I was just thinking about something I heard the other day, drove me NUTS.
(And you know, even great acquaintances can drive ya nuts, hell, I'm lame at times, aren't we all?)
A friend of mine is cheating her federal tax information to keep a state-aided, federal-backed financial benefit. Now, I HEAR her side, and KNOW ALL THE CONTEXT, but I am not cheating. Am I? Hm. I don't "have all the ____ she has in her life," but really. Why am I PAYING MY TAX MONEY, TO HER FED-AIDED PROGRAM, SO SHE CAN WORK LESS AND MAKE THE SAME. Hm.
Almost as bad as the WORST example of our fucked up tax system: SIUE, 2002, Sociology class (could not have had a better setting). There was a outspoken token brown-haired "would suck dick to get ahead in the political arena" Republican in a J.Crew sweater and an initial-embroidered LL Bean backpack. We were talking about the Food Stamp/LINK Card programs. She raised her hand and said "When I went to U of I, me and my 3 roommates were filling out our financial aid forms, and there was this box 'check if you want to see if you quailify for LINK.' So we checked the box. We all got like $400 a month for food! It was awesome. Like so much food money in one student apartment! It was awesome, because we didn't necessarily need it, but we got it."
Uh. Sure bitch. Sure you didn't need it. Doesn't sound to me like you were a "grants only paid my way" kid who bussed your ass to school. Not to undercut her, but I hated her and that whole BS monologue she spewed out.
Then, a well-spoken, 35 year old black woman raised her hand, "Hi. I have 2 children from a common-law type relationship. I work full time, and pay for baby-sitting, and am trying to get my degree to better my life and the lives of my children. Unfortunately, I get about $270 a month on my LINK card. So what's wrong here? That's for my whole family!"
Then Repub-slut retorts "It's not my problem you had children early." wtf.
Come to think of it, there was another LL Beaner in there, a 45-year-old that was on Unemployment for the EIGHTEENTH MONTH!!! I HAD to say something. "How are you on Unemployment for that long? Get a job some where. I'm bartending to pay for my bills, and I'm still pulling a 3.3 gpa. Why can't you?"
She replied, "Why shouldn't my company pay me still, and if I can get government aid too, why not. There's no way I'll find a job like I had, so I'll just go to school and then I'll look."
GOD PEOPLE!! WHO THE FUCK DO YOU THINK IS PAYING FOR YOUR ASS TO SIT AT HOME AND GO TO SCHOOL FOR 8 HOURS?? Who do you think is paying for your Schnucks brand Cream Corn and generic 2-ply so YOU can afford Jack Daniels and Virginia Slim cartons?
Fuck you all.
Sheesh I sound so conservative. I'm not completely. I am all for civil rights movements, therefore will typically vote democrat. AHHHHHHHH
You know, I've always secretly hated 'girlie girls' with their groups of 7 that all buy the same fabric handbags they made at their Aunt Sherrie's purse party, and the girls that undoubtedly will be at our 10yr reunion in 2 years with a 5 year wedding band on and pics of their second infant. I just felt like they were missing something: why not hang out with some boys, too? And not like on Saved By the Bell, where hanging out meant dating all of them in rotation. I mean like, LET YOUR TOM BOY SIDE SHINE. Not every girl was meant to be a nurse, or teacher, or seamstress part-time while she stays at home.
THEN, on the flip side, I have always LOATHED boyfriends of mine that were 'guys guys.' GOD FORBID a girl goes long 1 in 5 times to their man-outings. Women seem to be an accessory to these people, like "I will have that car, and a job, and that lawn mower, and a woman. And make fire. Ugg." I always thought these guys to be slightly douche-y normally, and like "get to know your softer sides assholes. Maybe if you weren't all together, all the time, you wouldn't feel SO compelled to take those last 3 Jagerbombs you KNOW will make work tomorrow unbearable."
With all this said, and with an aside that I'm really not THAT judgemental, I'm sitting here with no girlfriends within an easy 10 miles, and possibly only 1 or 2 within 30 miles! Now this isn't because I don't have any, it's mainly because, like many mid-twenty something groups, a few of our flock had to fly away for bigger, better jobs. But that leaves some lonely in the city. Boo.
So, enter my manfriends. I have a ton. Some, yes, I may have "made out with in the past 10 years but we will NEVER be like THAT, it was just the tequila and 6 Bacardi Coolers" or 1 or 2 may be boyfriends from so long ago that you REALLY can be friends with them. But I am also trying to broaden my friend circle. In that, I'm finding that most men don't see me as a friend. Or something. I just don't get it.
