently un-published relationship theory. The theory was told to me by a player. A married player. A friend of a friend of a friend. I have never forgotten the infinite wisdom of this man though:

"You see Denise. Don't feel bad about your (short, ridiculous, and ancient) relationship. It all boils down to one thing--New pussy."

I was like, WHAT?? What the hell is that all about? And for now on I'm calling it P*.....

"Well Denise, guys always act wonderful when the P* is new. They do whatever they can to feed their hunger for the HUNT, not necessarily the sex. If and when things are spicy enough to lead to sex, the sex quickly and eventually gets old, hence the other term, OLD P*."

So there we have it. This theory is very similar to the OLD v. NEW COW theory from the movie Someone Like You (2001) :

"This theory is about male/bovine behavior: once a bull mates with a cow, the bull, having already serviced the cow, doesn't want to mate with the old cow again, the bull wants a new cow. The lead female character from the movie applies this to men: once they've had a relationship/sex with a woman, that woman becomes the old cow and therefore pass, and the man then begins looking for the new cow. "

Now, this blog is not to scare women wanting to know why their relationships might be dwindling. Most people are not that sexually driven, or willing to make the kill after a short hunt, and then decide to abandon the trophy. HOWEVER, this is a blunt (and funny) explanation for the thought process of many.

MOST RELATIONSHIPS are meant to be short. A TRYOUT. AN INTERVIEW, and maybe a second and third. But like we all know, most relationships don't work out, and most people don't land a job just because they had a good second interview (myself the case in point!)

I would like to see more acceptance for the unfortunate tryouts, the second interviews where you LEARN FROM IT. This is the key. We all need to learn from the experiences, and move on. Take what you learn and apply it to your next endeavor.

The end result from the "Road of Learning" we'll call it, is a relationship where there is no game to win. No kill after the hunt. No need to move on. Until this level of relationship is reached--TAKE THINGS FOR WHAT THEY ARE!

Human communication has came a long way over the millennia so we can more efficiently understand our peers and partners. We need to utilize opportunity for communication when the moment strikes. THIS is the key to a lasting relationship. And if this communication is true to your feelings and convictions, and the relationship is still rocky, then you know to leave the trophy, and move on cow. Learn and move on.

Moo,
D

Rated NC-17 for Graphic Scenes of Bull Shit

Sunday, Sunday, Sunday. So, this morning I crawled out of bed at 7am to head to church. I slid into my Sunday's best and made my way to the first Baptist Church in Santa Monica to get my God on.

PSYCHE!

Actually, I rolled out of bed and hopped on the bus to take my wrinkled clothes wearing ass to work. No real news there. Work Sucks.

Anyway, it's been a very chill weekend, sans Friday evening when Shannon and I decided to go out for a few cocktails. For some reason, we have decided that it's ok to start doing shots again. For whatever reason, the shots here are sort of giant. And strong. Tommy likey. So we had threw a few back at "Motherlode" a self-described "hole-in-the-wall" near Robertson and Abbey. I was unimpressed. The drinks were reasonable enough and strong. But, the crowd was boring and the sound did not bring it like I deserve when I pay 30 dollars for a round of drinks. I mean, strange euro rock has it's place, but just play some Madonna or Love Inc. and let me sing along. James somehow got himself a little flat tire right after our second drinks which engaged us in a little chug contest. Long story short, we thought the buzz wore off after waiting an hour for Triple A and headed to St. Nick's Pub to continue in the grand tradition of binge drinking. All too soon, shots were being poured down our throats and we were tanked. Good times. No Ben Savage this time though. Boo.

