Economic Atmosphere, 4th Quarter 2008: Fat is up 80%

McDonald's stock is up 80% net from last year 4th quarter...

So from Late 2007 to Late 2008, instead of 1 Billion Burgers Sold, 1.8 Billion Burgers were Sold.... (example)

...But really, that's almost double!


Hey everyone, Stock of the moment to invest your "extra money" into: WEIGHTLOSS PROGRAMS! Not only because it's January/February 'Lose the Holiday weight season' but MORE SO, because the world is choosing a more pocket-friendly alternative to the Applebee's WeightWatchers lunch: The $2.99 DOUBLEcheeseburger Value Meal from McDonalds. Or, as my 6'2" 150lb male 'I can dispose of all transfasts and not gain' co-worker told me: "Jack in the box is selling a Jumbo Jack, 2 tacos, and a large fry for $2.99. I had it yesterday, and it was AWEsome!" Granted, this co-worker was one of the 1-in-10 U.S Citizens that worked at a McDonald's in their lifetime, and he did call it "the Machine." Says Boy-Genius, "It really is a machine, and it will always do exactly what it takes to stay on top and overcome all challenges [Super Size Me ring a bell?] and will keep sales rising."

Wow... So this is what it's come to? Don't mind the fact that I've had the food education of a lifetime the last 9 months while dating Nutritionist/Personal Trainer Mr. Nick. As a tradionally healthy 'Farmer's Daughter' I thought my spinach salad and soup lunch, then grilled chicken and grilled asparagus dinner was healthy. Now I know of such daemons as uncertified organics, falsely advertised natural products, special dietary ratios, antagonist and synergists in nurtients within your body, etc.
IN LAMENS TERMS: There's a ton of products out there that YOU may think are healthy, even found in the NICE grocery store, and they are actually SHIT. Certain nutrients can be fighting against something ELSE you are taking, possibly in supplement form, to help your body's specific needs. Furthermore, the chemicals your 'healthy' proteins were pumped with at birth and through the growth cycle, are 10x worse than certain more fattening proteins.

Back to Fast 'Food' Chains from hell:
The problem is--There's no easy way to feed a family of 5 during a recession. The more we lend out, the more prices will inflate. The more superstores and restaurants SAY prices are being slashed on necessity items like Eggs, Milk, Raw Veggies and Beef to "Help you get past the recession," they are hiking the prices on toiletries and processed and packaged goods. So really, they are screwing you over x2. You THINK you're saving money and you are NOT, AND you are eating SHIT food that is "eco-priced," which normally means the farmers or the shipping company got fucked with lowered costs, or your qualitative value has decreased substantially.

So, Where do you turn?

I had a simple rule of my own (BEFORE I met health-guru):

Shop the outside of the grocer ONLY: Think about it, where are all the 'non-processed' foods? Produce-Dairy-Protein-Bread
It's brilliant, and aside from the 24-pack of bottled water and cheap wine aisle, you are out the door 30 minutes faster because you are not aimlessly walking around the 24 aisles. ALSO, you tend to save money with no 'Promotional end caps' of nacho chips and the 'fake cheese that is supposed to be sold with them' extravagant purchases.

Now with Health-Guru's help, I've noticed that these "outside perimeter purchases" also need to be "Pre-washed, Organic if it all possible, Grass Fed Beef, Free-Range no antibiotics Chicken, Wild Caught Fish, Free Trade Coffee products" to name a few.

Basically: These are food products that were 'farmed' the way nature intended the animals to eat, and live. Or, they are products that were farmed with workers earning a living wage for a quality product. While these products are traditionally more expensive because of the TLC put into their production, there is a whole movement to push the #1 Money Maker in the world: The Food Processing Industry to get on board with these eco-friendly practices. Until that happens (which it won't without hard-government intervention) the prices will remain higher than most crap-product. There are "Generic USDA Certified Organic Brands" out there. Certified is VERY important!! Schnucks has 360 degrees. Shop N Save has Wild Harvest. Then there's Trader Joe's: A Store that only sells it's own brand of well made, mostly organic products.

But I digress, HOW TO FEED MULTIPLE HUNGRY KIDS with little money:
Well, While 'Family Bags' of grilled chicken for $5.99 are kind of a joke at that price for that much product, we do have to say: That is a hell of a lot better than: "4 #14's Super Sized and 4 Cherry Pies. Oh what? Oh we'll have Diet Cokes. We're on a diet!!"

Really. Wtf is up with that. Or 8 Mich Ultras and a 20 piece order of Hooters chicken wings.
Come on people. Join the movement.

Stop eating this junk; it's killing you.

Dr. D

The Theory of RelativiDee

Everything is Relative.

Period.














Ever hear something from a colleague, family member, or friend and think, "WHAT?? How did that even come out of your mouth??"

...Then you realize: 'Oh... That's THEIR perspective.'

But when the Colleague-Family-Friend person SAID the statement, they seemed SO sure of their statement; IT is the ultimate truth, and your view is wrong.

But wait, waitttttt, who decides which point of view is correct? Are any views or opinions correct? Even those seemingly INSANE people: Can we judge their statements or actions? Have you been through what they have in the last 24 hours cycle of hell? Probably not.

What about the drama queens (yours truly)?? What if their drama stems from experience that has come round and round again, and they are simply speaking from frustration of ALWAYS being the ones that have "been there, done that?"

