A Little Coffee... A Little Motion

It's amazing the mood swings one can suffer in a matter of hours... This post is simply a reflection of my life in the last 12 hours.





So this afternoon I was particularly lonely, as I am and will be every Wednesday while Ez is in the greater Champaign/Urbana area. HOWever, I decided to have a day filled of things: mall, organize office, laundry... etc. My day would be so busy I wouldn't mind being alone.

But I have a hard time ACTUALLY motivating myself when I'm depressed/alone. My friends know this well: when they come by I slowly start cleaning. lol

So today in my lazy hours, I watched The Departed, a great movie to get your mind off love and feelings, then like and IDIOT I watched 27 Dresses. I WANTED A BOY AROUND DAMMIT!! Depresssssso. So I decided to TRY to spread love: I messaged Ez like 5 messages like "Muah" and "Can't wait til Friday!" It worked. It's like how people say 'smiles are contagious'; well apparently so are pleaseant texts. Ezra sent me lovely, and sometimes dirty, texts the rest of the evening. Took my mind off this cluster situation for a few hours.

So after waking up at 1:15pm, and doing the movie thing til like 7pm, I went to the mall, and did the usual retail therapy: MAC cosmetics and Express. I did feel better!

Upon leaving, I was like "WTF self. Why when you leave the mall do you become sad again."

I guess I knew I would be going home to sit. To wallow. To feel alone again.

So there I sat.

And I'll tell you what, I have not felt THAT DEPRESSED since my personal dark days in 2004-2005. HOW did I have a swing like that? WTF? I was just pacing my apartment, looking at all the things I had to do: organize office, 3 loads of laundry, put dishes away, put LAST weeks clean laundry away. (fuck I had been lazy this week...)

I could do nothing. I, like many people, can't do many daily functions when they are having a depressed feeling.

So I deliberated: should I drink? Nah, don't have enough to make a difference, and I didn't want to feel like shit tomorrow on my 13 hour shift. Take a muscle relaxer? Nah, I'm already to down, that would worsen it. Should I start taking these "herbal anti-depressants" that someone gave me during the dark days that still are as addictive as clinical anti-d's therefore I never took them anyway, NO...... This would pass.

The problem is,... I didn't feel good last night, either. And I told myself I'd sleep it off and tomorrow would be another day. Well, today was another day,... and I still feel like shit. That's the scary thing. Everyone has a bad day, right? But the only people that worry are the ones that see two days turn into a week and possibly turn into a month or 2004-2005. Haaaaaaa I digress.

So I did what anyone would do: I took two Excedrine (yes, I actually was getting a headache, however the caffeine does make for a lovely side-effect), and drank a Starbucks double shot. AMAZING. I was better!!

I got my ass up, started some laundry, FINALLY put my office together, got out some oil paints and did my first canvas in 8 years! What a cool few hours. ** Check it, Smurf hands from my blue paint!

I ate a late meal (fattening but makes me HAPPY!), made some new friends online in a liberal chatroom, and basically just relished this new up swing.

So now I'm happier, slightly too full, and wide awake at 3am. The joys of being a slightly depressed bartender with too much time, and paint, on her hands...



Swing Swing,
D

Economic Atmosphere, 4th Quarter 2008: Fat is up 80%

McDonald's stock is up 80% net from last year 4th quarter...

So from Late 2007 to Late 2008, instead of 1 Billion Burgers Sold, 1.8 Billion Burgers were Sold.... (example)

...But really, that's almost double!


Hey everyone, Stock of the moment to invest your "extra money" into: WEIGHTLOSS PROGRAMS! Not only because it's January/February 'Lose the Holiday weight season' but MORE SO, because the world is choosing a more pocket-friendly alternative to the Applebee's WeightWatchers lunch: The $2.99 DOUBLEcheeseburger Value Meal from McDonalds. Or, as my 6'2" 150lb male 'I can dispose of all transfasts and not gain' co-worker told me: "Jack in the box is selling a Jumbo Jack, 2 tacos, and a large fry for $2.99. I had it yesterday, and it was AWEsome!" Granted, this co-worker was one of the 1-in-10 U.S Citizens that worked at a McDonald's in their lifetime, and he did call it "the Machine." Says Boy-Genius, "It really is a machine, and it will always do exactly what it takes to stay on top and overcome all challenges [Super Size Me ring a bell?] and will keep sales rising."

Wow... So this is what it's come to? Don't mind the fact that I've had the food education of a lifetime the last 9 months while dating Nutritionist/Personal Trainer Mr. Nick. As a tradionally healthy 'Farmer's Daughter' I thought my spinach salad and soup lunch, then grilled chicken and grilled asparagus dinner was healthy. Now I know of such daemons as uncertified organics, falsely advertised natural products, special dietary ratios, antagonist and synergists in nurtients within your body, etc.
IN LAMENS TERMS: There's a ton of products out there that YOU may think are healthy, even found in the NICE grocery store, and they are actually SHIT. Certain nutrients can be fighting against something ELSE you are taking, possibly in supplement form, to help your body's specific needs. Furthermore, the chemicals your 'healthy' proteins were pumped with at birth and through the growth cycle, are 10x worse than certain more fattening proteins.

Back to Fast 'Food' Chains from hell:
The problem is--There's no easy way to feed a family of 5 during a recession. The more we lend out, the more prices will inflate. The more superstores and restaurants SAY prices are being slashed on necessity items like Eggs, Milk, Raw Veggies and Beef to "Help you get past the recession," they are hiking the prices on toiletries and processed and packaged goods. So really, they are screwing you over x2. You THINK you're saving money and you are NOT, AND you are eating SHIT food that is "eco-priced," which normally means the farmers or the shipping company got fucked with lowered costs, or your qualitative value has decreased substantially.

