Man I'm old

This week has been a rough wake up call...










So I'm super psyched about a lot of things new in my life: New job, new boy friend, new chance to play softball with some good friends...

Things are looking up.

But fuck! How did I used to do this stuff!!? Haha, it's bad! Like I used to be a bartender on 10 hour shifts, 5 days a week, and used to play a sport for 3 hours no problem.

I'll tell you what; after 3 insane shifts at the bar, and a double header Softball afternoon, I'm totally out of order today. Like burnt to a crisp from waking up before noon and being in the sun all day on Sunday, and quads and hamstrings and triceps sore from doing random bar necessities I have not performed in 3 years.

It will all pass of course. Just the first week or two will be a bit rough. I feel 96, not 26. I feel like an albino that hung out around the equator a day too long...

On the bright (punnnnn) side, after softball (and Ezra's soccer game) we went to our friend Phil's rooftop oasis, and grilled some chicken, and drank till the sun went down. I was a wonderful experience after a long weekend. New aquaintences seeing each other at our best (drunk) and PEOPLE WATCHING EXTRAVAGANZA!! Holy hell. So fun. By 9:30 that rooftop felt more like a family reunion.

Anywho, good times. Things are going really well. I just have to ask one thing...

...Anyone have some fucking aloe?

Dizzle

These… Are the Drams of our lives.

Really people. What happened to civil behavior? What happened to things you see in Pride and Prejudice where not responding with “please” and “thank you” got your balls detached?

Tonight was the RSVP VIP party Amanda planned, to continue on with the Creagan birthday extravaganza. Great job, too. Twelve invites, eleven RSVP’s for the 9pm event. She even changed the time to assist the people traveling from out of town. It was to take place at a brilliant vodka bar we all know and love, with a great sushi spread for dinner.

The main group was of course about 5 minutes late, as we should have been, because it was Creagan’s birthday and he needed to arrive stylishly late. “Well, hmm, we're the first to arrive, that’s cool.”

Our server was really nice, and we decide to just get an appetizer and some waters while we wait for the other 6 guests.

And wait. Waiting. Wtf. Waiting for our guests.

By 9:30 we are like “Time for that bottle of vodka we decided on.”

THREE of our requests are returned with a “Um, yeah, we don’t seem to have a whole extra bottle of that to give to you.”

So, here comes the owner, like 45 minutes after our DT’s started and the plethora of sushi was almost gone. “Here” he says, “Dan Akroyd’s new ‘Crystal Skull’ vodka. Half price for your troubles.”

Good boy Derek. Fucking awesome. “But hey, Creagan, that 750ml is going to last like 5 minutes.”

And it does. Goodbye $175.

By 10:30 everyone finally arrives, and I was straight up with them: "Uh, ya’ll. Why do you have a half drank martini from upstairs? Why did you get here, drop your coat, and go upstairs to some other small party? Why did you treat this RSVP private fucking room party like we texted you 20 minutes before the event with no other prior notice?"

RSVP means GET THERE ON FUCKING TIME. SIT WITH THE MAN OF THE EVENING. DON’T HAVE OTHER PLANS THAT COINCIDE WITH ONES YOU RSVP-ed TO. Wow. I along with others was pretty flabbergasted. But we made the most of it. And thank you to Jamal, for the extra bottle hook up! Love that Goose!

We leave there hundreds of dollars poorer, little bit more buzzed, and revved for a night in the ManGrove (Manchester Grove area… I love how this pseudo gay strip is playfully named mangrove, like it’s a men’s playground. Lol)

We do Just John’s, we do Rehab, then we do Novak’s, where party people go to have that extra shot that makes them vomit the whole next day. Actually it’s like the best fucking bar in the city for dancing and fun times. The prior scenario is just the story of MY life every time I go there :(

So the joyful ending to this story was when one of my seemingly brilliant colleagues invites “trouble” out after we’d all been drinking. And of course this colleague decides to do what I term “Start Shit in front of ‘Trouble’.” Why I have no idea.