Besides the drinking, I saw a cool movie called, "This Film is not Yet Rated", which premiered at the Sundance Film Festival in 2006. In the grand tradition of going to the movies alone because no one likes movies that I like, I partook in a nice matinee screening of the documentary. It was sufficiently entertaining and informative as it laid out details about the MPAA ratings system, which has been a subject of scrutiny in the film industry for years. The board has been accused of rating films unfairly, having biases with gay/lesbian films (aka "Boys Dont Cry"), Independent Films, and films with sexual content. In turn, the board has been known to let violence and gore slide with an easier rating. For example, a film that shows excessive violence but does not show any blood as a result of the violence would earn a "PG-13" or "R" rating, while a film that shows a female masturbation scene in which no private parts are shown but masturbation is implied, would receive an "NC-17" or "X" rating. This greatly impairs a film because anyone under 17 is not allowed to see the film in theatrical release, even with a parent. One of the best points of the film is that we should be more concerned with showing children a realistic point-of-view instead of one the implies you can shoot and stab people all day long without any real consequences. They make a slight reference to the irony involved with these types of violence in film compared to the violence that occured in school shootings like Columbine. I say touche. Makes sense to me. Anyway, the film goes on to hire a PI to "out" the ratings board memembers, who, until now, had been kept secret. Ironically, the film gets an "NC-17" rating for sexual content because it uses clips of past "17" rated films for examples throughout. Funny, right?

So, did anyone catch "Dateline" last night? "The Paris Hilton Tapes" aired last night with Keith Morrison doing a dramatic take on the events surrounding Joe Francis and his infamous robbery and assault with a ridiculous attempt at blackmail. I won't bore you with the details, if you want to read about it check out http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/14899777/. The worst part of the whole show is the media screaming everywhere that Paris admitted she was "not that smart". I seriously can't get over the idea that every single thing she says and does is scrutinized! I mean, lets face it, if I were at the Hard Rock Hotel getting wasted for my sister's birthday, I would have a hard time remembering what exactly was said as well.

To continue, I have been having some wheels turning in my head as of late regarding the celebrities I speak of so much. Everyone always says that the group is like high school and I agree. But, I also think that this is why we are so obsessed with them. Its like that high school complex, trying to learn everything you can about the cool kids. Paris is like that hot senior girl and all of us are like the incoming freshman who just want to see her in the hallway. The "wanna-bes" of the Hollywood crowd are like those girls that never quite make it in with the A crowd, dress well enough but try way too hard. Plus, everyone talks shit about the "IT" girl behind her back but would shart their H & M capris is she asked them for a pencil. I'm rambling, I know. But, this would make such a good movie, right? To take the inner workings of "Fictional" A-listers ALA "Mean Girls". Do I smell screenplay??

Only in my blogs is Bill Clinton on top of Paris Hilton! Check out Billy dishing it out hardcore regarding Bin Laden and his efforts to track and kill him:
http://articles.news.aol.com/news/_a/bill-clinton-angrily-defends-bin-laden/20060923131109990001ncid=NWS00010000000001

And here's Paris' New Video...loves it! For real, everyone, get over that its a little kid in the video, obviously, he is in high school. Obviously all of us in highschool had fantasies about blondes. In, my case, the blonde thing wasn't really so important as the penis thing but, you get the point. In general,"Lighten the F Up!!!" Yes, I know, you can accuse me of worshiping false Idols all you want.
object width="425" height="350">

Next time, I plan on filling you all in on Grey's Anatomy and The Fray. I fucking dig both. And you should too if you want to be super cool like me! (and you know you do)

THERES EXCITEMENT ELSEWHERE??

Hi all.. this post is dedicated to the FUN FUN FUN town, Granite City, Illinois. It's beautifully decorated with puffy clouds--of soot.

So, I have been looking for some excitement now that I'm back in Granite City. I was driving down Namioki Road (Granite's Melrose!) and I saw some little raggedy sign taped to a traffic light post with electrical tape:

" Wanna know the Granite City Gossip? Go to www.GraniteCityGossip.com "

I was like, WOW, something fun! So I go home and get online, THINKING the website would be ran by half-wits who try to make small town gossip-HELL even worse. BUT NO. It's hardly that. It's a small town, small effort for shy people to try to meet other shy people via discussion boards of GC news. NO GOSSIP. Boo. But there were ads for local businesses and the such. I saw one for "El Torero," a small Mexican restaurant. David and I went there today and it was wonderfully decorated, reasonably priced, and extremely Mexican: the servers are great, but not at all versed in English. FUN OPENING! The type of opening in GC. Nothing like LA :)

On a more exciting note, tonight I watched the Ultimate Fighting Championship 63 on pay-per-view. As Creagan says: "UFC is like a gay man's dream." But for that matter, the three girls at the party were like--WOWZA! Gotta love men wrestling and grunting!