Then there is normal: "Normal" things in life, the "Normal people" that just say, what I TEND TO THINK, are the dumbest, one-sided things:
#1 "The roads are fine." Says an office manager, on why the Salaried Employees who have laptops and can work from home can't have a "Snow Day." WHOS ROADS ARE FINE?? Ever lived border-lined Bourgeois-Ghetto? One block mansions, one block ghetto? They are called red-lined zones: And no services go there: Taxis, PD, and STL City Employed Snowplow Drivers. Bumfucks. WHY NOT?? All the 'County' Roads, where everyone ELSE in my company lives, are wonderfully cleared/covered with magic salt by their boring White-Male Snowplow drivers, who get paid via high-property tax dollars. Not me :(
It's ok, I'm not bitter

>:(

#2 "Everyone in St. Louis in the fine dining industry has worked there." I'm sorry, the word-vomit came up: "What? What do you mean? Who is everybody?" uhhhhhhh.....
No really, when people say these things, you kind of have to teach them a lesson from using words like "Every" "Never" "Always".... Bad. Confusing. Excessive, much?
"Maybe everyone knows each other in the small circle from your friends-of-past that worked at the OTHER place the owners opened, therefore having possibly 100 people in a network of friends-friends you may have gotten drunk with on a case of '2 Buck Chuck' at someone's house party. Yuck.

Please people. Stop saying things like this. You normaltons have no excuse like "insane" or "drama queen." And you know what? Please, throw this back in my face if I do it in front of you!! I don't want to be example #3....

Word up.

D

Painting is Fun

Ah... How exciting. It's like Spring Cleaning... Only it's snowing 6" tonight and my toes are frost bitten while inside. Hmmm.

Today was PAINT DAY! Thank you Nick for driving my ass to the "nearest" Home Depot

Special thanks go out to the Sandman, Bill and Bob, though they'll never read this... It's nice to say anyway ;)

So my company switched logos recently, and we had this UBERlogo on the walls of our conference room. Also the room needed a quick pick-me-up too, so I decided to volunteer for a job; a job that would get me away from a computer screen for 2 days, and would be easyyyyyyyy.

L. O. L. no

So I go spend $135, $135 plus interest and steak and vodka I hope to be repaid. Seriously.

I bought some nifty things: A tape roll with a "drop cloth" attached, I put drop cloth in quotes because this shit tore left and right, a paint bucket the size of your hand that rests on your wrist so you can keep just a bit near you while you do trim work, and an all-in-one kit full of shit I don't know how to use. It's ok tho, remember, I'm getting reimbursed, right?

So the point of all the paneling protection, light switch protection, and most importantly, floor and floorboard protection, is to AVOID paint in those areas. As my boss will discover tomorrow, I was resting my extended roller handle, roller down, on the drop cloths sometimes. Well, wouldn't you know I walked all over that shit, and subsequently all over the carpet :( Bad tennis shoes, bad!

Anywho, primer is done, and my high is almost gone. Tomorrow we paint "OPAL CREAM" or some shit. yay!! It's so cute. Kind of looks like a cousin to Big Bird, but with a more pastel take. I think it will be pleasant yet energizing. Let's hope everyone else thinks so :) I picked it out alone.

Toodaloo!

D, aka PaintFace

Why CAN'T it be like High School dammit!

Snow day please.

Please??









Really? Why can't it be like high school. We are still in danger on our way to our daily activity, no? Just because we are riding in sedans driving with half a hand instead of big yellow death wagons makes no diff.

What is it with some corporations these days--they don't think the EXACT same stuff can be done at home as it would be at the office. Really, the 'IN-TER-NET' (say it with me: "in-ter-net") changed all of this about 15 years ago. We will be fine. I can still call whomever I wish, I can still email 87 emails a day (ya'll know that) and I can still program or take questions from clients. HOW you make ask? I have a PHONEEEEEE and a COMPUTERRRRRR. ooooooh

So wtf bossmen? Let us sleep in til 7:59 and work in our lime green haneous "PINK" on the ass sweats, with our pony tail all fucked up still from bed-head. We have contact info, we do. We will use it, we will. We may be watching old British comedies on the ole Tube the whole time, but what's the diff to that or an iPod constantly attached to my skull? Atleast then you won't hear me singing the same 27 song playlist over and over.

See, it's normal for people to work from home now a days. An honestly, on my lunch hour I wanna name snowmen with carrot and coal doodles and snow devils. :*(

What do you think?

Legally Bomb

There's the real Elle. The character Elle from the movie Legally Blonde played by Reese Witherspoon. The character that was written by intelligent yet amusing professionals.

Below is the story of a different Elle, from Legally Blonde, the Musical >:( So Many Things Completely Wrong...

... completely wrong.

I sat there, during the second act, wondering if the play-writes for the Legally Blonde Broadway Play were lighting the bong for the first half of the the writing process, and then smoking out of it for the second half.

What, the fuck.

Really. It was such a good first half!! With the exception of the cheerleader friend ruining the bend and snap song. She was like "Why do you think guys always stick with the cheerleaders?" "I don't know friend, why? Because ya'll run around jumping up and down showing your panties?" "Haha..." says the cheerleader. "Exactly! And because we demand attention!!"

WOW! Glad the girl scouts in the next section heard that shit!! Then she continued to bend over like 16 year old groupies at a hip-hop concert. Fuck. Call me old, call me old-fashion, but WE ALL KNOW I've done my fair share of 'fun' and even I'm calling a 'WTF' for this show.

I need to add in the small part of PLAGIARISM that Amanda so kindly pointed out (most likely to dear Creagan's obsession with the Little Mermaid soundtrack). Their song "Please let me be.... Le-gal-ly.... Blonnnnnnnde!" Sounded a bit too much like "Parttttt of your: worrrrrrrllllddddd!" Listen for yourself at the 1:15 minute mark. Holy hell.


There was also the fact that some characters were completely out of whack with the original movie, which was so sad, because it was the CASTING and CLEVER WRITING that kept Legally Blonde, the movie, so socially acceptable, uplifting, and relatable to girls everywhere, or all ages.

#1 The lady professor: SUCH A KEY ROLE, totally removed. How? She's the 'wench' professor from the beginning of the movie, that brought Elle back from life after Callahan hit on her. She told Elle, "If you going to ruin your life because of one stupid man, you're not the girl I thought you were" and then did her eyebrow/facial expression magic that made Elle stay at Harvard and finish her Harvard Law education! And at the end of the movie, during graduation, this woman gave her SUCH a cute send off!!

