...And the Wall Crumbles

"I have to keep a wall up. Trust me. It is for your protection."
Mr. J circa 2007



Funny. I always heard that, but I didn't believe it until Jan 13th, 2008. I thought it was a pathetic excuse to cover up a fellow co-workers mood swings and justify them as "normal work stress." I also thought it was just to piss me off, which it was working!

6 days ago, I was eating din din with my beau, and I get an URGENT email: "We need to come together as a team! Think out of the box! Help me with these 3 problems and you get golden stars and rainbows!" I dropped my 15 pound Qdoba feast, and wrote a reply all immediately. So proud of myself. WHAT a TEAM player!!

Over that weekend, my team went reply-all crazy and set up an appointment on Tuesday to program the changes recently discussed.

Monday. Monday omg. I am excited about this GREAT opportunity to put my ideas to work. It was to be me, my partner, and a senior technician assisting us with these changes. Then the senior technician walks by our offices and says "Hey girls, can you watch the phones while I try to configure these changes?" FIRST of all punk bitch, in the office place i have no boobs: tell me "Hey Dee, you're lower than me on the pole, watch the phones!" BUT DONT CALL ME "Girl" yuck. SECOND, the new configurations were easy, already planned out, and we were all supposed to help! We all contribute because we have different experience!

While PUNK (we'll call the senior technician that from now on, less letters, and its fitting) walked away from the programming room for a second, I took a chance to waltz in and tried to hob-nob with the sales rep "So, when's the big demo?" I ask. "Just get out of here!" I am told... and she gave me a 'shoo shoo away' motion with her hand!

WTF!!!

I let that slide. That day.

Enter the next day...

I'm eating the dreamiest hoagie of all time, after a very productive lunch hour of several small errands. My Starbucks was steaming, my sammich tumbling with Italian meaty goodness.

And I hear from a nearby room: "Whine whine bitch complain DENISEEE whine yipe AHH!!"

Hm... uhhhh Hoagie? ... oh yes hoagie.

In comes Bossman "Did you just hear that? PUNK just told sales rep that you fucked up her demo!!" whaaaa??

I have to make a hard decision here: Hoagie and Starbucks? or verbally kick someones ass.

I march my way to the programming room and say "You better get your story straight before you say I ruined sales person's demo!!"

PUNK now says "But you were the last one in here the other night..."

WHATTT are you talking about PUNK?

I keep my control, surprisingly. Professional, polite as CAN be in this scenario. But this was two years of tension about to explode inside of 2 minutes.

Sales person then starts talking again. "Yipe YIPE! Whine BITCH blahhhhrghhhh."

Hm, must chose words wisely, and finally I'M READY!! Deep breath "All I have EVER tried to do is HELP YOU. AND YOU WOULDN'T EVEN LET ME IN THE ROOM YESTERDAY! (finger point starting to occur) I AM SICK OF YOUR BEHAVIOR. IM OVER IT. THIS ABUSE NEEDS TO STOP."

"Whine AHHH Blargh bitch Yipe!"

whatever, thinks the victor "All I'm saying is I've always been here for you, but you're rediculous." Exit: Dee the victor! And upon exiting down the hallway: "Bitch!"

I had to slide in ONE premium word. :D I feel over joyed.

Enter: BACKLASH!

• She heard me (kind of meant her to)
• EVERYONE in the office is coming by my office: "So, tell me about the cat fight"
• Emails with cat pictures. Seriously.
• Meeting with the Bossman: "Um Denise, secretly HR guy and I are happy this happened. We were waiting for an opportunity for you guys to be locked in a room together and just hash out your differences."

WTF x 2!!!

Who does that?? Wanna steal my red Swingline stapler and then bitch smack me with it? Fuck.

Bottom line, Bossman said my reply couldn't have been better, because sales rep can't come at me with "You wench, you told me 'you always said you were trying to help me.' " So that's the plus. The whole "Bitch" statement I feel is COMPLETELY justified, as I'm the company cusser. That was mild sauce.

Conclusion after that shizz: 5 drinks and show-tunes sing-a-long at The Zone with my "ladies."

Nice fall Methford. (wink!)

Much Love,
D