Lately, I've also been very interested in watching networks like HGTV, TLC, and STYLE that have shows based in LA. It's cool, and sad at the same time, to see someone say they were driving down the Sunset strip. I sooo miss LA. But it's cool... I mean, I cruise the Madison and Maryville strips... SO HOT!

I will now include some pics for the Ogden gang to enjoy, as well as anyone that lovesss UFC :)

Much Love,
D

I hold in my hands 12 photos....one of you must return to the apartment, pack your things and GET THE FUCK OUT!

Object width="425" height="350">
Well, fuck it. Fuck it all the way home. I ended up with a giant Hickey on my neck from an unnamed Pal yesterday and had to miss an interview because of it. Who does this after 8th grade? Seriously. Pissed. I even told him to back off the neck. Gay Ass Bitch. A Hickey is actually broken blood vessels beneath the skin. It's sort of like a bruise, if you got hit with a baseball and the impact broke the blood vessels. But instead of being caused by a foul ball, it's caused by the other person's mouth. A stupid person's mouth.

So, I'm working on an article about Skid Row. For some reason, the homeless epidemic in LA really interests me. I am actually doing hard research for this one. It's utterly depressing, but I think it will round out a portfolio I can send to the Bev. Press. The worst that can happen is that they say NO. So, what the hell, cross your fingers for me!

Halloween is fast approaching and I am interested in having a kick ass costume this year. People in West Hollywood go all out, like crazy, so I am very excited to get back in the spirit. As some of you may know, my family and I are Hallows eve FREAKS. Well, we used to be, before the big D of '97. I'm bringing Scary Back.

Paris has out a new song/video on called "Jealousy". Click here to watch, but drink a cup of coffee before cause it is dullsville

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uTJGWYk4Kyo

I have decided to start an I HATE JARED LETO CLUB. Why? Here are just a few reasons:

He used to be so cute. So good in Requiem. So, sane.

But now, hes scary. He bashes bloggers. (check out perezhilton.com) I just do not like what he's up to. I think the he and Tom Cruise and Suri are planning something. Watch the skies ya all.

Anyway. I did finally get a haircut! I am learning how to style my hair without the use of water. Its a tough road but I am trudging through. Like always, the stylist used some product and my head looked great. Alas, 25 dollars in product later, I can not seem to get the same effect. I find myself wanting to splash water on my hair every morning. Just a little water. PLEASE. GIVE IT TO ME!! So, I usually splash the H20 and ruin the style and have to rinse and re-dry and re-style. It's a tough life. Between hair, makeup and wardrobe life is getting to be endlessly tiresome. Speaking of, I thought I would be used to getting up at 6 am by now to get to work, but I'm not. I still snooze forever and am groggy all day. I hate the morning! I hate everything about it. I especially hate people like my fellow blogger whom are up and jogging at 7 am. It's not natural. Granted, Denise does that like, once a year. But, I really am thinking about carrying a roller skate with me to throw in front of joggers in the wee mornin' hours. Hilarity would ensue.

K. I've rambled sufficiently. Time to drink wine and read. And watch Grey's premiere!

P.S. I think Tyra got cooler this season of Top Model. I don't know. I heart her for some reason now. I used to want to pull out her weave, light it on fire and throw it on her during the show. All while laughing and jumping up and down with Naomi Campbell. She was funny last night! I swear ya all.

I FEEL GREAT!

Hi all!

So I've been up since 10pm last night, and that's because I slept from 3am til 10pm the night before.... yeah. Like 19 hours. WORST MIGRAINE EVER.

So my plan is to stay up from 10pm last night to 10pm tonight... SO FAR ITS BEEN GREAT. Last night started off with a great jump start of 2 excedrine's and a "lunch special" delivered from Imo's. IMO'S PIZZA IS THE SHIT for all of you outside of St. Louis, MO. (Yeah that's right... flat pizza, cut in squares! AH!)