#2 They made Emmit's role much stronger, to the point that it seemed he and Elle were flirting and dating throughout the play. Not the point or AT ALL what happened! Completely wrong! It looked like 'Callahan's assisitant', Emmit, got Elle her internship. Bah. Negative Ghostwriter. And an interlude: The scene where Elle tell's Emmit he needs to change his wardrobe, WHERE DID THAT COME FROM? Not in the movie, totally out of character. And to top it all off, they compare Emmit to Warner, her 'douche bag wrapped in a douche box' ex boyfriend. As if all guys need to look like Ken Dolls. Ugggggg.

#3 They played DOWN the comradery of Elle and Vivian, Warner's NEW girlfriend, in the second act!! What about the scene where they bond over the Coursework and how Warner WAS WAITLISTED to get into Harvard and Elle was NOT?? Pivotal Scene!! Again: Removed! Why?? To save time for a shiteous second act full of time filling songs and dance numbers?

Aside from crutial character flaws, there were also HUGE issues with Political Correctness. wow. WOWY! Two fag-hags (of course that's PC, duh) were slapping their knees this shit was so wrong. They made gay men out to be gallivanting size 26 waist ballerina sailors, and made the 'token lesbian' law intern only out to check out both Elle's AND Mrs. Windom's ass and tits the whole time!! Where the hell did that come from?! Enid Wexler's part in the movie was cruel at first yes, as were all Harvard students, but warmed up to a true and undiniable appreciation for Elle, and her brain, not her rack or vag.

At the end of the song below, which I assure you is a MUSTn't see (I still can't decide if it was really wrong or just midwest wrong), they changed all the lights in the theatre to reflect that of a gay pride flag, as if EVERYTHING in a gay man's life is WHITE POINTY TOED SHOES and SAILOR SHIRTS and TANNING and GAY PRIDE FLAGS.

Listen to this shit below, Then YouTube "Gay or European and watch all the cartoons put to this song, its a fucking RIOT!



FUCK PEOPLE!! Why do you think there are so many damn Homo-phobes around. I can rattle of a dozen names of close colleagues that are like "No, man, I'm not a homophobe, I have a couple gay aquaintences. As my wife says, as long as they don't come after me!! Huh huh!" Really, this is what White-Bread American men think: Watch out straightmen!! They're all after your dicks!"

Now I'm not sure if it was before the worst gay-themed song ever written, or after, but... Last I leave you with this thought:

A strapping young man, in a tight UPS outfit, joining an already unorganized group of in-costume actors on stage, with no sets, no special lighting...
He holds up a large white box, so big as to hold a dozen fully bloomed, long-stemmed roses, and instead of giving this box to his love interest, Paulette, he holds it to his crotch, as if to make a giant white folic symbol with a fucking bow on it!!! And the actor holds it there... and yells "I've got another package!" ....5 or 10 seconds too long!!

Then in comes this Celtic Irish jig music from act one, the same music that Paulette said calmed her down for a reason unknown (I couldn't understand half her words, thank god I had seen the movie or I'd be lost) and AND THE WHOLE DAMN COMPANY STARTS DOING A JIG. Why?? WHERE DID THAT COME FROM? Amanda and I were like: "Really? Really?"

Then a chorus line emerges, leg kicks and all, and again we are bewildered. All the characters were dressed and ready for their next parts... so was simply a badly written time filler? And if so, why did they RUSH all of the the first half's music?

...Turns out there was no point at all to the 5 minute chorus line skit. They wanted a round of applause. The 15 eldery couples with season passes and no binoculars laughed and applauded, because they didn't understand how bad it was and how out of context the whole 2nd half was becoming.

Yuck booey. I really wanted this to be amazing. Dinner was great. Thanks Amanda for going out and being a witness to this story. LOLs.

Well Woods (comma) Elle, it was a nice try, great first act, but we even knew you were hurting trying to NOT LAUGH at what the producers and writers made you sing come Act 2....

D

STAY THE FUCK OUT OF MY CAR!

No no no that's not my car.

They didn't need to break my windows. They are super ninjas that osmosis their asses in, and are only looking for crack money. Right??


My little Silver Sonic has been burgled in the following places:

#1 In a parking lot by a large, up-scale restaurant in my neighborhood. Vehicle was in parking lot over night

#2 While packed with Shizz from my move and parked across the street from my mansion. Luckily, these assholes found out the boxes of Shizz were full of kitchen utensils of little value and old keep sakes from the Hallmarks of the world.

#3 If my usual parking spot: Assholes are hitting too close to home now!

Shit, even White Lightning wagon was burgled with time #2!! Who wants anything out of dirty Silver Sonic and old-lady-mobile White Lightning wagon?? They both look like rubbish most of the time. (Geez, their pet names sound more like best-selling vibrators. lol.)

Anywho, Whoever the hell is stealing my dirty tissues, old cds and my pocket change KEEP THE FUCK OUT OF MY CARS!!

... I need that change to feed the meters during my business day :(
Assholes :*(

I cannot understand your game:
You want crack money? There must be better targets! Plenty of luxury autos in my neighborhood. Car alarms don't REALLY matter you know, you'll be gone before the bitches wake up and climb down from their 3rd floor bedrooms. So try elsewhere. Stop bothering me!
OR Maybe I'll just leave the rubber cupholder/change jar on top my car nightly, MAYBE THEN YOU'LL STAY THE FUCK OUT OF MY CAR.

My colleague told me that in her old city, people would leave their cars EMPTY, and their doors unlocked, as if to say "Whatever assholes, I've got nothing this time... so don't come back next time." I might need to try that..

Goddamn hillbillies.

You didn't even take the $120 black patent leather and plaid ankle boots out of the back seat. (Those shoes sound cute, right? RIGHT?) You stole the $20 Wilson tennis racket I purchased in 1998. Why? And btw, I loved that tennis racket you assholes!