Fuck that. You know what I REALLY want? A girl OR guy friend, who can do things that ARE NOT BAR RELATED. My fucking liver needs a break people! What ever happened to just coming over and "chilling?" Remember those days? My 1 in-town, 5 mile away girl friend Amber and I went to a pool the other day, and just CHATTED AND CHATTED for 3 hours, and it was so nice! We both have red boussie's, but it was SO NICE! I had a girlfriend a few years back, and it just seemed like if we weren't "on the prowl" for a man-penis then it wasn't really fun.
Anyway, I just had to get all this out.
I'll leave this blog with my face book jargen from the last 1 hour: (and I never really use facebook, but this was for RESEARCH!)
**
Denise MuellerPondering why its so hard to be friends with the opposite sex.
Well wtf am I supposed to do NOW that you said that? lol. Apparently "some ppl can be friends and never had any benefits." Hell, we've even made out. HA
Is it too much to expect the best of everything?Really. Think about this one.
Our careers should make us more driven, more enthusiastic to excel, and excited about the week ahead.
Our families should make us feel wanted, loved, and a part of a collective unit where no one link is better than the next.
Our relationships should leave us satisfied, with loving support and sincere understanding of our needs and desires.
Our friendships should complete this circle, filling in the tiny cracks of life with meaningful conversations and actions, which therefore allow us to have a better grip on our current reality and status.
****
Having spelled out what I believe life should be like, lets discuss the bullshit we actually see and feel on a daily basis. Maybe I'll even get to talk about a plan of action to rectify the half-truths I live and see versus the "shoulds" aforementioned above.
Careers: Is it too much to ask that I am happy to return to work after a 9 day hiatus? Is it too much to ask that in my first full week off since 2006, my first vacation of ANY kind since I've been with my current company, that I'm left the fuck alone?? That's what vacation means people: vacate from the things of norm; get out of dodge; levitate from your current situation to a different place for a short amount of time, so when you come back, you can tolerate things again... at least for a bit.
I have been doing some soul searching regarding my current place in the business world, really since April 2008. And you know: I just don't see it. The first year in my industry went along so smoothly and quickly; I mistook to inability to stop and breathe for Happiness.
Now that I had a minute, I've filed away all the thoughts and feelings and complications I've encountered in the last year, and I have to say I AM OVER IT. Life is hard. Yes. But FUCK! Work should not have you taking stress tests, chest x-rays, muscle relaxers, and sleep aides. There are people that make what I do, and if it says 8-5 they are at home by 6pm with a fucking smile, a home-made charbroiled burger and a hi-life light bottle in both hands.
I had a great opportunity this week to see my laid-off partner in a new and exciting role in downtown St. Louis. I have not seen her so happy in forever, and it just makes you think: "me too?" Can I do that, too? She just FITS there. It's HER. And you know what's ironic, is that she actually liked her role in my company. I always told her "you haven't hit the 2 year mark... it's like turning 50. You realize how bored you got and realized when and where you lost focus." haha. Really.
So I'm thinking I need a little change-a-roo in this aspect of my life. I haven't hit the job search in a real way: It's a weird thing when you are excelling in your industry. But getting good grades in science did not mean I was meant to be a scientist. And receiving compliment after compliment about what a great Front-of-House POS trainer I am may not be enough for me to think I was meant for this job either. My report card says: A+, but looks bored in class.
***
Family: Another oddity in life is when families are just not THERE FOR THEIR STRUGGLING 20-SOMETHINGS. Wake the fuck up people!! I actually have a wonderful family by comparison: hard working father, intelligent brother, do-it-all mom, caring grandmothers, etc. But I have a few friends that are in this strange place where they have no one. They call for help, their parents go: "I can't, but while we're on that topic, can I borrow $200?"
This is just not normal!! You are supposed to be 75 before we're helping you shop and cutting your grass and assisting you like you once did us. So again I state, my family is not today's example, however this is just too much to ignore.
I have friends that have no one to count on. They are 26 and they have what I call "fake families." On the birth certificate, around for weddings and funerals, and that's about it. So I have to ask: "Why are these people so negligent toward their kin?"
I think this is the reason I'm so giving to certain people; so willing to go the extra mile when others think it's crazy. I want these people to have meaningful relationships in their lifetime: someone they can call family, even if its someone with a different last name and of the same age. I love them, and I just want them to know that. And like all good family members, hopefully they are there for me if I'm in a time of need.
***
Relationships: Why is it that when I enter a relationship, or should I say have experienced a relationship, do I feel guilty if I think I deserve to be told only the ultimate truth? WHY? And you know, it is not just me; It’s hard too when you know something fucked up about a friend’s relationship too. I learned the hard way a few years ago to keep my fucking mouth locked up when it came to friends’ indiscretions. And I’m sure my friends have learned a few things about me in the past that would seem a little askew.