To keep myself awake I FINALLY unpacked from the trip to LA, and of course watched mindless television for hours while constantly refreshing my MySpace homepage to see if anyone else sends messages and comments at 2am.

At like 5am, the good TV starts! Old Saved By The Bell episodes, as well as the worst infomercials ever made for overweight housewives that are actually up at 5am. Hm.

I decided to call the one person that was awake, Dave. He would appreciate my trying to get back onto a sleep schedule. NO! He was like, "Why are you doing that?" I don't think people understand how hard it is for me to go to bed at night. It's a condition! Maybe I like the dark?!

So, around 6:45am I went for a jog around the highschools track. I felt like a Nike ad: out running at daybreak, all decked out with yoga pants and an MP3 player. Wow.

Well then I started running. After about 5 feet the cold air hit my lungs and I was about done before I even started. But it was a nice 1.25 mile run--until my MP3 player broke :( Damn, that ruins the whole vibe.

But aside from the actual physical activity, was the emotional well-being! The people that say "good morning" and the feeling of accomplishment before 8am. WOWZA. I went to Starbucks and got a great greeting there as well. Maybe I am a morning person?!

Nah. I would never actually wake up early enough to do this shit. I only felt that great because I was already awake for 9 hours :) But it was a nice moment nonetheless.

After that I went to Target with Amber (my other friend that LOVES the AM.) We looked for the perfect dog collars. Very exciting for her I'm sure. Then I gave in a had Wendy's chili and fries :(

(It's not fair! They took our Wendy's away in Granite City!)

The rest of the day was handing out resumes to restaurants in the surrounding areas, and more Amber time. MUCH NEEDED GIRL TIME! I am still awake now, at 8pm, and may even go out later with Amber when gets back. Hmmmm. I just need to wake up at 8am no matter what! I am afraid that if I got out, I may pass out on the bar. Wouldn't be the first time...

WELL, update tomorrow!

Much love,
D

p.s... Love that picture of Amber? It's from an ad campaign from 2005--taken by yours truly.

Let's get personal...

Hi all! Meet Dave my ex/ pseudo boyfriend/ friend. Yeah. He's cool.

So, this will be brief. I am currently in the process of possibly mending a two year relationship with David, and I've never been more confused! Ah! We are such good friends, and also share A LOT of things in common. We also have a spark in our eyes when the words kids or marriage are spoken--it's odd. We've been broken up for five months or so, and I know he would be a great BFF and dad. SOOOOOOO, "what's wrong" you may ask??

Well, like most relationships, there are the things that ended them! Mainly we had some lifestyle differences and religious differences. These things can be ignored for a while, but.... WE HAD A HOME TOGETHER. Same address. Same mortgage. We knew marriage may be around the corner.

And tonight. Tonight I realized that we are both WAY to fucking jealous of one another! It's worked out GREAT because we both shared this ridiculous trait, and it was only towards each other. But who knows if either one of us would be like that in any another relationship?? It is nuts though. It's made me hate MySpace, and cell phones, and well, all media through which people can talk. haha.

The MAIN point here: We need to figure something out! If I were with him, my weird jealousies would go away, because I completely trust him as a boyfriend. IT'S WEIRD WHEN YOU ARE NOT TECHNICALLY TOGETHER, YET TALK EVERYDAY. You seem to want to know too much about the other one's personal life. Ew. Bad bad evil gray area. Anyone else been here before?

Here's to no more gray area!! Now if only I had Creagan and some GREYgoose to make this toast proper :)

Miss you Ogden gang!

Much love,
D

A lil something extra...

This is so true. The philosophy is correct... SO IS THE PUNCH LINE!!

Money is important even when you have JUST ENOUGH, but when you say:

"So, ma'am, I was wondering if you can pay the credit card bill, with the credit card itself? Like put it on the bill for next month!"...

Money is VERY important.

