Painting is Fun

Ah... How exciting. It's like Spring Cleaning... Only it's snowing 6" tonight and my toes are frost bitten while inside. Hmmm.

Today was PAINT DAY! Thank you Nick for driving my ass to the "nearest" Home Depot

Special thanks go out to the Sandman, Bill and Bob, though they'll never read this... It's nice to say anyway ;)

So my company switched logos recently, and we had this UBERlogo on the walls of our conference room. Also the room needed a quick pick-me-up too, so I decided to volunteer for a job; a job that would get me away from a computer screen for 2 days, and would be easyyyyyyyy.

L. O. L. no

So I go spend $135, $135 plus interest and steak and vodka I hope to be repaid. Seriously.

I bought some nifty things: A tape roll with a "drop cloth" attached, I put drop cloth in quotes because this shit tore left and right, a paint bucket the size of your hand that rests on your wrist so you can keep just a bit near you while you do trim work, and an all-in-one kit full of shit I don't know how to use. It's ok tho, remember, I'm getting reimbursed, right?

So the point of all the paneling protection, light switch protection, and most importantly, floor and floorboard protection, is to AVOID paint in those areas. As my boss will discover tomorrow, I was resting my extended roller handle, roller down, on the drop cloths sometimes. Well, wouldn't you know I walked all over that shit, and subsequently all over the carpet :( Bad tennis shoes, bad!

Anywho, primer is done, and my high is almost gone. Tomorrow we paint "OPAL CREAM" or some shit. yay!! It's so cute. Kind of looks like a cousin to Big Bird, but with a more pastel take. I think it will be pleasant yet energizing. Let's hope everyone else thinks so :) I picked it out alone.

Toodaloo!

D, aka PaintFace

Why CAN'T it be like High School dammit!

Snow day please.

Please??









Really? Why can't it be like high school. We are still in danger on our way to our daily activity, no? Just because we are riding in sedans driving with half a hand instead of big yellow death wagons makes no diff.

What is it with some corporations these days--they don't think the EXACT same stuff can be done at home as it would be at the office. Really, the 'IN-TER-NET' (say it with me: "in-ter-net") changed all of this about 15 years ago. We will be fine. I can still call whomever I wish, I can still email 87 emails a day (ya'll know that) and I can still program or take questions from clients. HOW you make ask? I have a PHONEEEEEE and a COMPUTERRRRRR. ooooooh

So wtf bossmen? Let us sleep in til 7:59 and work in our lime green haneous "PINK" on the ass sweats, with our pony tail all fucked up still from bed-head. We have contact info, we do. We will use it, we will. We may be watching old British comedies on the ole Tube the whole time, but what's the diff to that or an iPod constantly attached to my skull? Atleast then you won't hear me singing the same 27 song playlist over and over.

See, it's normal for people to work from home now a days. An honestly, on my lunch hour I wanna name snowmen with carrot and coal doodles and snow devils. :*(

What do you think?

I can't stop them

The tears... The tears they fall...

At some point in every one's life you feel how weak you truly are. You see yourself as a fragile human being, no matter how smart you are, how good you look, how successful you are within your firm.

Have you ever cried at work? I have. I just did. But it wasn't because of a client, or because of my role in this company, its because of the demon that is within this place that was put here to test me. I honestly believe that. Everyone is given tests and challenges throughout their lives to show them what they are made of, and to remind them who they are.

I have been fighting this demon for two years now. I have tried different ways of being nice to have a resolution, I have tried to be direct and assertive, I have tried to be gentle and hard, and I have finally chosen to say what I want to say. (See previous post: ...And the Wall Crumbles)

I want to say Fuck Off Demon. Go Test someone else now. I have learned my lesson, and you are not part of the solution.

Ah...

I am so conflicted. I have a job. I have a job in a bad economy. I have a job in a bad economy with benefites, fun co-workers, and a company car, gas card, and blackberry. Why I am do up and down on this one then?

I hear other people go to work, and be fine. I come to work fine, and am immediately brought down from the aura of "who did this wrong." It's not the industry, it's not the people as a whole per se,... what is it?

It's people playing against each other. It's the human nature to protect their own environment and territory, and use their hieracrchy against the rest. I'VE been here longer, but I'VE got a youthful exuberance, but I'VE got the knowledge.

Then sit the fuck down people and share. Don't tell me you don't have time. Put out your goddamn $2 ghetto pack of cigarettes and sit with me. Drive faster to work, there's time. Don't walk across the whole office to ask me what could have been intercomed, there's time.