Either way, I'll be watching. Be careful, I now have 14 ice scrapers after I told family members I needed one at Thanksgiving, and the next day bought 3, one for each car, and an extra for inside the house, and was later presented with 9 extra on Christmas morning.

Thank you all. The weapon of choice.

It was Mrs. Smith, with the Ice-Scraper, in the Driveway. You win!!

D

Sleep

Ahhhh.
Sleep.
Great concept: One third of your life should be spent enjoying sleep. Deep sleeps.

My version? Several-Times interrupted, never eight hours, wake-up-feeling-worse-than-when-I-feel-asleep--sleep.

So is this why, about once a month, I sleep for about 30 hours on Friday and Saturday night?

Really, it is like clock work.

"Hey girl!! I'm coming home!! Hollah!" a BFF will text. "Get ready to par-tay!"

oh wait, Waaiiitttttttttt, I'm asleep already. It's 7:00pm and I'm out.

"WAKE THE FUCK UP" "WTF ARE YOU DOING DEE" "WE ARE OUT DOWNTOWN? WHERE ARE YOU?" "STOP DOING YOUR BOYFRIEND AND CALL ME" "HELLLLLO!!" "OK WE'RE COMING OVER TO ROLL YOU OFF THAT FUCKING BED."

Sometimes that last one works. But really. These are the texts I'll see the NEXT day, and I'm truly flabbergasted as to how I slept through that?

Ask anyone: I can hear my phone's 'text-noise' from across a mall. So how is it on 'these weekends' can I not hear anything?

People never want to believe me, til they've witnessed the 'Dee sleep' themselves. Now all my close friends just know, I probably passed out.

See, for most, the weekend is a time to go all-out, fucking riot style party! WHOO!!

For me, my job is so stressful, it's DeeTime. Get away from me time. I'm taking hot baths, making new hot tea or coffee every 3 hours, seeing my puppies, having a bottle Cambria Pinot and watching lame movies all night time. And, on occasion, NOT sleeping all week, and having some party weekends, will catch up to me. (or having such a redic Thursday night party, it's just warranted: see yesterday's post: "Why drink shots before the cocktails?")

... And Thus: The all sleep weekend.

A few things contribute here:
#1 I like partying when no one else does: Tuesday, I'm all over it
#2 Early morning meetings? Helps me wake up sooner if I was up late the night before. My fear of over sleeping gets me up at 5:30
#3 I sleep like shit every night of the week
..most important...
#4 I GET OFF WORK AT 5PM AT THE EARLIEST, AND IN NO WAY CAN I GET HOME AT 6PM AFTER DOWNTOWN TRAFFIC, EAT DINNER BY 8PM AND BE ASLEEP AT TEN.
My body just doesn't do that!! I need like a 7 hour down-time. Therefore, I watch movies til 12:30, and therefore wake up ALWAYS running behind, and am stressed all day, etc...

Suck!

"So Dee, just go to bed sooner, wake up earlier, problem solved!"

"NO!" I say to this person, and everyone else that gives me that line of shit. Maybe if I got off work at 3:30pm, that MAY work, but I don't. I NEED ALOT OF DOWNTIME. Regardless.

So basically I'm fucked.

I guess once a month, my friends, my boyfriends, and my family will just have to understand I'm out of commission. I mean everyone's different. Every needs to tend to their body's cycle of needs.

LASTLY: SLEEP IS RELATIVE. YOU ARE NOT LAZY IF YOU GET UP AT 1PM. MAYBE YOUR WORK SCHEDULE OR SOCIAL SCHEDULE CONSTITUTES GOING TO BED LATE AND GETTING UP LATE!

So why the fuck do people always consider getting up at noon crazy? What, because the 'early bird catches the worm?"

Sure if your worm closes at 10am and you need to catch it early. What if the worm I had to catch was a 1pm meeting that included Bloody Mary's and Hoagies. Hm?

To each their own muthah f-ahs. To each their own....

:)

In the meantime, I'm fully rested. Just wishing I hadn't pissed off a dear friend. Love you K.

Hope you see your Texas hair soon.

D

Why drink shots before the first cocktail??

What started this binge drinking phenomenon?
Was it party people that didn't want to remember walking IN to the bar, let alone walking out of the bar...
... Or was it people that knew that was correct way to numb their memories instantly; to immediately feel something different, and to forget what was plaguing them just moments before.

I'm going with the later idea, and I'm going to pretend I'm not the only one.


This terrible looking shot glass holds the devil's syrup in the middle, and my personal favorite, sugar free red-bull along the outside. Tilt the ole head back, and it's a new beginning where old feelings are flushed away by the Absolut Citron that was on special that night for $3 a shot. WHY put something that yummy on special AND have good signage to advertise? Ahhhh I was doomed when I walked in the venue.

"Creagan! Amanda! Get your asses here!" I type via text message... "I have your first shot waiting on the bar."

"5 Minutes" Creagan replies.

No!!! 5 more minutes til I can sling this back?? I'll just finish this Grey Goose short glass first. 3 minutes later: "Sure I'll have another" I say to the bartender. They arrive to see my second drink almost gone, "Hey guys!! Hey guys!! Here are the shots!!"

I'M even noticing myself, how desperate I sounded to drink these fucking shots. What the hell was going through my head??

The others grab their shots, and without even a toast, we down them. Now originally my classy colleagues had purchased Bud Select 2x4's... but after tasting the delight that is Vodka, they switched to the devil's juice as well.

mmmm. 3 Grey Goose shorts and one "Citron Bomb" later, I'm feeling no worries--nothing--can get to me. Trivia is about to start. OMG it's only 8:30 and I'm fucked. How wrong is that. How wrong is it also that I have to work in the morning. How wrong is it also that my boss, his wife, and some couple friends of theirs are now in the same bar. Wow. I'm going to be seen in such a state? Oh... ah well, did I mention that Vodka makes Dee not give a shizz?