D for Vendetta (2006)

Hi all... SEE HOW INNOCENT I AM?? My innocence is discussed later...







So, this is going to be a semi-drunk post. I'm also going to keep it extremely vague and change the story lines a lot. I just have to get a point across.

I got alot done today, I did. I charged all my bills, and I sent off a WONDERFULLY written appeal letter to the state of Missouri for my unemployment hell :)

Tonight was all about reading Rollingstone at Starbucks and watching the movie Just My Luck with my mom. Gotta love Lindsay Lohan...

While I was sitting here comparing that movie's plot--unexpected turn for the worse, and "why does stuff keep happening to me" mentality--I asked my mom if she thought I should apply to work somewhere in town. She was like, "worth a shot! you're a nice girl, and everyone there seems to like you."

This place is a non-corporate cool place where non-hipster locals hang out. Love it. I go in tonight tho and I get a little weird attitude. I didn't know if it was for real at first but it turns out it was...

Has anyone else seen the news stories where they warn you not to write anything on YOUR PAGE on MySpace that you wouldn't want on the front page of a paper?? But no one really expects anyone to say anything about it. No one. Saying stuff that was said as comments to friends should just be taken lightly, especially if it is trying to be helpful. I hope everyone understands that MySpace is a past time. It's a way to be unrealistic in a WAY to dramatic and realistic world. HAVE FUN! fun fun fun...

Another issue with "ew" came up this weekend. I need people to be nice to nice people. That's all: nice to nice people.

Yes, this is the MOST VAGUE message ever. I just want us all to learn the basics. NICE. HONEST. UNDERSTANDING. NOT STUPID. There we go... :)

Aside from that... Tomorrow I may go look for restaurant jobs, and might even go to AB to look into entry level jobs. I MISS CA!! But I'm trying to love STL again. Too bad I have drama where drama doesn't need to be. I guess I'll just never say anything again.

We all know that's not possible :)

Much love!
D

Wait, theres more!

Ok, you have to watch this as well. Shannon's friends that I met a couple weeks ago are Youtube fanatics and...well...this video speaks for its self. It is FUCKING great. PS Jake, I need a roomie too. Let me know dude.

Faces I Remember.......

Hello faithful followers! Happy Monday to you all and here is today's news:

This weekend was a blur for the Ogden Crew (minus the "blonde one" AKA Denise) as we hit the town in West Coast style. Friday was consumed by an evening at "Little Bar". Its a little bar with a frat/Cheers crowd and we got sufficiently hammered for 60 dollars. Nuff Said.

Saturday began with yours truly flopping out of sleepy to make it down to 3rd street by 10 am to serve the masses spinach-less treats and coffee. (NO SPINACH, YOU WILL POOP BLOOD). The day was filled with the usual antics serving food and drink to people with too much money. Joy.

I managed to do a little shopping this weekend, picking up a brand new pair of kicks from our friend Puma as well as squandering too much dough on a Clinque skin care system. A guy needs good skin in Cali. In addition, I got in touch with my inner nerd at a kick ass comic store on Melrose. Bought a few issues and just basically browsed for an hour wishing I could decorate the apartment with Xmen statues.

We also had dinner at a little bbq place near Target on Santa Monica. We all ate too much and the sauce gave me some serious indigestion. Damn chicken wings.

I picked up J Timbers new stuff at the Best Buy at the bargain price of 10 bucks. Im bringing it work tomorrow to bring the sexy back to 3rd street. Woot.

We went to a bar near my work called ST Nicks Pub on Saturday and had a good time. I got to meet Shans new friend from the Cheesecake and her roommate. We all had too much to drink when none other than Ben Savage (Corey Matthews from Boy Meets World) walks by us in a drunken haze. Needless to say, we were star struck. I mean, I watched his curly ass grow up! Too bad, Topanga was no where to be found, she was always so cute. Apparently he is a fixture at the bars around Bev. Hills so, I am sure we will see him agian. Maybe we will be pals. Me and Corey. BFF. Move over Shawn.

