Hey all... Been a while. My life is getting funny again: so, time to start writing!*******************************************
So Little Red Peacoat leaves her hard days work for her 45 mile journey home down 70 east bound
She's completely high from a Venti Cappucinno at 2pm and a giant Red Bull at 6pm
Blasting music, driving 80, and suddenly: Wreck #1
One mile before Lindbergh and she's in the fast lane, stuck. Other cars are getting to exit; not her.
15 minutes later, Little Red Peacoat sees an SUV and and upside-down Cavelier in a 20ft ditch along the side of 70, along with 10 squad cards and a small fire truck, a flagger and flares that were blocking 2 lanes.
As she's passing, the front half of the squad cars take off for something--FAST! She assumes the victim's are in their cars.
She starts crusing again, carefully taking the turns of the highway with caution, and WHAT THE...
The cars were heading to a second wreck: Wreck #2. This time approaching Bermuda.
No one is moving. No one. People are doing the "out of the cars" dance.
20 minutes later, the lanes need to get over... way over.
An interlude of entertainment occurs briefly: a "North City" mobile flies past Little Red Peacoat in White Lightning wagon. It's been driving on the shoulder to pass all the stopped vehicles. North City Mobile is WAY to cool for this drama. Their chrome "spinners" flash the lights of cars behind Little Red Peacoat, and then it cuts off the car in front of her, and the car next to them, and them.
Round of honks and fingers fly as Johnny Ghetto Too Cool cuts his way over. But it is a sign to come. We are all moving over.
All cars, semis, and yes, even White Lightning wagon is now challenged by local PD to "Detour" onto the shoulder. NO WAIT! The Ditch.
White Lightning wagon in a ditch? ...
We few cars, the ones that were not lucky enough to exit before, on Lindbergh or Bermuda, now drive on -- Encouraged by our brave feats.
Turns out the true accident from the Bermuda interchange was on 70 WEST bound. However a large black SUV had wanted to take a looksy, and hit the wall, blew out both drivers side tires, pulled a 180, which caused all lanes, in both directions, to now be blocked and stalled.
Little Red Peacoat's squad car count is now over 20, with 1 fire truck, and a few EMT vehicles.
Approximately 1 mile of driving later, of up one hill, down another, and RED LIGHTS!
Wtf. No really. Why. I'm tired. Leave me alone wrecks. Wreck #3. Jennings Station and Goodfellow exit.
Of course Little Red Peacoat a.k.a. 'Speed Demon' HAD to stay in the fast lane, and now for the THIRD time missed the small window to exit immediately, cutting off three lanes of traffic.
So she sits. At zero MPH. Windows down. Breaking Benjamin blasting. What's that smell? Where am I? Jennings station road? It's a Friday at 11pm? Oh that's maryjane. Thattttt'ssssss right....
Little Red Peacoat is starting to be ok with Wreck #3, as the minutes go by,... she is enjoying the air and the moonlight.
The visions around her are that of small compact cars and 5, 19-yr-old douchbags in matching-but-not-really, blue striped shirts, all with cigarettes out the lowered windows. Bad "county" rap blasts from their sad little car parties, and ruins Little Red Peacoats contact high.
This accident was a typical one and passes by in 15 minutes... just keep going 2 MPH and you'll get through.
Finally.
Finally! Little Red Peacoat is cruisin in White Lightning wagon, hoping she and her car aren't next. What is it tonight?? Why all the commotion?
She flows over to the express lane... smootly getting closer to Parkside Paradise, when she notices ANOTHER wreck, Wreck #4 by Adelaide. Luckily, she's smarter now.
Fast Lane bliss.
Home atlast. Vodka in hand. Goodnight Moon.
D
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