Tis the season for us all to grow the fuck up, time for us all to start telling the truth in relationships. PEOPLE SHOULD KNOW the person they just said ‘I love you’ to. PEOPLE SHOULD KNOW all your faces in the beginning: Do NOT act one-way then show a different side.
I want normal. I want someone what can just ‘be’: maybe not be perfect- but can just be themselves. If we still like each other at the end of the day then wonderful… at least we’d know.
***
Friendships: Friendships in general are a whole different game. A whole new animal. People that you have known for years should SEEMINGLY be the "best urban family members," the best shoulder to drunkenly cry on, and the one you can count on to show up if there are plans to do so.
Recently I've been wondering who true friends are. Also wondering if past decisions to change my friend circle are warranted. After this week, I've made a few discoveries:
#1 Yes: past gut deciding choices were correct. When faced with someone I used to be close with for a couple years, I was like "hm, shall we try this again?" "Have we all grown up a bit?"
Fuck no.
#2 We are all assholes at some point. I called out a near and dear bff this week: "HEY!! What's with being home two week-ends and I see you for 5 minutes??" She retaliated with "No offense Dee, there was a time when you wouldn't give me the time of day when I came home. You're the last person that should be talking."
Ouch. We discussed things via phone while we were both a little buzzed. All is well now. Alcohol is the band-aid for friendships. At least for me and my girl soul mate. LOL.
It takes strength to hold together good friendships just like it does to hold together a good relationship. We fuck up. We forgive. We try to forget. If you can't do it, move on. If you can, well then, my friend, you may have friends for life.
"If you are a born leader, clever and pretty, it is just possible that you can be an Alpha female, like someone else you know personally who leads well and aspires to beat the proverbial glass ceiling."
-WikiHow; Wikipedia "How To"
So... I've been called an Alpha my whole life. Not that I'm clever, pretty, or a born leader... But it has been stated.
Great! I guess I should have a chip on my shoulder, I should get ahead at work, and I should have an easy time with friendships with women and relationships with a significant other.
HA! HA FUCKING HA!
I swear my "personality-type" is CURSED.
From Men:
We are quite feared. I honestly believe that. Yes, we are hard-headed. Yes we are always right. (So we think) BUT look at the past history: Have we been right? Are we logical in our thinking? Have we had well-rounded lives thus far that allow for a little extra opinion? Most men cannot handle an alpha female: if they could they would just go for another man. I kid I kid. But really, that's why cliches are in fact cliches: men want a more demure, softer, quieter, women, therefore someone that doesn't challenge them.
From women:
The look.... OHHHH the look! "Who that does that bitch think SHE is??"
...."Your future boss, Bitch."
No but really, Alpha v. Non-Alpha is like anything else in the life of a woman: We always want what we DON'T or CAN'T have. Curly hair v. Straight hair. A smart guy v. a funny guy. A speedy convertible or a ballin SUV for ladies night....
Or in this case: Are the introverted girls HATING Alphas because they wish they could speak up in public?? Is that all? Alpha women do NOT, I repeat do NOT "TRY," it is in fact something we normally cannot help: we just dooooooooo.
(...Hey non-Alphas, come here a minute... closer: Sometimes Alphas wish we could be quiet too, and not say what's on our minds, and have boxes carried for us just because we're in heels, etc... but we immediately metaphorically smack ourselves and wake up, because if that were the case, we couldn't sleep at night knowing we had held something in.)
...I digress. Please, you must understand, Non-Alphas: The stronger-minded women of the world find it as hard to understand YOU as YOU find it hard to understand us, and our actions. I have had girlfriends that REALLLLLLY wanted to do something, to say something, to verbally kick someones ass when they were emotionally abused, and they FROZE. I am in awe: HOW are you not saying anything. SAY SOMETHING. JUST SAY IT!!!!
Yet nothing.
Then I realize this is a psychological prison for some people. Being open-minded and STRONG-minded is a blessing that all extroverted people should appreciate every single day of their lives. Yes we sometimes make an ass out of ourselves, (Whooooa I've been there) but at the end of the day, I am happy I speak my mind. I ultimately have no regrets, and can honestly say I hide nothing: I show my true colors at all times.
Now there are downfalls here: Maybe a potential new mate, or potential new best friend, or potential new employer does NOT in fact, like outspoken females. Well, to each their own. I'm moving on to find someone that DOES appreciate me.... and yes, you will find it.