Shan saw David Spade and one the Hos from Danity Kane at the Cheesecake last night. Reports conclude that Spade and Locklear are over, since MY roomie saw him with a different blonde bitch. I loved that show you used to be on Dave. RIP Farley.

In other news, Britney's new kid has a name...heres the details:
- The child has dark curly hair
- He weighs 6 lbs, 11 ounces, and is 19 inches long
- Britney and Kevin are undecided on a name, but they're toying with names with the letter "J"
- Most of the combinations of names they came up with had the middle name "James" (yes, also J)

Oh, yea and the name is Sutton Pierce Federline (Spears). Whatever. Britney get in gym, get the blonde back and get an albulm out. I can only listen to Toxic so many more times....

Anyway, I am going to read my new Christopher Moore book and drink my cheap red wine. Oh in case you missed it, yesterday was the final evening for the WB. I grew up and loved that network. So, heres a little tribute that I found after spending sunday night with the pilots of Buffy and Dawson...... width="425" height="350">..>

I'm not married...

Hi all...

So today was my cousin's wedding. My cousin who is two days younger than me, my cousin who I was raised with and therefore feel I'm constantly compared to. Normally, I had as much going for me as she did. I made great money, had a steady boyfriend and had at least one college degree. I was always a lot more eccentric, but that's just my personality versus her very traditional personality.

So, their wedding was beautiful. Perfectly family oriented, and perfectly minimal yet beautiful. She wore a dress passed down for the last three generations, which was altered by herself and her mom. BEAUTIFUL. I must say, I was jealous, but extremely happy for her and Jarrod, her boyfriend of 7 years.

While I can see marriage in my future, I also realize that it may not be for me right now. I knew I would get a lot of "So, when are you going to get married, Denise?" My grandma asked my to REALLY try to catch the bouquet. Well let me tell you, at Dave's BFF's wedding last month, I DID catch it. I also immediately passed it on to the bride's 10 year old cousin. Hmm...

I love weddings... No, no I don't. The idea is cute, and I like the tradition involved, but it's too much work that puts TOO MUCH STRESS on the two most important people involved; instead of creating only happy memories around the idea of marriage. One thing my ex and I have in common is SMALL WEDDINGS! If any! I'm thinking an exotic vacation will suffice :)

Well, tonight I am attempting to unpack one month's worth of shit, as well as suck up to my new freelance client for slacking. This weekend is just hectic because I was struck by the reality of bills, and also have 3 family events in two days.

I hope to have some wedding pics soon! Congrats Rachel and Jarrod Reynolds!

Much Love,
D

Hoosiers and Losers

Boo... what a weird 24 hours :(

So, first night back in town, I hit up the one corporate restaurant: The Bees. Yummy Yummy. Thanks for the dinner David! You are super sweet for watching the puppies and the house! XOXO

Afterward, Dave and I watched my new fav comedian Dane Cook. HE'S FUCKING HILARIOUS!! He's just like me: We both use our hands and our loud ass voices to tell very normal stories. Actually Dane uses his entire body, for every sentence. It's awesome. Check him out at DaneCook.com or MySpace.com/DaneCook.

SOOOOOO... onto the Hoosiers (an Illinois term for redneck idiots) and Losers!

After Dave time, Amber and I went to Starbucks. We were enjoying a nice game of catching up and drinking lattes outside, when this drugged, drunken beeyotch stumbles out the door. She's like, "Hey. Hey you girls. I bought this coffee from the corporate assholes, and they still won't let me use their phone! Those people scare me! So did the ones over at Shop N Save... hm... Well anyway, Can I use one of your cellular phones?

NOW... for the people that truly know me, I'm very down to earth. But I also have my valley girl moments. I give Amber the "Don't fucking think so!" look...

She asks again, "So what? Can I use your phones?"

"Why don't you go back inside to use their phone?" I say...

Keeping a story short... she uses mine (I caved!!) and SNEEZED INTO THE FUCKING PHONE THREE TIMES IN A ROW! SHE KEPT TALKING AS IF GERMS WERE NOT AN ISSUE! Fucking Gross. I washed that bitch with soap and water--the phone that is. Ew. Fucking Ew.

