Miss Bliss Would Be So Proud!

It started out as a normal "Hump Day". I went to work. I turned on KISS FM (LA's hottest hit music!) and listened to Ryan Seacrest as I brewed coffee and read some mind-numbing articles about Skid Row. Then, the nightmare began. It came gently at first, in the form of a teaser by Seacrest himself around 9:45 am. By 10:00, the world as we knew it changed....for the worse.

3 Words will sum up this fateful day: Screech. Sex. & Tape. The NY Daily News reported today that a 40-minute "sex-tape" will star Dustin Diamond, AKA Screech Powers and 2 un-named females. The trio are said to engage in a "Dirty Sanchez" scene that will be sure to make waves with The Christian Coalition. David Hans Schmidt who is apparenlty well versed in the world of celebrity "skin tapes" confirmed that he will be handling the mass distribution of the video. Scre...Er..Dustin is trying to distance himself from his "Saved by the Bell" character with this new endeavor and hopes to be able to pay his cell phone bill with the expected dozens of dollars in royalties.
CLICK FOR A SNEAK PEEK OF HELL FREEZING OVER!

Here's Wikipedia's definition of what a "Dirty Sanchez" exactly is...

"Dirty Sanchez is a noun phrase describing the result of one partner having a "moustache" made primarily of fecal matter, applied by the finger or penis of the other sexual partner.
It is performed by sticking one's finger (or other object) in one partner's rectum and then swiping a line of feces under the nose, making a "moustache." While there is nothing inherently latin or Hispanic about the gesture or resulting moustache, it carries the name of "Sanchez," which is likely the result of the following take on its origin.
Named after a web comics fictional character of the early 90's called 'The Dirty Sanchez Adventures', the story of a Mexican superhero in Texas, who is also an illegal immigrant. In the comic the main character, Dirty Sanchez, seduces white married women in order to have anal intercourse with them and sometimes with their husbands. His personal signature being the "moustache" he leaves on the faces of his sexual partners after they perform oral sex on him. The comic website was hosted for a short period of time by Geocities.
The Dirty Sanchez is a popular turn of phrase, appearing in a variety of pop culture references including the name of a bar in the movie Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story. The bar's mascot was an apparently hispanic woman with a moustache. Another popular reference is in The Aristocrats joke. Former Saved by the Bell star Dustin Diamond is rumored to demonstrate a Dirty Sanchez in his sex tape, titled "Saved by the Smell."

Nuff Said.

In other "Saved by the Bell" news, Mario Lopez is biting his hot little fingernails tonight as the country decides his fate on "Dancing with the Stars". Mario told the gossiplicous EXTRA:

"I feel like I'm being sent to the principle's office all the time," Mario admitted. "Carrie Ann(one of the judges) gave me a look like I killed her dog, and I felt bad."

Lopez is the runaway favorite this year but is in hotwater for pushing the rules laid down this season. Last night, he and his partner, Karina Smirnoff, were scolded for, as Mario put it on Seacrest this morning in a telephone interview, "staying apart for 14 seconds". Apparently, the alloted time apart for their tango was 1o seconds. He sounded genuinly distraught about it. I'm genuinly sorry he's not giving someone a dirty sanchez in a new sex video instead of Screech. It would be even hotter if he wore the singlet from SBTB. Maybe Zach would be there too. For now, we will have to settle for this homoerotic venture:





Usually, I am not a big follower of the news that Larry King gererates. I do watch his program once in a while but I've never quite became hooked. Last night, the big L talked with Howard K. Stern, Anna Nicole Smith's lawyer and newly revealed proud baby daddy! During the interview the babies' name, Dannie Lynn Hope (Dannie for her late son Daniel, Lynn as a ku to Anna's real name: Vicky Lynn Hogan or "Mama Lynn" as Daniel referred to his mother) was unveiled. Stern also seemed adament at disspelling rumors the media has been running wild with regarding Daniel's sudden death in Anna's hospital room. Meanwhile, today, reports were released that verified that Daniel's death was due to a drug overdose.

"Pathologist Cyril Wecht has revealed to People magazine that Daniel died of a lethal combination of methadone, Zoloft and Lexapro." (www.perezhilton.com)



Of course, there is dispute over who can really claim Dannie as his own. Anna's ex, photographer Larry Birkhead told "Entertainment Tonight" a while ago he was the father of the child. In response to Stern's announcement of "King", Birkhead posted this statement on his website:

"I will just say the situation has gotten out of hand. The Larry King interview is laughable. In case there is any confusion, I am not laughing at myself. I firmly believe the truth will come out soon and people will understand where I am coming from. I maintain that I am THE PROUD FATHER, and look forward to a paternity test. I would like to say that I too am grieving the loss of Daniel Smith. He was a great kid, and I will miss him. I think this whole thing is unfortunate and look forward to a positive resolution."

OH SNAP! I will be sure to keep tracking this story. I thought Stern sounded, well, unbeliavable in the interview last night. Only time will tell.

Stay tuned to "Larry King Live" tonight to see him drill Clay Aiken. I'm sure the "gay" question will be brought up yet again and undoubltly "Gayken" will declare in a high-pitched southern drawl that "It just ain't nobody's business." What the hell is the big deal Clay? Face it, the public gets to see Lohan's vagina on a weekly basis then we get to know if it's true that you're a big homo. Grrrrr....

More news at the "Hollywood HighSchool" A-list stumble fuck! Reported by "Page Six", Lindsay Lohan lured Paris Hiton's Ex-Fling, Starvos Niarchos, who recenlty inheired $275 million, into an all-out soap opera for the paparrazzi after she was brutally "dumped" by Harry Morton. Temptation came easy for Linds, a mere whisper of "making Paris (Hilton) jealous and make you look like a stud" sent the Greek Shipping Heir tounge deep with the starlet at a late-night LA hotspot. News spread fast but details are all over the board. Apparently, it was all a plublicity stunt. Apparently, she and Harry are just "taking a breather". Apperently, Lindsay isn't so sick of "Rumors" starting anymore.