I'm finding myself currently surrounded by friends and a significant other that truly appreciates me for ME. Do you know how good that feels?? I have known women that we dating someone, and they hadn't been themselves the WHOLE TIME. They were playing a part--simply because they knew what the guy liked. This disgusts me so much: it's unfair to both parties, and ultimately no one will win in this scenario.
I will leave everyone with this: If you ever feel that you live vicariously through someone who exemplifies one personality trait YOU want: Try it. Little by little. See if it works for you. See what kind of response this new attitude gets you. See if you even feel comfortable being that "person." If so, GREAT! You may see new things come to the horizon for you. If not, at least you know your limits.
BUT DON'T COMPLAIN WHEN ALPHAS GET SOMETHING THEY SPOKE UP FOR. THEY ARE TAKING A RISK EVERY TIME THEY OPEN THEIR MOUTHS FOR THE FIFTH TIME IN THAT MORNING MEETING.
IF YOU WANT THAT SAME AUTHOIRTY, MAKE IT HAPPEN BITCHES! Stand up for yourselves for once, for fucks sake... and feel the grand glory of being an alpha female.
Ever hear something from a colleague, family member, or friend and think, "WHAT?? How did that even come out of your mouth??"
...Then you realize: 'Oh... That's THEIR perspective.'
But when the Colleague-Family-Friend person SAID the statement, they seemed SO sure of their statement; IT is the ultimate truth, and your view is wrong.
But wait, waitttttt, who decides which point of view is correct? Are any views or opinions correct? Even those seemingly INSANE people: Can we judge their statements or actions? Have you been through what they have in the last 24 hours cycle of hell? Probably not.
What about the drama queens (yours truly)?? What if their drama stems from experience that has come round and round again, and they are simply speaking from frustration of ALWAYS being the ones that have "been there, done that?"
Then there is normal: "Normal" things in life, the "Normal people" that just say, what I TEND TO THINK, are the dumbest, one-sided things: #1 "The roads are fine." Says an office manager, on why the Salaried Employees who have laptops and can work from home can't have a "Snow Day." WHOS ROADS ARE FINE?? Ever lived border-lined Bourgeois-Ghetto? One block mansions, one block ghetto? They are called red-lined zones: And no services go there: Taxis, PD, and STL City Employed Snowplow Drivers. Bumfucks. WHY NOT?? All the 'County' Roads, where everyone ELSE in my company lives, are wonderfully cleared/covered with magic salt by their boring White-Male Snowplow drivers, who get paid via high-property tax dollars. Not me :( It's ok, I'm not bitter
>:(
#2 "Everyone in St. Louis in the fine dining industry has worked there." I'm sorry, the word-vomit came up: "What? What do you mean? Who is everybody?" uhhhhhhh..... No really, when people say these things, you kind of have to teach them a lesson from using words like "Every" "Never" "Always".... Bad. Confusing. Excessive, much? "Maybe everyone knows each other in the small circle from your friends-of-past that worked at the OTHER place the owners opened, therefore having possibly 100 people in a network of friends-friends you may have gotten drunk with on a case of '2 Buck Chuck' at someone's house party. Yuck.
Please people. Stop saying things like this. You normaltons have no excuse like "insane" or "drama queen." And you know what? Please, throw this back in my face if I do it in front of you!! I don't want to be example #3....
There's the real Elle. The character Elle from the movie Legally Blonde played by Reese Witherspoon. The character that was written by intelligent yet amusing professionals.
Below is the story of a different Elle, from Legally Blonde, the Musical >:( So Many Things Completely Wrong...
... completely wrong.
I sat there, during the second act, wondering if the play-writes for the Legally Blonde Broadway Play were lighting the bong for the first half of the the writing process, and then smoking out of it for the second half.
What, the fuck.
Really. It was such a good first half!! With the exception of the cheerleader friend ruining the bend and snap song. She was like "Why do you think guys always stick with the cheerleaders?" "I don't know friend, why? Because ya'll run around jumping up and down showing your panties?" "Haha..." says the cheerleader. "Exactly! And because we demand attention!!"
WOW! Glad the girl scouts in the next section heard that shit!! Then she continued to bend over like 16 year old groupies at a hip-hop concert. Fuck. Call me old, call me old-fashion, but WE ALL KNOW I've done my fair share of 'fun' and even I'm calling a 'WTF' for this show.
I need to add in the small part of PLAGIARISM that Amanda so kindly pointed out (most likely to dear Creagan's obsession with the Little Mermaid soundtrack). Their song "Please let me be.... Le-gal-ly.... Blonnnnnnnde!" Sounded a bit too much like "Parttttt of your: worrrrrrrllllddddd!" Listen for yourself at the 1:15 minute mark. Holy hell.