15 minutes later, I was so delighted to see my boss' wifey out and about, I end up chatting with her about my life's direction and being 26 and at a few crossroads WOW! (and I'm now on her lap... How the fuck did that happen I don't know, but it was ok at the time.)

I end up running my mouth to her for like 15 minutes and she was like "Hey, get a grip. Your a great woman. Do what you want, you deserve it. Now stop talking."

LOLs

So we play a bit of Trivia, and of course my ass is yelling the answers out loud (for those of you that know me, I suck at trivia and was damn delighted I knew ANYthing... I'll use that excuse for giving away some answers)

In the end of this 5-hour "happy hour," I am forced to have someone else drive my vehicle to Amanda's, where we all stayed the night and drug our sad asses to work the next day. Yay us!

... Yay for me, though I couldn't exactly call off sick anyway, now could I. My boss was there watching me getting shitty.

Anyway, the point to this blog: The reason. THE REASON I felt the need to get plastered on a Thursday. I wasn't totally in a rotten mood. It was a somewhat dreadful day though: I had been at my doctor's office all day due to some pangs in my center chest. It was scary, and I had to have 6 xrays, and blood work done. She prescribed me the heaviest doses of 2 rather frightening pills, both I had to take for 2 weeks, and both you can't drive or hardly function, let alone drink with. (you could if you were a masochist and wanted to get even more trashed than I...) So I wasn't in a particularly great mood. I had also popped an Excedrine when I got home, which has a bit of caffeine and was meant to dilute my headache from the day... it actually have me a mind and body high and made me EXTREMELY AMPED (yes like that) while I was driving to this happy hour. WOWZA I'M EXCITED. THIS MUSIC IS GREAT. THIS HIGHWAY IS GREAT. OMG MY HEART IS GOING REALLY FAST. WOW I FEEL LIKE KAYNE BLOGGING.

Really, that's how the night started. So, No matter what, I know what I need to do: Get back down to being mellow Dee. From Jan 08 til Dec 08 I was pretty much "2 glasses of wine or 2 martinis" girl, for an entire evening and night. And only like 2 nights a week. Now it's like my body is ready to start "experiencing" alcohol again, and I need to remember that these "Alcohol Wave Tendencies" I call them, are a terrible experience for me, personally, and I'm sure for others. The "waves" are: I'm an alchy for 6 months, then sit-at-home or 6 months. I'm definitely someone that's 'Ride or Die'... 'To the fullest'...'I'm in or I'm out'... kind of person.

My goal for 2009: To moderate ALL aspects of my life. If I go out one night, the next night I'm in AND at the gym. If I eat pasta with olive oil and marinated chicken pieces with cheese all over that shit, the next night its lean protein and grilled asparagus. If I had a realllly caffeinated morning, then I get low-caffeine tea in the evening and get to sleep early that night, so hopefully the next morning I do not need as much crack-feine.

...If all of these ideals actually stuck, I'd want a gold star from everyone that knows me. But we all know it will be like a green star. Green: Good try, semi-honorable mention, btw you spent too much GD money on lattes this year and expensive "good" tea :(

I'm trying ya'll!!!

D

I can't stop them

The tears... The tears they fall...

At some point in every one's life you feel how weak you truly are. You see yourself as a fragile human being, no matter how smart you are, how good you look, how successful you are within your firm.

Have you ever cried at work? I have. I just did. But it wasn't because of a client, or because of my role in this company, its because of the demon that is within this place that was put here to test me. I honestly believe that. Everyone is given tests and challenges throughout their lives to show them what they are made of, and to remind them who they are.

I have been fighting this demon for two years now. I have tried different ways of being nice to have a resolution, I have tried to be direct and assertive, I have tried to be gentle and hard, and I have finally chosen to say what I want to say. (See previous post: ...And the Wall Crumbles)

I want to say Fuck Off Demon. Go Test someone else now. I have learned my lesson, and you are not part of the solution.

Ah...

I am so conflicted. I have a job. I have a job in a bad economy. I have a job in a bad economy with benefites, fun co-workers, and a company car, gas card, and blackberry. Why I am do up and down on this one then?

I hear other people go to work, and be fine. I come to work fine, and am immediately brought down from the aura of "who did this wrong." It's not the industry, it's not the people as a whole per se,... what is it?

It's people playing against each other. It's the human nature to protect their own environment and territory, and use their hieracrchy against the rest. I'VE been here longer, but I'VE got a youthful exuberance, but I'VE got the knowledge.

Then sit the fuck down people and share. Don't tell me you don't have time. Put out your goddamn $2 ghetto pack of cigarettes and sit with me. Drive faster to work, there's time. Don't walk across the whole office to ask me what could have been intercomed, there's time.

Now realize something:

You're all thinking the same thing. That's right. It was actually just proven to me by my boss, Jesus. He enlgihtened me. Everyone actually has happy thoughts. Thoughts of positive teamwork, and a unified efficent enviromnent. I know that's what I think. What I WANT--want to see from the good people around me. We are great people. Everyone in their own way. But funny thing, Demon said they wanted all the good fuzzies of change and positive teamwork, and I say "HAH! Hah to you Boss Jesus. You've been lied to. That's a crock."

"Hey, Hey, Snap out of it..." says Boss Jesus,... "why are you looking at the floor??"

"Because that just killed me." I felt like I was so struck by the bad-vibe lightning, that I couldn't talk, I couldn't speak, I couldn't agknowledge.

So I shed a tear.

and another.

and another.

"Please excuse me Boss Jesus. I have to go to my desk now."

What are you supposed to do when you're faced with a cross roads. How do you solve it? Turn to friends? Turn to your lover? Turn to a faith?

You should really look in the mirror and ask yourself. As I preached with "Show Yourselves" earlier this week. I'm the real case here: I'm conflicted.

I've dried my tears for now. Now it's time to be honest with everyone. What am I going to do.