As my boy toy arrives from a hard nights work, I am mid “BLAH BLAH BLAH DRAMAAA” because some fucking “straight” tool bag just told me I wasn’t his type, which I wouldn't normally care about, but at that point I was stomping around like a little 10 year old that didn’t get the NEW Bratz doll. Then, to add to the fun, “Trouble” decides to ask me “Why Dee!!?? Why does your colleague insist on ruining my night/life?”

So to the side walk I go. I’m over this shit. I’m sorry man friend for ruining your night. Thank you for coming, but I have to go handle some shit. Welcome to the show. Have a seat.

Ahhhhhhhh… To the "Trouble": “I don’t know and please get out of my face.” To the colleague that felt the need to invite them “COLLEAGUE GET YOUR DAMN ASS OVER HERE AND HANDLE THIS.” To the man friend I had just invited “Man friend please come back” :(

Three fucking ring circus if I ever saw it.

Sorry C, Happy Birthday. Hey, ended as I thought: Drunk Drunk Drunk.

To another year! 26!

Random Thoughts

So, this weekend:

A 21-year-old moment

A 26-yr-old moment

A humbling, please let someone do this for me when I'm old moment.
***
So my weekend was seeeeeming going to be normal: Long work week, probably going to drink a bottle of wine one night, had plans with Creagan Friday after he got off work @9pm... all in all typical.

21: Oops I'm Drunk, Oops is that the sun?
Well Friday was halted when my Grandma Flo was still in the hospital, and I was called to be the visitor from like 7-10pm. So I go, I visit, I get home, and I'm antsy. Fucking cabin fever. And Creagan never called, so I'm totally bumming. Cabin fever plus no text from Creagan make neecie go crazy.

So, HARK! 11:35pm: "Hey Dee, what's up. It's not really late, wanna go out?"

Not late. You live 30 minutes away and we are going out a block from my house. What ev!!

So me and Creagan do gay circut Friday. First to a bar that was a recent client, so that's always fun seeing your hard work pay off, not to mention they have the most fun staff ever. So we close down that joint. Thanks for the free round, Ez and Robin!

Next: Uber gay dance disco night apparently. Yay! Party with the girls and the girls. Novak's was a fucking blast, and I only has 7 drinks and 6 jello shots before they closed 1 hour later. That's right. OMG. And OMG where did my money go. Plastic bad.

So, had as many Vodka RedBull's as me? YUP! On to the Oz!

"What do you mean I'm not free! I'm industry bitch! I don't need a paycheck stub!! It doesn't fit in this wallet purse!!
(Actually I've been using the Hooters Corporate Trainer tag for like 4 years too long... but DAMMIT IT WORKS!! Got to find that thing...)

SO, we close down the OZ! It's now 5:45 and luckily not bright outside to remind us that we are supposed to be passed out somewhere. So what else do we do?

On to a diner. Yup, on S. 4th where a client of mine had a gay disco with a diner next door, under the same parent company. Seemed brilliant, but it is no longer open and is now a recycled version of a terrible south county bar. So we find this dive diner next door and order cardiac arrests on a plate.

Fuck. Good times though. But then the sun is totally up, and Creagan had plans at noon, and I had a not so happy manfriend :( It was needed though.

26: Retail Therapy, "I have enough money, I'm not broke"
So Nick and I play nice the next morning (2:30pm) and he, Creagan and I eat "breakfast": bagels, Excedrine, and coffee. Nick's been up since 8am and had the world done and C and I were pulling our heads off the smelly pillows with only 4 hours of daylight left. Felt gooooooood.

So off to West County Mall we go. I had a coupon. Yes, I was to get $50 off of $150. I walk in, see the best season Express has had in like 5 years, and accidentally drop lke $450 :( It's all hot stuff, including the best jeans on my boo-tay I think I've ever seen. But I was going there to buy a dress for my friend Josh's bachelor party Saturday (yeah, that's right, on a gay party bus I'm a bachelor) and I didn't even buy one!! That means I spent that money for no reason. Ah well, I felt better, and Nick and I had a nice afternoon. I then proceeded to buy a new pair of shocks I'd marry if you could marry Nikes, and I had tobe done after that.