There was also the fact that some characters were completely out of whack with the original movie, which was so sad, because it was the CASTING and CLEVER WRITING that kept Legally Blonde, the movie, so socially acceptable, uplifting, and relatable to girls everywhere, or all ages.
#1 The lady professor: SUCH A KEY ROLE, totally removed. How? She's the 'wench' professor from the beginning of the movie, that brought Elle back from life after Callahan hit on her. She told Elle, "If you going to ruin your life because of one stupid man, you're not the girl I thought you were" and then did her eyebrow/facial expression magic that made Elle stay at Harvard and finish her Harvard Law education! And at the end of the movie, during graduation, this woman gave her SUCH a cute send off!!
#2 They made Emmit's role much stronger, to the point that it seemed he and Elle were flirting and dating throughout the play. Not the point or AT ALL what happened! Completely wrong! It looked like 'Callahan's assisitant', Emmit, got Elle her internship. Bah. Negative Ghostwriter. And an interlude: The scene where Elle tell's Emmit he needs to change his wardrobe, WHERE DID THAT COME FROM? Not in the movie, totally out of character. And to top it all off, they compare Emmit to Warner, her 'douche bag wrapped in a douche box' ex boyfriend. As if all guys need to look like Ken Dolls. Ugggggg.
#3 They played DOWN the comradery of Elle and Vivian, Warner's NEW girlfriend, in the second act!! What about the scene where they bond over the Coursework and how Warner WAS WAITLISTED to get into Harvard and Elle was NOT?? Pivotal Scene!! Again: Removed! Why?? To save time for a shiteous second act full of time filling songs and dance numbers?
Aside from crutial character flaws, there were also HUGE issues with Political Correctness. wow. WOWY! Two fag-hags (of course that's PC, duh) were slapping their knees this shit was so wrong. They made gay men out to be gallivanting size 26 waist ballerina sailors, and made the 'token lesbian' law intern only out to check out both Elle's AND Mrs. Windom's ass and tits the whole time!! Where the hell did that come from?! Enid Wexler's part in the movie was cruel at first yes, as were all Harvard students, but warmed up to a true and undiniable appreciation for Elle, and her brain, not her rack or vag.
At the end of the song below, which I assure you is a MUSTn't see (I still can't decide if it was really wrong or just midwest wrong), they changed all the lights in the theatre to reflect that of a gay pride flag, as if EVERYTHING in a gay man's life is WHITE POINTY TOED SHOES and SAILOR SHIRTS and TANNING and GAY PRIDE FLAGS.
Listen to this shit below, Then YouTube "Gay or European and watch all the cartoons put to this song, its a fucking RIOT!
FUCK PEOPLE!! Why do you think there are so many damn Homo-phobes around. I can rattle of a dozen names of close colleagues that are like "No, man, I'm not a homophobe, I have a couple gay aquaintences. As my wife says, as long as they don't come after me!! Huh huh!" Really, this is what White-Bread American men think: Watch out straightmen!! They're all after your dicks!"
Now I'm not sure if it was before the worst gay-themed song ever written, or after, but... Last I leave you with this thought:
A strapping young man, in a tight UPS outfit, joining an already unorganized group of in-costume actors on stage, with no sets, no special lighting... He holds up a large white box, so big as to hold a dozen fully bloomed, long-stemmed roses, and instead of giving this box to his love interest, Paulette, he holds it to his crotch, as if to make a giant white folic symbol with a fucking bow on it!!! And the actor holds it there... and yells "I've got another package!" ....5 or 10 seconds too long!!
Then in comes this Celtic Irish jig music from act one, the same music that Paulette said calmed her down for a reason unknown (I couldn't understand half her words, thank god I had seen the movie or I'd be lost) and AND THE WHOLE DAMN COMPANY STARTS DOING A JIG. Why?? WHERE DID THAT COME FROM? Amanda and I were like: "Really? Really?"
Then a chorus line emerges, leg kicks and all, and again we are bewildered. All the characters were dressed and ready for their next parts... so was simply a badly written time filler? And if so, why did they RUSH all of the the first half's music?
...Turns out there was no point at all to the 5 minute chorus line skit. They wanted a round of applause. The 15 eldery couples with season passes and no binoculars laughed and applauded, because they didn't understand how bad it was and how out of context the whole 2nd half was becoming.
Yuck booey. I really wanted this to be amazing. Dinner was great. Thanks Amanda for going out and being a witness to this story. LOLs.
Well Woods (comma) Elle, it was a nice try, great first act, but we even knew you were hurting trying to NOT LAUGH at what the producers and writers made you sing come Act 2....