I'm just TRYING to invest, Mom!

"An investment in knowledge always pays the best interest." -Benjamin Franklin (1706-1790)

Know-It-All...





So today's textual bliss is due to my eminent hatred for THINKING I'm trying to do something good, and a negative or neutral result occurs.

You that know me, especially certain co-workers, know that *I think* I always have the world's best interest at heart, and that, Yes, I am part Polish and have hardwood floors for a head. It's true yes, but in the end I think my stubborn ways pay off... (no??)

So, like several times in my past, I went to invest some money tonight. I decided to try the firm that also insures my home and vehicles; all eggs in one basket if you will.

I was to get a $100,000 life insurance policy to protect: me. That's it. I have no real debt anymore, and have no dependents (oh Katie and Maximus I love you I do... but we are talking about people! Oh, you are people? Oh I'm sowwy...)

Where was I? Oh yes, from what I heard, this policy would have the following benefits:

• 4-5% Guaranteed return, yes even in this swell crapconomy
• Provide the outstanding $100k death benefit to my benefactor(s), which yes, I'm in my 20's, but it would feel good to be "worth" something again. Since I sold my house, I'm feeling like ... well... Like I own a couch and a best-buy brand TV.
• Money invested is money you can withdraw at a later date, if need be. So in essence, it'd be like the candy jar. I'd put a certain amount away, "never to see it again." I can't seem to do that now. I have the self-control to KIND OF save for immediate use: vacation, new couch, etc, but have not been able to grasp "money you won't use for 40 years" concept.
• (Side note: Maybe I should start a SWEAR jar for my life savings... oooooh! Then I'd always have opportunities and reasons to save :) Trash-mouth Sailor Dee could definitely fill that shit up.)
  

So here I went: Hello Sir the Salesman. I'd like the good life insurance, not the crap "term" life. (Term is like leasing a car... you can only get the money you put in if you pass on. Whole life you can "borrow" against.)

"OK", says Sir the Sales guy, "Here are the specs for your Universal Life policy. You can add more money to it later, blah blah blah, your rates won't change, blah blah blah, this is great for YOU, not much a month, blah blah blah."

"OK ma'am, who's the benefactor?" "Your parents?" "OK, can you spell your mom's last name?"

Wait sir, she has a strange new 'hyphen-space-2-names' kind of name, let me call her and ask her legal spelling.

"Hi mom, so you're a benfacto... On my life insur... State Far... It's ok... One Hunded Thou... No really, I'm about to sign on the dotted lin... I have to go n... I should ask for more options? Okay, thanks mother."

"Sir can you forget everything we just said and start over on WHOLE life, not fake whole life??"(Universal Life, keep up kids, is apparently an evil tranny version of Whole Life insurance,... looks the part, but has some of the wrong parts. Eek!) "And now that I'm taking the more expensive type policy, can I lower to a $50k?"

...What, you don't do $50k? But all I have is a couch and a best-buy brand TV. :*(

Sir the Salesman now looks sad. We were at a standstill. I do not want the $100K Whole Life and he cannot provide me with a $50k Whole Life. I promised I'd come back and see him, PROMISE! We both know what will probably happen. Poor Sir. He made an evening appointment to mess with a 20-something and her mommy! Hell naw! I got copies of both types of policy's and left.

My mom is brand-loyal as HELL to her highschool friend with a different insurance company. Until I get quotes from this cool-as-school friend of hers, she'll never be happy, and I will never feel as though I completely researched my options.

See, there are 2.5 things I learned early in life:

1. My mom is, in fact, completely right, 96% of the time
2. I am JUST like my mom. I will bother my children too till they do what I say, all with good intentions of course.

(2.5. Because I am like her, then by some Algebraic equation that means I too, am always
right, EVEN NOW!! Just get used to it people, sorry. It's hereditary; not my fault.)

So there we are. I am AGAIN going to have to research my investment opportunities. Yet in the meantime: I AM NOT INVESTING!!

It's just like when I had an extra $3k to invest in: WHATEVER! I met a NorthWestern Mutual agent at Hooties and asked him if I could come discuss options. Mommy also talked me out of that because I'd give the man a chunk of that money anyway, blah blah blah.... and so the money was ultimately spent on MAC makeup and tranny 'get that hair bigger' hairspray so I could sling MORE wings and beer, to make MORE money I WASN'T INVESTING.

Blargh. Anyone have any ideas?

D

"LOUD NOISESSSSSSSSS!!!" -Brick, Anchorman

SHUT UP!!

No, Really, SHUT THE FUCK UP!







To my dearest, first floor neighbors, Rules to live by:

#1 Do NOT give your 3-year-old and 7-year-old children a gaming system!

#2 Do NOT give your children a game for such a system that is all combat! It will be ill-used and "PING PING PING POP POP POP" all damn evening!! Really, it sounded like all the neighborhood kids got the left over bubble wrap and had a bust the bubbles party.

I WAS TRYING TO NAP!! ... i had a big dinner :(

#3 Do NOT wait 75 minutes to say "Hey, QUIET YO ASS!!" When your child is out of line, don't wait forever to say something, but DEFINITELY, do NOT yell out loud! You are now adding to the frustration, to the chaos, to my lost minutes of sleepy Sunday evening bliss.

#4 What's with the furniture being moved all the time?? STOP IT! Just STOP!

#5 ... That shits so loud you didn't even hear when I beat my All-In-One jumbo remote on the hardwood to say "WTF ARE YA'LL DOING!! Fear my remote! Ahhh"

Really people, you confronted at me in the first 5 minutes when I moved into this unit on a Tuesday at 8:30pm, and we were done by 9pm. I am sorry "that you have a toddler," and "needed me to be more quiet" but THEN WHAT GIVES?? You're a noisy bunch that never shuts up from irregular behavior!

Kids are loud, I understand. I do not actually have any of my own, but adults should know better.