So to finish of that blissful day, Nick and I go visit C at his new job at Gulf Shores in Creve Couer. Much more his speed; yet another non-corporate he will soon own. My favorite thing? Besides the yum-delicious crab cake? Creagan's "Oops I forgot my black work shoes, all I have are these burnt orange vintage cowboy boots from the gay-disco night to wear with my black work uniform" work shoes that night. HIGH-larious. :)

Nurse Dee: To help an elder is humbling as hell
Saturday night was my first time to go take care of my Grandma Flo myself, overnight, for over 12 hours. My mom, dad, and step-dad did as much as cancelled a vacation, took a week of sick leave, and went to work the next morning with little to no sleep and came back that evening to do it all again. It was now my time to try to prove how mature and caring I could be. I wanted/needed to give all my other family members a break.

So I went in at 9:30pm, and soon discover that it was on MY shift, that she was FOR SURE getting moved to a new floor. A less hospitally floor. The speech rehab floor. YAY!! But quite honestly, I was scared shitless. I was her primary caretaker. I had to speak for her. I had to be at her beside until my mommy came the next afternoon to relieve me :( Eek.

BUT, really, it was a bonding moment. This whole process has been: both with Grandma Flo and my family. You realize what your family unit stands for. You see your dad and your step-dad able to work together. You then hope that you can create a family like that one day that will be there for you, too, one day.

I left there feeling like I played Karma for the better good for myself, and my grandmother. It's an odd feeling taking care of someone that used to take care of you. It's odd to be needed without having your own child, only two chihuahuas....

Either way, a very atypical weekend. Interesting. Learned alot about myself and my own strengths and weaknesses. Deep breathe.

D

What's left?

There's me!

or should I say: There's me?










Yes is it. Me surrounded by the question of What am I going to do NOW?

My first instinct is to pop a bottle of $10 Cab blend, a Schnuck's Special, and consume it all while watching the Hugh Grant collection of mediocre DVDs i for whatever reason had to own over the years.

Or I could have an interesting night with a muscle relaxer or two, and go out with a girl friend or two and people-watch in strange STL bars. I'd be smiling for no reason, and possibly putting off the Wonk eye because those little yellow devil pills put me half to sleep. Maybe that's not a good option either.

No Dee No, no bottle of wine, no muscle relaxer... those are for stress related chest pains only, and were prescription... (does heartbreak count? Hmmm)

So isn't it sad that I'm sitting here, on a Saturday night, on V-day night, like "How do I wanna chemically alter myself tonight? Hmm." I should go somewhere. But I don't want to. I should do something (god knows I have a ton of laundry to do) but I don't want to.

So what's happening is I'm getting anxious because there's all this stuff I should be doing, but I don't want to fucking move!! Argh fucking argh.

And to tell you the truth, I know my talking about my recent drama is quiet alientating. Shit, I'm tired of thinking about it much less talking about it.

Anywho, just rambling. Just thinking out loud.

Thanks for reading,

D

Why drink shots before the first cocktail??

What started this binge drinking phenomenon?
Was it party people that didn't want to remember walking IN to the bar, let alone walking out of the bar...
... Or was it people that knew that was correct way to numb their memories instantly; to immediately feel something different, and to forget what was plaguing them just moments before.

I'm going with the later idea, and I'm going to pretend I'm not the only one.


This terrible looking shot glass holds the devil's syrup in the middle, and my personal favorite, sugar free red-bull along the outside. Tilt the ole head back, and it's a new beginning where old feelings are flushed away by the Absolut Citron that was on special that night for $3 a shot. WHY put something that yummy on special AND have good signage to advertise? Ahhhh I was doomed when I walked in the venue.

"Creagan! Amanda! Get your asses here!" I type via text message... "I have your first shot waiting on the bar."

"5 Minutes" Creagan replies.