Now realize something:

You're all thinking the same thing. That's right. It was actually just proven to me by my boss, Jesus. He enlgihtened me. Everyone actually has happy thoughts. Thoughts of positive teamwork, and a unified efficent enviromnent. I know that's what I think. What I WANT--want to see from the good people around me. We are great people. Everyone in their own way. But funny thing, Demon said they wanted all the good fuzzies of change and positive teamwork, and I say "HAH! Hah to you Boss Jesus. You've been lied to. That's a crock."

"Hey, Hey, Snap out of it..." says Boss Jesus,... "why are you looking at the floor??"

"Because that just killed me." I felt like I was so struck by the bad-vibe lightning, that I couldn't talk, I couldn't speak, I couldn't agknowledge.

So I shed a tear.

and another.

and another.

"Please excuse me Boss Jesus. I have to go to my desk now."

What are you supposed to do when you're faced with a cross roads. How do you solve it? Turn to friends? Turn to your lover? Turn to a faith?

You should really look in the mirror and ask yourself. As I preached with "Show Yourselves" earlier this week. I'm the real case here: I'm conflicted.

I've dried my tears for now. Now it's time to be honest with everyone. What am I going to do.

...And the Wall Crumbles

"I have to keep a wall up. Trust me. It is for your protection."
Mr. J circa 2007



Funny. I always heard that, but I didn't believe it until Jan 13th, 2008. I thought it was a pathetic excuse to cover up a fellow co-workers mood swings and justify them as "normal work stress." I also thought it was just to piss me off, which it was working!

6 days ago, I was eating din din with my beau, and I get an URGENT email: "We need to come together as a team! Think out of the box! Help me with these 3 problems and you get golden stars and rainbows!" I dropped my 15 pound Qdoba feast, and wrote a reply all immediately. So proud of myself. WHAT a TEAM player!!

Over that weekend, my team went reply-all crazy and set up an appointment on Tuesday to program the changes recently discussed.

Monday. Monday omg. I am excited about this GREAT opportunity to put my ideas to work. It was to be me, my partner, and a senior technician assisting us with these changes. Then the senior technician walks by our offices and says "Hey girls, can you watch the phones while I try to configure these changes?" FIRST of all punk bitch, in the office place i have no boobs: tell me "Hey Dee, you're lower than me on the pole, watch the phones!" BUT DONT CALL ME "Girl" yuck. SECOND, the new configurations were easy, already planned out, and we were all supposed to help! We all contribute because we have different experience!

While PUNK (we'll call the senior technician that from now on, less letters, and its fitting) walked away from the programming room for a second, I took a chance to waltz in and tried to hob-nob with the sales rep "So, when's the big demo?" I ask. "Just get out of here!" I am told... and she gave me a 'shoo shoo away' motion with her hand!

WTF!!!

I let that slide. That day.

Enter the next day...

I'm eating the dreamiest hoagie of all time, after a very productive lunch hour of several small errands. My Starbucks was steaming, my sammich tumbling with Italian meaty goodness.

And I hear from a nearby room: "Whine whine bitch complain DENISEEE whine yipe AHH!!"

Hm... uhhhh Hoagie? ... oh yes hoagie.

In comes Bossman "Did you just hear that? PUNK just told sales rep that you fucked up her demo!!" whaaaa??

I have to make a hard decision here: Hoagie and Starbucks? or verbally kick someones ass.

I march my way to the programming room and say "You better get your story straight before you say I ruined sales person's demo!!"

PUNK now says "But you were the last one in here the other night..."

WHATTT are you talking about PUNK?

I keep my control, surprisingly. Professional, polite as CAN be in this scenario. But this was two years of tension about to explode inside of 2 minutes.

Sales person then starts talking again. "Yipe YIPE! Whine BITCH blahhhhrghhhh."

Hm, must chose words wisely, and finally I'M READY!! Deep breath "All I have EVER tried to do is HELP YOU. AND YOU WOULDN'T EVEN LET ME IN THE ROOM YESTERDAY! (finger point starting to occur) I AM SICK OF YOUR BEHAVIOR. IM OVER IT. THIS ABUSE NEEDS TO STOP."

"Whine AHHH Blargh bitch Yipe!"

whatever, thinks the victor "All I'm saying is I've always been here for you, but you're rediculous." Exit: Dee the victor! And upon exiting down the hallway: "Bitch!"

I had to slide in ONE premium word. :D I feel over joyed.

Enter: BACKLASH!