Ms. Quiet Pants has 3 shows daily: Beyonce, Areatha, and Jill Scott. Really, is there a recording studio in your bathroom?

And your yelling? Your 7-year-old will ultimately think that's normal: I feel bad for her first significant other. That poor little girl hears it all the time. Maybe that's why they act up so much: Like mommy like daughter.

And my favorite, I save for last--This is a repeat offender too-- "Where's my $6?" says the mommy to the daddy. "I didnt take no $6 out of your purse." "Nah, I know you did. You put that $6 back, NOW." etc....

Oh my gosh. This man got yelled at for 90 minutes one day. I'm not joking. I have witnesses.

My resolution to this? I will not attempt the "beat the jumbo remote on the floor" trick again. No. No. I will put my Mac's speaker toward the ground and blast old skool Metallica for HOURS on full volume. I cannot wait.

Come on, neighbors. I dare you.

Grrr.

D

SHOW YOURSELVES!!

No man, for any considerable period, can wear one face to himself and another to the multitude, without finally getting bewildered as to which may be true.
-Nathaniel Hawthorne


Why do we hide??

Simple question, no?

I have a few examples of self-deception within my sphere lately , and its starting to drive me gaga.

Example #1: women (and men) who do not realize their ability to CHOOSE. Are you happy or not? How many days a week are you happy in your current situation? (i.e. career, relationship, sex life, friendship) If your answer is not more than half, MAKE A PROGRESSIVE CHANGE. WAKE UP! Tis the century to do what the fuck you want! I made a VERY hard decision a few years back, that created a "The night is darkest before dawn" scenario, but I do HONESTLY think both parties involved are better off today because of that change!

Ex 1.5: There are times when people DO rectify example #1, and then hide in other parts of their lives. How is that? If you are balls to the wall in an area of your life, TRY, just TRY to apply those same principles to the other parts of your lives. THEY ALL REQUIRE THE SAME PRINCIPLES, REALLY.

Example #2: smart people doing dumb things. I just don't get our generation, (yes I'm bashing the 20-somethings-so myself included), we have EVERYTHING at our fingertips: Google, Instant Directions, Instant Messaging, Interfaced everything. So why the hell are we waiting? WHAT are we waiting FOR? And why the fuck do we do dumb things? We are at an advantage! Our generation has tools that should be making work easier and playtime more frequent. WORK SMARTER NOT HARDER. Or shall we say, follow your hearts, listen up, get out, and find the job you were meant for! It WILL not fall in your lap.

It seems as though our generation is made up of 30-yr-old retired millionaires that woke up with an idea that worked, or people living at home for NO apparent reason, just because. (Because mom still likes to fold your underwear and press your shirts.) BE ADULTS! Shit, our parents were owning property and starting their second chapter by now!

(..now wait. WAIT! Don't think I don't appreciate the more, lets say, European mentality of staying local, even at home, til you're almost 30, prepping for adulthood very thoroughly. But those lucky individuals are staying at home til they are done with their second degrees and have now paid half down on a home they just purchased.)

Luckily, I have some wonderful acquaintances that are happy mediums: strong work ethic is KEY.

Unfortunately, the people of topic here in Ex #2, have ALL THE POTENTIAL IN THE WORLD, and do not know how to use it. Something has silenced their thunder. Do me a favor people: Write down your strongest personality traits, and most advanced skills. If you do NOT get to, or choose to, use those EVERYDAY, move along. Move right on down the track...

#3 people that fuck with me. Yes, I said that. People that deceived me by "showing me" their second face, their second personality, the GUEST STAR!

I don't like guest stars. >:(

If you really are lazy SHOW ME. If you really need help in a serious part of your life ASK ME. No one can read minds. You will be farther in life if you just say what you're thinking....

...say what you're thinking without intent of harm. (need to clarify)

Above all: Be yourself, at all times. Then you will know who you can really trust, who REALLY loves you, what job you were REALLY meant for. The universe can have a small hand in your road in life, but it is your responsibility to take the hand when its out!!

Let's all shake hands.

D

...And the Wall Crumbles

"I have to keep a wall up. Trust me. It is for your protection."
Mr. J circa 2007



Funny. I always heard that, but I didn't believe it until Jan 13th, 2008. I thought it was a pathetic excuse to cover up a fellow co-workers mood swings and justify them as "normal work stress." I also thought it was just to piss me off, which it was working!

6 days ago, I was eating din din with my beau, and I get an URGENT email: "We need to come together as a team! Think out of the box! Help me with these 3 problems and you get golden stars and rainbows!" I dropped my 15 pound Qdoba feast, and wrote a reply all immediately. So proud of myself. WHAT a TEAM player!!

Over that weekend, my team went reply-all crazy and set up an appointment on Tuesday to program the changes recently discussed.

Monday. Monday omg. I am excited about this GREAT opportunity to put my ideas to work. It was to be me, my partner, and a senior technician assisting us with these changes. Then the senior technician walks by our offices and says "Hey girls, can you watch the phones while I try to configure these changes?" FIRST of all punk bitch, in the office place i have no boobs: tell me "Hey Dee, you're lower than me on the pole, watch the phones!" BUT DONT CALL ME "Girl" yuck. SECOND, the new configurations were easy, already planned out, and we were all supposed to help! We all contribute because we have different experience!

While PUNK (we'll call the senior technician that from now on, less letters, and its fitting) walked away from the programming room for a second, I took a chance to waltz in and tried to hob-nob with the sales rep "So, when's the big demo?" I ask. "Just get out of here!" I am told... and she gave me a 'shoo shoo away' motion with her hand!

WTF!!!

I let that slide. That day.

Enter the next day...

I'm eating the dreamiest hoagie of all time, after a very productive lunch hour of several small errands. My Starbucks was steaming, my sammich tumbling with Italian meaty goodness.

And I hear from a nearby room: "Whine whine bitch complain DENISEEE whine yipe AHH!!"

