STAY THE FUCK OUT OF MY CAR!

No no no that's not my car.

They didn't need to break my windows. They are super ninjas that osmosis their asses in, and are only looking for crack money. Right??


My little Silver Sonic has been burgled in the following places:

#1 In a parking lot by a large, up-scale restaurant in my neighborhood. Vehicle was in parking lot over night

#2 While packed with Shizz from my move and parked across the street from my mansion. Luckily, these assholes found out the boxes of Shizz were full of kitchen utensils of little value and old keep sakes from the Hallmarks of the world.

#3 If my usual parking spot: Assholes are hitting too close to home now!

Shit, even White Lightning wagon was burgled with time #2!! Who wants anything out of dirty Silver Sonic and old-lady-mobile White Lightning wagon?? They both look like rubbish most of the time. (Geez, their pet names sound more like best-selling vibrators. lol.)

Anywho, Whoever the hell is stealing my dirty tissues, old cds and my pocket change KEEP THE FUCK OUT OF MY CARS!!

... I need that change to feed the meters during my business day :(
Assholes :*(

I cannot understand your game:
You want crack money? There must be better targets! Plenty of luxury autos in my neighborhood. Car alarms don't REALLY matter you know, you'll be gone before the bitches wake up and climb down from their 3rd floor bedrooms. So try elsewhere. Stop bothering me!
OR Maybe I'll just leave the rubber cupholder/change jar on top my car nightly, MAYBE THEN YOU'LL STAY THE FUCK OUT OF MY CAR.

My colleague told me that in her old city, people would leave their cars EMPTY, and their doors unlocked, as if to say "Whatever assholes, I've got nothing this time... so don't come back next time." I might need to try that..

Goddamn hillbillies.

You didn't even take the $120 black patent leather and plaid ankle boots out of the back seat. (Those shoes sound cute, right? RIGHT?) You stole the $20 Wilson tennis racket I purchased in 1998. Why? And btw, I loved that tennis racket you assholes!

Either way, I'll be watching. Be careful, I now have 14 ice scrapers after I told family members I needed one at Thanksgiving, and the next day bought 3, one for each car, and an extra for inside the house, and was later presented with 9 extra on Christmas morning.

Thank you all. The weapon of choice.

It was Mrs. Smith, with the Ice-Scraper, in the Driveway. You win!!

D