They didn't need to break my windows. They are super ninjas that osmosis their asses in, and are only looking for crack money. Right??
My little Silver Sonic has been burgled in the following places:
#1 In a parking lot by a large, up-scale restaurant in my neighborhood. Vehicle was in parking lot over night
#2 While packed with Shizz from my move and parked across the street from my mansion. Luckily, these assholes found out the boxes of Shizz were full of kitchen utensils of little value and old keep sakes from the Hallmarks of the world.
#3 If my usual parking spot: Assholes are hitting too close to home now!
Shit, even White Lightning wagon was burgled with time #2!! Who wants anything out of dirty Silver Sonic and old-lady-mobile White Lightning wagon?? They both look like rubbish most of the time. (Geez, their pet names sound more like best-selling vibrators. lol.)
Anywho, Whoever the hell is stealing my dirty tissues, old cds and my pocket change KEEP THE FUCK OUT OF MY CARS!!
... I need that change to feed the meters during my business day :( Assholes :*(
I cannot understand your game: You want crack money? There must be better targets! Plenty of luxury autos in my neighborhood. Car alarms don't REALLY matter you know, you'll be gone before the bitches wake up and climb down from their 3rd floor bedrooms. So try elsewhere. Stop bothering me! OR Maybe I'll just leave the rubber cupholder/change jar on top my car nightly, MAYBE THEN YOU'LL STAY THE FUCK OUT OF MY CAR.
My colleague told me that in her old city, people would leave their cars EMPTY, and their doors unlocked, as if to say "Whatever assholes, I've got nothing this time... so don't come back next time." I might need to try that..
Goddamn hillbillies.
You didn't even take the $120 black patent leather and plaid ankle boots out of the back seat. (Those shoes sound cute, right? RIGHT?) You stole the $20 Wilson tennis racket I purchased in 1998. Why? And btw, I loved that tennis racket you assholes!
Either way, I'll be watching. Be careful, I now have 14 ice scrapers after I told family members I needed one at Thanksgiving, and the next day bought 3, one for each car, and an extra for inside the house, and was later presented with 9 extra on Christmas morning.
Thank you all. The weapon of choice.
It was Mrs. Smith, with the Ice-Scraper, in the Driveway. You win!!
"WAKE THE FUCK UP" "WTF ARE YOU DOING DEE" "WE ARE OUT DOWNTOWN? WHERE ARE YOU?" "STOP DOING YOUR BOYFRIEND AND CALL ME" "HELLLLLO!!" "OK WE'RE COMING OVER TO ROLL YOU OFF THAT FUCKING BED."
Sometimes that last one works. But really. These are the texts I'll see the NEXT day, and I'm truly flabbergasted as to how I slept through that?
Ask anyone: I can hear my phone's 'text-noise' from across a mall. So how is it on 'these weekends' can I not hear anything?
People never want to believe me, til they've witnessed the 'Dee sleep' themselves. Now all my close friends just know, I probably passed out.
See, for most, the weekend is a time to go all-out, fucking riot style party! WHOO!!
For me, my job is so stressful, it's DeeTime. Get away from me time. I'm taking hot baths, making new hot tea or coffee every 3 hours, seeing my puppies, having a bottle Cambria Pinot and watching lame movies all night time. And, on occasion, NOT sleeping all week, and having some party weekends, will catch up to me. (or having such a redic Thursday night party, it's just warranted: see yesterday's post: "Why drink shots before the cocktails?")
... And Thus: The all sleep weekend.
A few things contribute here: #1 I like partying when no one else does: Tuesday, I'm all over it #2 Early morning meetings? Helps me wake up sooner if I was up late the night before. My fear of over sleeping gets me up at 5:30 #3 I sleep like shit every night of the week ..most important... #4 I GET OFF WORK AT 5PM AT THE EARLIEST, AND IN NO WAY CAN I GET HOME AT 6PM AFTER DOWNTOWN TRAFFIC, EAT DINNER BY 8PM AND BE ASLEEP AT TEN. My body just doesn't do that!! I need like a 7 hour down-time. Therefore, I watch movies til 12:30, and therefore wake up ALWAYS running behind, and am stressed all day, etc...
Suck!
"So Dee, just go to bed sooner, wake up earlier, problem solved!"
"NO!" I say to this person, and everyone else that gives me that line of shit. Maybe if I got off work at 3:30pm, that MAY work, but I don't. I NEED ALOT OF DOWNTIME. Regardless.
So basically I'm fucked.
I guess once a month, my friends, my boyfriends, and my family will just have to understand I'm out of commission. I mean everyone's different. Every needs to tend to their body's cycle of needs.