• She heard me (kind of meant her to)
• EVERYONE in the office is coming by my office: "So, tell me about the cat fight"
• Emails with cat pictures. Seriously.
• Meeting with the Bossman: "Um Denise, secretly HR guy and I are happy this happened. We were waiting for an opportunity for you guys to be locked in a room together and just hash out your differences."

WTF x 2!!!

Who does that?? Wanna steal my red Swingline stapler and then bitch smack me with it? Fuck.

Bottom line, Bossman said my reply couldn't have been better, because sales rep can't come at me with "You wench, you told me 'you always said you were trying to help me.' " So that's the plus. The whole "Bitch" statement I feel is COMPLETELY justified, as I'm the company cusser. That was mild sauce.

Conclusion after that shizz: 5 drinks and show-tunes sing-a-long at The Zone with my "ladies."

Nice fall Methford. (wink!)

Much Love,
D

Little Red Peacoat Drives Home

Hey all... Been a while. My life is getting funny again: so, time to start writing!
*******************************************

So Little Red Peacoat leaves her hard days work for her 45 mile journey home down 70 east bound

She's completely high from a Venti Cappucinno at 2pm and a giant Red Bull at 6pm

Blasting music, driving 80, and suddenly: Wreck #1

One mile before Lindbergh and she's in the fast lane, stuck. Other cars are getting to exit; not her.

15 minutes later, Little Red Peacoat sees an SUV and and upside-down Cavelier in a 20ft ditch along the side of 70, along with 10 squad cards and a small fire truck, a flagger and flares that were blocking 2 lanes.

As she's passing, the front half of the squad cars take off for something--FAST! She assumes the victim's are in their cars.

She starts crusing again, carefully taking the turns of the highway with caution, and WHAT THE...

The cars were heading to a second wreck: Wreck #2. This time approaching Bermuda.

No one is moving. No one. People are doing the "out of the cars" dance.

20 minutes later, the lanes need to get over... way over.

An interlude of entertainment occurs briefly: a "North City" mobile flies past Little Red Peacoat in White Lightning wagon. It's been driving on the shoulder to pass all the stopped vehicles. North City Mobile is WAY to cool for this drama. Their chrome "spinners" flash the lights of cars behind Little Red Peacoat, and then it cuts off the car in front of her, and the car next to them, and them.

Round of honks and fingers fly as Johnny Ghetto Too Cool cuts his way over. But it is a sign to come. We are all moving over.

All cars, semis, and yes, even White Lightning wagon is now challenged by local PD to "Detour" onto the shoulder. NO WAIT! The Ditch.

White Lightning wagon in a ditch? ...

We few cars, the ones that were not lucky enough to exit before, on Lindbergh or Bermuda, now drive on -- Encouraged by our brave feats.

Turns out the true accident from the Bermuda interchange was on 70 WEST bound. However a large black SUV had wanted to take a looksy, and hit the wall, blew out both drivers side tires, pulled a 180, which caused all lanes, in both directions, to now be blocked and stalled.

Little Red Peacoat's squad car count is now over 20, with 1 fire truck, and a few EMT vehicles.

Approximately 1 mile of driving later, of up one hill, down another, and RED LIGHTS!

Wtf. No really. Why. I'm tired. Leave me alone wrecks. Wreck #3. Jennings Station and Goodfellow exit.

Of course Little Red Peacoat a.k.a. 'Speed Demon' HAD to stay in the fast lane, and now for the THIRD time missed the small window to exit immediately, cutting off three lanes of traffic.

So she sits. At zero MPH. Windows down. Breaking Benjamin blasting. What's that smell? Where am I? Jennings station road? It's a Friday at 11pm? Oh that's maryjane. Thattttt'ssssss right....

Little Red Peacoat is starting to be ok with Wreck #3, as the minutes go by,... she is enjoying the air and the moonlight.

The visions around her are that of small compact cars and 5, 19-yr-old douchbags in matching-but-not-really, blue striped shirts, all with cigarettes out the lowered windows. Bad "county" rap blasts from their sad little car parties, and ruins Little Red Peacoats contact high.

This accident was a typical one and passes by in 15 minutes... just keep going 2 MPH and you'll get through.

Finally.

Finally! Little Red Peacoat is cruisin in White Lightning wagon, hoping she and her car aren't next. What is it tonight?? Why all the commotion?

She flows over to the express lane... smootly getting closer to Parkside Paradise, when she notices ANOTHER wreck, Wreck #4 by Adelaide. Luckily, she's smarter now.

Fast Lane bliss.

Home atlast. Vodka in hand. Goodnight Moon.

D