“I’VE GOT IT!”

YAY! First day off in forever!! Amanda and I took off work this Friday to celebrate Creagan’s birthday, in a sober daytime way, (before the drunken party way like 8 hours later.)

We WERE going to go to our favorite brunch Crepes in the City, but it was a little later than brunch by the time we all got going, so we switch our plans to Caleco’s.

Two problems:
#1 I was still hung over from the night before at Caleco’s when I was accosted by NCAA wrestlers and the coaches that worship them. Thank you Nebraska boys for the vodka and toasted ravs—you made my face feel nice and numb from sweet sweet Goose. Needless to say, upon entering that afternoon, I was worried people would remember me and ask “weren’t you just here when we closed at 3am?”

#2 Any time we go to Caleco’s for lunch you may as well hand us a cocktail on entry. SO, let the games begin.

Lucky for us, this day we only had one… because "Stop 2" was The City Museum.

The City Museum is this recycled ‘Rave Kids’ dream: mirrored mosaics, slides, climbing walls, tiny tunnels leading to secret locations, etc. GREAT place for some 26-year-olds on a beautiful afternoon.

“Hey. Denise. Get in that hole. You can do it. Come on. I’ll cover your ass crack with your giant luggage purse.”

:(

Really. Why me.

“Dee. Get in this tiny hole. You just have to climb down, then climb up this slippery concrete wall, then go over the 10 ft wide barrel Marine style MAKE SURE YOUR BOOBIES DON’T SNAG ON THE PIPES!! It’s easy. You got it. I’ll take pictures.”

“HELP! MOTHER FUCKER! OW MY TIT! HELP ME! I’M STUCK!”

“Dee stop cussing! There are kids around! Where are you!!?? All I see is your left big toe. Why did you wear flip flops anyway?!?”

:( :(

Whatever, I made it. We have some GREAT pictures from this little excursion. However, I have to say, I have so many little bruises its just ridiculous. Long sleeve shirts for life.

The highlight of the City Museum was THE DARE. Amanda was like “hey kids, go up in that tall tower from hell, climb across the welded tunnel that eats thong sandals and Louis Vuitton wallets and spits them out to their death into a large ball pit, and then wait in line to go down the slide with the 10 years olds and their moms that hate us.

OK! GREAT! Come on C, it’s your birthday. It’s a dare. And we’re doing it.

In line was the best: “OW, my fucking feet! We totally wore the wrong shoes to be climbing up the tiny-stepped, death tower!!”

“WELL” says a mom, “Didn’t you read the website? I mean, come on, hu huh huh chuckle chuckle (I’m in Easy Spirit fucking tennis shoes…) It said wear tennis shoes. Poor you.”

Bitch.

So we’re off. UP, ACROSS, and DOWN the welded “tunnel” that spanned the outdoor section of this pee palace. This tunnel was made of quarter inch diameter steel rods welded in a thatch pattern with squares about 4” x 4”, and looked like an arch. “We can do this… Right? … Can we do this? … Should we DO THIS??!”

We started off fine, on hands and knees. When you get to the middle on the arch it’s a little scary. We both got stuck trying to rotate our legs around. Amanda is LAUGHING HER ASS OFF below us as I scream “CREAGANNNNNNNNNNNNN Help me!! Get it!! GET IT!”

“Get what??”

“My flip flop!! I’m holding on to it with my left big toe!! GET IT!!!” Hahaha. Funny funny. Fuckers. We get it. All is well. Then:

“DEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!! GET IT GET IT!! MY FLIP FLOP JUST FELL!! MOTHER FUCKER! No no no!!” Creagan’s little plaid flip flop was also almost a goner. Alas! Amanda yells “Charles!! It’s right behind you!!” Holy Shit how did it not fall through the holes?? We are soooooo lucky!

So we get over the arch of death, both still with our non-recommended flip flops, and we are now walking on a series of landings waiting our turn for the slide. And all of the sudden, C feels his ass.

“Uh. My wallets gone. Really. Where could it be. And if it is in the ball pit, who WOULDN’T steal a LV wallet?”

and all the sudden..

“I gottttttttt ittttttttt” a little voice shouts.

“What?” “Who said that?”

C and I are quite perplexed.

Then little Lindsay Lu Who from la la land comes off the death arch holding up the LV wallet!! We were like “No. Fucking. Way.”

“It was just setting there! Neat!”

Speechless.

So we both slide with wallets, shoes, and our dignity. Dare this bias!!