LASTLY: SLEEP IS RELATIVE. YOU ARE NOT LAZY IF YOU GET UP AT 1PM. MAYBE YOUR WORK SCHEDULE OR SOCIAL SCHEDULE CONSTITUTES GOING TO BED LATE AND GETTING UP LATE!
So why the fuck do people always consider getting up at noon crazy? What, because the 'early bird catches the worm?"
Sure if your worm closes at 10am and you need to catch it early. What if the worm I had to catch was a 1pm meeting that included Bloody Mary's and Hoagies. Hm?
To each their own muthah f-ahs. To each their own....
:)
In the meantime, I'm fully rested. Just wishing I hadn't pissed off a dear friend. Love you K.
What started this binge drinking phenomenon? Was it party people that didn't want to remember walking IN to the bar, let alone walking out of the bar... ... Or was it people that knew that was correct way to numb their memories instantly; to immediately feel something different, and to forget what was plaguing them just moments before.
I'm going with the later idea, and I'm going to pretend I'm not the only one.
This terrible looking shot glass holds the devil's syrup in the middle, and my personal favorite, sugar free red-bull along the outside. Tilt the ole head back, and it's a new beginning where old feelings are flushed away by the Absolut Citron that was on special that night for $3 a shot. WHY put something that yummy on special AND have good signage to advertise? Ahhhh I was doomed when I walked in the venue.
"Creagan! Amanda! Get your asses here!" I type via text message... "I have your first shot waiting on the bar."
"5 Minutes" Creagan replies.
No!!! 5 more minutes til I can sling this back?? I'll just finish this Grey Goose short glass first. 3 minutes later: "Sure I'll have another" I say to the bartender. They arrive to see my second drink almost gone, "Hey guys!! Hey guys!! Here are the shots!!"
I'M even noticing myself, how desperate I sounded to drink these fucking shots. What the hell was going through my head??
The others grab their shots, and without even a toast, we down them. Now originally my classy colleagues had purchased Bud Select 2x4's... but after tasting the delight that is Vodka, they switched to the devil's juice as well.
mmmm. 3 Grey Goose shorts and one "Citron Bomb" later, I'm feeling no worries--nothing--can get to me. Trivia is about to start. OMG it's only 8:30 and I'm fucked. How wrong is that. How wrong is it also that I have to work in the morning. How wrong is it also that my boss, his wife, and some couple friends of theirs are now in the same bar. Wow. I'm going to be seen in such a state? Oh... ah well, did I mention that Vodka makes Dee not give a shizz?
15 minutes later, I was so delighted to see my boss' wifey out and about, I end up chatting with her about my life's direction and being 26 and at a few crossroads WOW! (and I'm now on her lap... How the fuck did that happen I don't know, but it was ok at the time.)
I end up running my mouth to her for like 15 minutes and she was like "Hey, get a grip. Your a great woman. Do what you want, you deserve it. Now stop talking."
LOLs
So we play a bit of Trivia, and of course my ass is yelling the answers out loud (for those of you that know me, I suck at trivia and was damn delighted I knew ANYthing... I'll use that excuse for giving away some answers)
In the end of this 5-hour "happy hour," I am forced to have someone else drive my vehicle to Amanda's, where we all stayed the night and drug our sad asses to work the next day. Yay us!
... Yay for me, though I couldn't exactly call off sick anyway, now could I. My boss was there watching me getting shitty.
Anyway, the point to this blog: The reason. THE REASON I felt the need to get plastered on a Thursday. I wasn't totally in a rotten mood. It was a somewhat dreadful day though: I had been at my doctor's office all day due to some pangs in my center chest. It was scary, and I had to have 6 xrays, and blood work done. She prescribed me the heaviest doses of 2 rather frightening pills, both I had to take for 2 weeks, and both you can't drive or hardly function, let alone drink with. (you could if you were a masochist and wanted to get even more trashed than I...) So I wasn't in a particularly great mood. I had also popped an Excedrine when I got home, which has a bit of caffeine and was meant to dilute my headache from the day... it actually have me a mind and body high and made me EXTREMELY AMPED (yes like that) while I was driving to this happy hour. WOWZA I'M EXCITED. THIS MUSIC IS GREAT. THIS HIGHWAY IS GREAT. OMG MY HEART IS GOING REALLY FAST. WOW I FEEL LIKE KAYNE BLOGGING.