No!!! 5 more minutes til I can sling this back?? I'll just finish this Grey Goose short glass first. 3 minutes later: "Sure I'll have another" I say to the bartender. They arrive to see my second drink almost gone, "Hey guys!! Hey guys!! Here are the shots!!"

I'M even noticing myself, how desperate I sounded to drink these fucking shots. What the hell was going through my head??

The others grab their shots, and without even a toast, we down them. Now originally my classy colleagues had purchased Bud Select 2x4's... but after tasting the delight that is Vodka, they switched to the devil's juice as well.

mmmm. 3 Grey Goose shorts and one "Citron Bomb" later, I'm feeling no worries--nothing--can get to me. Trivia is about to start. OMG it's only 8:30 and I'm fucked. How wrong is that. How wrong is it also that I have to work in the morning. How wrong is it also that my boss, his wife, and some couple friends of theirs are now in the same bar. Wow. I'm going to be seen in such a state? Oh... ah well, did I mention that Vodka makes Dee not give a shizz?

15 minutes later, I was so delighted to see my boss' wifey out and about, I end up chatting with her about my life's direction and being 26 and at a few crossroads WOW! (and I'm now on her lap... How the fuck did that happen I don't know, but it was ok at the time.)

I end up running my mouth to her for like 15 minutes and she was like "Hey, get a grip. Your a great woman. Do what you want, you deserve it. Now stop talking."

LOLs

So we play a bit of Trivia, and of course my ass is yelling the answers out loud (for those of you that know me, I suck at trivia and was damn delighted I knew ANYthing... I'll use that excuse for giving away some answers)

In the end of this 5-hour "happy hour," I am forced to have someone else drive my vehicle to Amanda's, where we all stayed the night and drug our sad asses to work the next day. Yay us!

... Yay for me, though I couldn't exactly call off sick anyway, now could I. My boss was there watching me getting shitty.

Anyway, the point to this blog: The reason. THE REASON I felt the need to get plastered on a Thursday. I wasn't totally in a rotten mood. It was a somewhat dreadful day though: I had been at my doctor's office all day due to some pangs in my center chest. It was scary, and I had to have 6 xrays, and blood work done. She prescribed me the heaviest doses of 2 rather frightening pills, both I had to take for 2 weeks, and both you can't drive or hardly function, let alone drink with. (you could if you were a masochist and wanted to get even more trashed than I...) So I wasn't in a particularly great mood. I had also popped an Excedrine when I got home, which has a bit of caffeine and was meant to dilute my headache from the day... it actually have me a mind and body high and made me EXTREMELY AMPED (yes like that) while I was driving to this happy hour. WOWZA I'M EXCITED. THIS MUSIC IS GREAT. THIS HIGHWAY IS GREAT. OMG MY HEART IS GOING REALLY FAST. WOW I FEEL LIKE KAYNE BLOGGING.

Really, that's how the night started. So, No matter what, I know what I need to do: Get back down to being mellow Dee. From Jan 08 til Dec 08 I was pretty much "2 glasses of wine or 2 martinis" girl, for an entire evening and night. And only like 2 nights a week. Now it's like my body is ready to start "experiencing" alcohol again, and I need to remember that these "Alcohol Wave Tendencies" I call them, are a terrible experience for me, personally, and I'm sure for others. The "waves" are: I'm an alchy for 6 months, then sit-at-home or 6 months. I'm definitely someone that's 'Ride or Die'... 'To the fullest'...'I'm in or I'm out'... kind of person.

My goal for 2009: To moderate ALL aspects of my life. If I go out one night, the next night I'm in AND at the gym. If I eat pasta with olive oil and marinated chicken pieces with cheese all over that shit, the next night its lean protein and grilled asparagus. If I had a realllly caffeinated morning, then I get low-caffeine tea in the evening and get to sleep early that night, so hopefully the next morning I do not need as much crack-feine.

...If all of these ideals actually stuck, I'd want a gold star from everyone that knows me. But we all know it will be like a green star. Green: Good try, semi-honorable mention, btw you spent too much GD money on lattes this year and expensive "good" tea :(

I'm trying ya'll!!!

D