Hm... uhhhh Hoagie? ... oh yes hoagie.

In comes Bossman "Did you just hear that? PUNK just told sales rep that you fucked up her demo!!" whaaaa??

I have to make a hard decision here: Hoagie and Starbucks? or verbally kick someones ass.

I march my way to the programming room and say "You better get your story straight before you say I ruined sales person's demo!!"

PUNK now says "But you were the last one in here the other night..."

WHATTT are you talking about PUNK?

I keep my control, surprisingly. Professional, polite as CAN be in this scenario. But this was two years of tension about to explode inside of 2 minutes.

Sales person then starts talking again. "Yipe YIPE! Whine BITCH blahhhhrghhhh."

Hm, must chose words wisely, and finally I'M READY!! Deep breath "All I have EVER tried to do is HELP YOU. AND YOU WOULDN'T EVEN LET ME IN THE ROOM YESTERDAY! (finger point starting to occur) I AM SICK OF YOUR BEHAVIOR. IM OVER IT. THIS ABUSE NEEDS TO STOP."

"Whine AHHH Blargh bitch Yipe!"

whatever, thinks the victor "All I'm saying is I've always been here for you, but you're rediculous." Exit: Dee the victor! And upon exiting down the hallway: "Bitch!"

I had to slide in ONE premium word. :D I feel over joyed.

Enter: BACKLASH!

• She heard me (kind of meant her to)
• EVERYONE in the office is coming by my office: "So, tell me about the cat fight"
• Emails with cat pictures. Seriously.
• Meeting with the Bossman: "Um Denise, secretly HR guy and I are happy this happened. We were waiting for an opportunity for you guys to be locked in a room together and just hash out your differences."

WTF x 2!!!

Who does that?? Wanna steal my red Swingline stapler and then bitch smack me with it? Fuck.

Bottom line, Bossman said my reply couldn't have been better, because sales rep can't come at me with "You wench, you told me 'you always said you were trying to help me.' " So that's the plus. The whole "Bitch" statement I feel is COMPLETELY justified, as I'm the company cusser. That was mild sauce.

Conclusion after that shizz: 5 drinks and show-tunes sing-a-long at The Zone with my "ladies."

Nice fall Methford. (wink!)

Much Love,
D

Little Red Peacoat Drives Home

Hey all... Been a while. My life is getting funny again: so, time to start writing!
*******************************************

So Little Red Peacoat leaves her hard days work for her 45 mile journey home down 70 east bound

She's completely high from a Venti Cappucinno at 2pm and a giant Red Bull at 6pm

Blasting music, driving 80, and suddenly: Wreck #1

One mile before Lindbergh and she's in the fast lane, stuck. Other cars are getting to exit; not her.

15 minutes later, Little Red Peacoat sees an SUV and and upside-down Cavelier in a 20ft ditch along the side of 70, along with 10 squad cards and a small fire truck, a flagger and flares that were blocking 2 lanes.

As she's passing, the front half of the squad cars take off for something--FAST! She assumes the victim's are in their cars.

She starts crusing again, carefully taking the turns of the highway with caution, and WHAT THE...

The cars were heading to a second wreck: Wreck #2. This time approaching Bermuda.

No one is moving. No one. People are doing the "out of the cars" dance.

20 minutes later, the lanes need to get over... way over.

An interlude of entertainment occurs briefly: a "North City" mobile flies past Little Red Peacoat in White Lightning wagon. It's been driving on the shoulder to pass all the stopped vehicles. North City Mobile is WAY to cool for this drama. Their chrome "spinners" flash the lights of cars behind Little Red Peacoat, and then it cuts off the car in front of her, and the car next to them, and them.

Round of honks and fingers fly as Johnny Ghetto Too Cool cuts his way over. But it is a sign to come. We are all moving over.

All cars, semis, and yes, even White Lightning wagon is now challenged by local PD to "Detour" onto the shoulder. NO WAIT! The Ditch.

White Lightning wagon in a ditch? ...

We few cars, the ones that were not lucky enough to exit before, on Lindbergh or Bermuda, now drive on -- Encouraged by our brave feats.

Turns out the true accident from the Bermuda interchange was on 70 WEST bound. However a large black SUV had wanted to take a looksy, and hit the wall, blew out both drivers side tires, pulled a 180, which caused all lanes, in both directions, to now be blocked and stalled.

Little Red Peacoat's squad car count is now over 20, with 1 fire truck, and a few EMT vehicles.

Approximately 1 mile of driving later, of up one hill, down another, and RED LIGHTS!

Wtf. No really. Why. I'm tired. Leave me alone wrecks. Wreck #3. Jennings Station and Goodfellow exit.

Of course Little Red Peacoat a.k.a. 'Speed Demon' HAD to stay in the fast lane, and now for the THIRD time missed the small window to exit immediately, cutting off three lanes of traffic.

So she sits. At zero MPH. Windows down. Breaking Benjamin blasting. What's that smell? Where am I? Jennings station road? It's a Friday at 11pm? Oh that's maryjane. Thattttt'ssssss right....

Little Red Peacoat is starting to be ok with Wreck #3, as the minutes go by,... she is enjoying the air and the moonlight.

The visions around her are that of small compact cars and 5, 19-yr-old douchbags in matching-but-not-really, blue striped shirts, all with cigarettes out the lowered windows. Bad "county" rap blasts from their sad little car parties, and ruins Little Red Peacoats contact high.

This accident was a typical one and passes by in 15 minutes... just keep going 2 MPH and you'll get through.

Finally.

Finally! Little Red Peacoat is cruisin in White Lightning wagon, hoping she and her car aren't next. What is it tonight?? Why all the commotion?

She flows over to the express lane... smootly getting closer to Parkside Paradise, when she notices ANOTHER wreck, Wreck #4 by Adelaide. Luckily, she's smarter now.

Fast Lane bliss.

Home atlast. Vodka in hand. Goodnight Moon.

D