Really, that's how the night started. So, No matter what, I know what I need to do: Get back down to being mellow Dee. From Jan 08 til Dec 08 I was pretty much "2 glasses of wine or 2 martinis" girl, for an entire evening and night. And only like 2 nights a week. Now it's like my body is ready to start "experiencing" alcohol again, and I need to remember that these "Alcohol Wave Tendencies" I call them, are a terrible experience for me, personally, and I'm sure for others. The "waves" are: I'm an alchy for 6 months, then sit-at-home or 6 months. I'm definitely someone that's 'Ride or Die'... 'To the fullest'...'I'm in or I'm out'... kind of person.
My goal for 2009: To moderate ALL aspects of my life. If I go out one night, the next night I'm in AND at the gym. If I eat pasta with olive oil and marinated chicken pieces with cheese all over that shit, the next night its lean protein and grilled asparagus. If I had a realllly caffeinated morning, then I get low-caffeine tea in the evening and get to sleep early that night, so hopefully the next morning I do not need as much crack-feine.
...If all of these ideals actually stuck, I'd want a gold star from everyone that knows me. But we all know it will be like a green star. Green: Good try, semi-honorable mention, btw you spent too much GD money on lattes this year and expensive "good" tea :(
No man, for any considerable period, can wear one face to himself and another to the multitude, without finally getting bewildered as to which may be true. -Nathaniel Hawthorne
Why do we hide??
Simple question, no?
I have a few examples of self-deception within my sphere lately , and its starting to drive me gaga.
Example #1: women (and men) who do not realize their ability to CHOOSE. Are you happy or not? How many days a week are you happy in your current situation? (i.e. career, relationship, sex life, friendship) If your answer is not more than half, MAKE A PROGRESSIVE CHANGE. WAKE UP! Tis the century to do what the fuck you want! I made a VERY hard decision a few years back, that created a "The night is darkest before dawn" scenario, but I do HONESTLY think both parties involved are better off today because of that change!
Ex 1.5: There are times when people DO rectify example #1, and then hide in other parts of their lives. How is that? If you are balls to the wall in an area of your life, TRY, just TRY to apply those same principles to the other parts of your lives. THEY ALL REQUIRE THE SAME PRINCIPLES, REALLY.
Example #2: smart people doing dumb things. I just don't get our generation, (yes I'm bashing the 20-somethings-so myself included), we have EVERYTHING at our fingertips: Google, Instant Directions, Instant Messaging, Interfaced everything. So why the hell are we waiting? WHAT are we waiting FOR? And why the fuck do we do dumb things? We are at an advantage! Our generation has tools that should be making work easier and playtime more frequent. WORK SMARTER NOT HARDER. Or shall we say, follow your hearts, listen up, get out, and find the job you were meant for! It WILL not fall in your lap.
It seems as though our generation is made up of 30-yr-old retired millionaires that woke up with an idea that worked, or people living at home for NO apparent reason, just because. (Because mom still likes to fold your underwear and press your shirts.) BE ADULTS! Shit, our parents were owning property and starting their second chapter by now!
(..now wait. WAIT! Don't think I don't appreciate the more, lets say, European mentality of staying local, even at home, til you're almost 30, prepping for adulthood very thoroughly. But those lucky individuals are staying at home til they are done with their second degrees and have now paid half down on a home they just purchased.)
Luckily, I have some wonderful acquaintances that are happy mediums: strong work ethic is KEY.
Unfortunately, the people of topic here in Ex #2, have ALL THE POTENTIAL IN THE WORLD, and do not know how to use it. Something has silenced their thunder. Do me a favor people: Write down your strongest personality traits, and most advanced skills. If you do NOT get to, or choose to, use those EVERYDAY, move along. Move right on down the track...
#3 people that fuck with me. Yes, I said that. People that deceived me by "showing me" their second face, their second personality, the GUEST STAR!
I don't like guest stars. >:(
If you really are lazy SHOW ME. If you really need help in a serious part of your life ASK ME. No one can read minds. You will be farther in life if you just say what you're thinking....
...say what you're thinking without intent of harm. (need to clarify)
Above all: Be yourself, at all times. Then you will know who you can really trust, who REALLY loves you, what job you were REALLY meant for. The universe can have a small hand in your road in life, but it is your responsibility to take the hand when its out!!
This blog represents my attempt be a little more sober and a little more at peace with my life. I have a goal to not drink for 2 weeks... and I'm a bartender. A bartender with bartender friends. A bartender that's been in the industry for close to a decade. I'm not going to stop drinking completely after the two weeks, but I need to slow my roll and detox. Here goes. I'll write every day, maybe twice a day, and let others know how things are going. Have a similar experience? Email HalfWayToAA@gmail.com and I'll post it.
I was just thinking about something I heard the other day, drove me NUTS.