So my fave baristas saw this hoosier spitting at another customers, and were like, "Yeah, GCPD? So her friends plate number is 123 A..." before I even had to ask!! I love them! Luckily there was a cop near that shopping center and they talked to her. SOOOO worth the $3. Coffee and entertainment.

So, today I FINALLY woke all the way up by 1. (11am LA time... we'll say it was jet lag!) I decided today would be the day to get all financial/paperwork done. Plus I had to do some freelance work online. So right off the bat, the internet's not working. OF COURSE. So I mess with Charter Communications. Fucking idiot on the phone. All he had to figure out was that the LAST idiot wrote my number in the computer wrong when Dave and I separated the account. So we figured it out today ourselves. Drove alllll over the place, to find old modem parts. boo.

Then, I had to call Verizon Wireless. They may be worse than Charter. My voicemail from this morning scared me so much! It was like, "We need to make sure your address is fine." WHA????? So I called and it was simply that I never changed my address with them after I moved here. Hmmm.... I create more drama for myself.

So... then onto my main problem: Finaces. I wrote down every bill I have. TOTAL: $2,400. Total in bank account: $150. Hmmm... What do I do? Well, atleast I have my __________? Health? Boo.

And finally, to round out my JOYOUS DAY: I FUCKING HATE THE UNEMPLOYMENT OFFICES! Double booey boo to you! I called today to inquire on my PROPERLY done claim, from last week. It's direct deposited, so it should be here I say. They respond with, "It may take three weeks." WHAAAAAA ???????? What about people that have families? This is all bullshit. These bitches have fucked me sideways like three times. I hate them. I'm having a Denise benefit concert. Any one interested? (Any band wanna play??) haha.

Tonight was supposed to do the the horse track... but you can't bet and drink for free. So,... here I am. Being good. Staying at home :) I may go out later if I can convince Dave to buy me drinks... haha.

Much love,
D

p.s. I know I reached my F bomb quota for the week. It was just necessary today... alot.

Ciao for now Denise!

So, this 6:30 a.m. thing is really tuckering out your favorite un-material girl. But, to all (3) of the loyal fans out there: a blog has henceforth begun:

Like all good things, Denise's stay had to come to an end this morning. As I rushed out the door to catch the short bus to 3rd Street, I made sure to wake her up and wish her luck with call-backs. I really, really hope she gets to come back sometime soon. But, in general, I just hope she gets settled in whatever she chooses and is HAPPY.

Last night we had a the quintessential going away drink with the Ogden Crew plus Kristen. Our plan was to go play Drag Queen Bingo at Hamburger Mary's. Sadly, during Drag-Queen Bingo, their fabulous drink specials aren't so fab and the "requested" dontation to play the B I N G O is T W E N T Y smackers. NO THANKS!
So we sauntered down the street to visit "ICandy". Sadly, we were the only ones who thought this was a good idea because NO ONE was there except us and a few sad looking homos around the bar. It was an excellent space though. The sunken seating baffled us for just a few minutes before we hiked up our skirts and slid in.

When the club scene isn't hoppin, the next best thing to drinking is eaten! So, we headed back to MARYS for a crazy spread of apps and soft drinks. Needless to say, my pants are tighter today because of it. But, who can say no to fried everything and mini-burgers? Not me. Not Shan. Not Denise. Not James. You get the picture.

So, the perfect end to a perfect night wasn't the carryout boxes we hauled down Santa Monica. HELL NO! Don't forget...PROJECT RUNWAY. Denise and I caught that shit on re-run as soon as we peeled off our clothes and slid into t-shirts and shorts. Kayne, as I figured, was Auf-fed last night. I must admit, I had a small crush. His dress wasn't as bad as Uli's (not a fan) but, he had been fucking up hardcore. Kayne, if you're ever in WeHo, let's talk about...clothes or how hot you are or...you know, whatever.

Ok, gotta peace OUT for now kiddos. Look forward to Denise posting with updates from the Mid-West. I'm sure SOMETHING is bound to happen there....(LOL)