So, Where do you turn?

I had a simple rule of my own (BEFORE I met health-guru):

Shop the outside of the grocer ONLY: Think about it, where are all the 'non-processed' foods? Produce-Dairy-Protein-Bread
It's brilliant, and aside from the 24-pack of bottled water and cheap wine aisle, you are out the door 30 minutes faster because you are not aimlessly walking around the 24 aisles. ALSO, you tend to save money with no 'Promotional end caps' of nacho chips and the 'fake cheese that is supposed to be sold with them' extravagant purchases.

Now with Health-Guru's help, I've noticed that these "outside perimeter purchases" also need to be "Pre-washed, Organic if it all possible, Grass Fed Beef, Free-Range no antibiotics Chicken, Wild Caught Fish, Free Trade Coffee products" to name a few.

Basically: These are food products that were 'farmed' the way nature intended the animals to eat, and live. Or, they are products that were farmed with workers earning a living wage for a quality product. While these products are traditionally more expensive because of the TLC put into their production, there is a whole movement to push the #1 Money Maker in the world: The Food Processing Industry to get on board with these eco-friendly practices. Until that happens (which it won't without hard-government intervention) the prices will remain higher than most crap-product. There are "Generic USDA Certified Organic Brands" out there. Certified is VERY important!! Schnucks has 360 degrees. Shop N Save has Wild Harvest. Then there's Trader Joe's: A Store that only sells it's own brand of well made, mostly organic products.

But I digress, HOW TO FEED MULTIPLE HUNGRY KIDS with little money:
Well, While 'Family Bags' of grilled chicken for $5.99 are kind of a joke at that price for that much product, we do have to say: That is a hell of a lot better than: "4 #14's Super Sized and 4 Cherry Pies. Oh what? Oh we'll have Diet Cokes. We're on a diet!!"

Really. Wtf is up with that. Or 8 Mich Ultras and a 20 piece order of Hooters chicken wings.
Come on people. Join the movement.

Stop eating this junk; it's killing you.

Dr. D

Sleep

Ahhhh.
Sleep.
Great concept: One third of your life should be spent enjoying sleep. Deep sleeps.

My version? Several-Times interrupted, never eight hours, wake-up-feeling-worse-than-when-I-feel-asleep--sleep.

So is this why, about once a month, I sleep for about 30 hours on Friday and Saturday night?

Really, it is like clock work.

"Hey girl!! I'm coming home!! Hollah!" a BFF will text. "Get ready to par-tay!"

oh wait, Waaiiitttttttttt, I'm asleep already. It's 7:00pm and I'm out.

"WAKE THE FUCK UP" "WTF ARE YOU DOING DEE" "WE ARE OUT DOWNTOWN? WHERE ARE YOU?" "STOP DOING YOUR BOYFRIEND AND CALL ME" "HELLLLLO!!" "OK WE'RE COMING OVER TO ROLL YOU OFF THAT FUCKING BED."

Sometimes that last one works. But really. These are the texts I'll see the NEXT day, and I'm truly flabbergasted as to how I slept through that?

Ask anyone: I can hear my phone's 'text-noise' from across a mall. So how is it on 'these weekends' can I not hear anything?

People never want to believe me, til they've witnessed the 'Dee sleep' themselves. Now all my close friends just know, I probably passed out.

See, for most, the weekend is a time to go all-out, fucking riot style party! WHOO!!

For me, my job is so stressful, it's DeeTime. Get away from me time. I'm taking hot baths, making new hot tea or coffee every 3 hours, seeing my puppies, having a bottle Cambria Pinot and watching lame movies all night time. And, on occasion, NOT sleeping all week, and having some party weekends, will catch up to me. (or having such a redic Thursday night party, it's just warranted: see yesterday's post: "Why drink shots before the cocktails?")

... And Thus: The all sleep weekend.

A few things contribute here:
#1 I like partying when no one else does: Tuesday, I'm all over it
#2 Early morning meetings? Helps me wake up sooner if I was up late the night before. My fear of over sleeping gets me up at 5:30
#3 I sleep like shit every night of the week
..most important...
#4 I GET OFF WORK AT 5PM AT THE EARLIEST, AND IN NO WAY CAN I GET HOME AT 6PM AFTER DOWNTOWN TRAFFIC, EAT DINNER BY 8PM AND BE ASLEEP AT TEN.
My body just doesn't do that!! I need like a 7 hour down-time. Therefore, I watch movies til 12:30, and therefore wake up ALWAYS running behind, and am stressed all day, etc...

Suck!

"So Dee, just go to bed sooner, wake up earlier, problem solved!"

"NO!" I say to this person, and everyone else that gives me that line of shit. Maybe if I got off work at 3:30pm, that MAY work, but I don't. I NEED ALOT OF DOWNTIME. Regardless.

So basically I'm fucked.

I guess once a month, my friends, my boyfriends, and my family will just have to understand I'm out of commission. I mean everyone's different. Every needs to tend to their body's cycle of needs.

LASTLY: SLEEP IS RELATIVE. YOU ARE NOT LAZY IF YOU GET UP AT 1PM. MAYBE YOUR WORK SCHEDULE OR SOCIAL SCHEDULE CONSTITUTES GOING TO BED LATE AND GETTING UP LATE!

So why the fuck do people always consider getting up at noon crazy? What, because the 'early bird catches the worm?"

Sure if your worm closes at 10am and you need to catch it early. What if the worm I had to catch was a 1pm meeting that included Bloody Mary's and Hoagies. Hm?

To each their own muthah f-ahs. To each their own....

:)

In the meantime, I'm fully rested. Just wishing I hadn't pissed off a dear friend. Love you K.

Hope you see your Texas hair soon.

D